WIT AND WISDOM OF NEW YORKERS IN 2016, AS 'OVERHEARD' BY AN IMAGINARY VISITOR TO NEW YORK CITY

---"One of my favorite hobbies during my leisuretime is to go down to the United Nations headquarters and attend public hearings there on the subject of famine. I have chosen famine as my primary study topic during my leisuretime. To me, there is nothing more tragic than to watch someone waste away from malnutrition. I'm thinking of starting up a new group called 'Famine Fighters'. My wife says she thinks the name for that proposed non-profit group is very clever, and should help me to attract new members. I figure if we get 15 members by November, we can celebrate Thanksgiving by all dining together at an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant in Manhattan. I just hope no one eats so much at the celebration that they have to excuse themselves from the dining table in order to vomit in the restroom. This should NOT be a group for bulimics!"

---"If the Secretary General of the United Nations were standing next to me at a street corner here in Manhattan, I might glance at him without recognizing who he is. That's a very major snub, since he is one of the obvious VIPs of New York. And besides, if I were somehow able to recognize him while standing at a street corner and I then said 'hello', maybe he would invite me to a United Nations dinner party. I assume that the Secretary General presides over lots of lavish dinner parties as part of his job duties. It's a wonder those Secretary Generals don't all turn into case studies for medical researchers studying obesity in Manhattan."

---"It would help if I knew the nationality and gender of the Secretary General. I can't very well introduce myself to him or her at the street corner here if I'm unsure whether the Secretary General is from Switzerland, South Korea, Ireland, or Peru. I will have to do a Google search so I can offer better New York-style hospitality to him or her if I run into him or her on the sidewalk."

----"If I had to pick a topic at United Nations committee hearings that I would most like to study, it would be 21st Century Genocide. I have never understood why anyone would attempt to murder more than one person. But I'm not saying that I understand why anyone would want to murder ONE person, either. Like my wife always says, I wouldn't hurt a fly. And genocide is all the more baffling to me, since it is spawned by an extreme and intense hatred of an entire racial or ethnic group. That is very irrational, since --- but I haven't done enough research on the topic to know how to complete that thought. Check back with me a month from now, and I will have more to say about why I'm very appalled by 21st Century Genocide."

---"I find it interesting that you have chosen 21st Century Genocide as your leisuretime topic of expertise. Most people find 20th Century Genocide a more compelling topic to study. But maybe your decision to exclude 20th Century Genocide from your leisuretime research is a wise idea. We have all read hundreds and hundreds of pages about 20th Century Genocide and Nazi Germany. But most New Yorkers of today would definitely fail a pop quiz on the subject of 21st Century Genocide."

---"To me, the irrationality of 21st Century Genocide derives from the fact that within any particular racial or ethnic group, you can find individuals who do not fit the stereotype. They might be ultra-conscientious, they might be friendly and non-abrasive toward a wide range of people, they might refrain from verbalizing profanity, they might be devoid of crass materialism, they might be philanthropic, they might have emotional and intellectual depth to them, they might completely abstain from alcohol or cocaine or marijuana or heroin or tobacco or tattoos, they might be facially clean-shaven and hygienic with no beard or mustache on them, they might be commendably honest and sincere and straightforward, they might exhibit the human trait of empathy toward a wide range of people, they might be pleasant to associate with on a strictly platonic basis, they might be amazingly civil and law-abiding and non-violent, they might be vigilant and courageous and actually contact law-enforcement agencies to offer a life-saving crime tip that leads to the actual arrest of a crime suspect who had allegedly inflicted a violent crime on a cited victim, they might respect my and others' privacy rights, they might oppose censorship of those who disagree with them, they might oppose anonymous communications and thought-control projects or persecution of those who disagree with them, etc. So this is perhaps the best rebuttal to those New Yorkers who fail to adequately oppose or seek to deter 21st Century Genocide. Within any given subpopulation, there are plenty of very fine exceptions to the rule who can be cited by name, such as at an Exceptions to the Rule Awards Ceremony."

---"I'm a fervent opponent of biological determinism. Even those who are born as gypsies in eastern Europe can choose to lead a very honorable life in which they never steal from anyone. Maybe if we had an 'Honorable Gypsy of the Year Award', there would be more respect for the very fine persons of Gypsy ancestry who choose to be law-abiding and honest. This would help to prove to the entire world that being born a gypsy does NOT make you a thief from day one!"

----"My friends call me a humanitarian nice guy because I believe that any individual, no matter how odious he may be, has the legal right and human right to enjoy a full and natural and vital longevity on this planet. I always add, though, that this absolute right does not apply if someone is found guilty of first-degree homicide in an official court of law where he himself is physically present and where death by execution is the official government-imposed penalty for that first-degree homicide. And even in that case, he still has the legal right to appeal to a higher court that could overturn his death sentence and possibly also release him from prison."

----"You remind me that maybe I should write to the producers of the 'Jeopardy' quiz show to recommend that they establish a new category for that show called 21st Century Genocide. It would be fascinating to observe whether any of the contestants could come up with the right question for any of the answers provided in that category."

----"While we're on the subject of gypsies, we could do a Google search to find any good restaurant here that specializes in Gypsy cuisine without stealing too much money from the customers. I take pride in being tolerant, so I'm willing to try dining in a Gypsy restaurant in Manhattan. And maybe there will be a big poster of Gypsy Rose Lee from the 'Hollywood Squares' TV show on the wall. I only know her from that TV show back in the 1970s. She was the first Gypsy I ever learned about. I think she did strip-tease dancing as part of her career. Maybe she invited her admirers to steal her intimate apparel from her--an interesting twist on the stereotype of Gypsies stealing from others. Maybe she was laughing at the stereotype, through her strip-tease dancing in which she must have tossed her brazierre into the arms of her fans. Very cleverly satirical, if you ask me."

---"One of my theories is that architects who design skyscrapers are more likely to be 6 feet tall or taller than the architects of New York who don't design skyscrapers. I think the taller architects can identify better than the shorter ones can with the idea of looking down on the rest of the world. The taller guys have a keen sense of their own intense verticality, if you will."

---"I wish I had expertise in a topic myself, so I could get asked to testify at a committee hearing in the UN headquarters. I have this image in my mind of a New York Times photographer attempting to decide which lens to use for his camera so he can get a nice photo of me speaking intensely and with expertise about a featured subject for that hearing. But I haven't yet decided what my subject of expertise will be. So at this point, it might be premature for me to expect the UN to invite me to testify at a committee hearing. I will have to hire a consultant to find out how long it will take me to develop an international reputation as an expert on a topic. After I get that reputation, then I can land an invite from the UN."

---"Just think how the people of Toledo turn green with envy about our having the UN headquarters here. They would all dearly love to put a photo in their family scrapbooks about testifying at UN headquarters. But we New Yorkers clearly have the edge over those Ohioans. Proximity is power. New Yorkers are one million times more likely than Toledo residents to get asked to testify before a UN committee here in Manhattan. And that reminds me that I need to write a new book of clever aphorisms I came up with all by myself. 'Proximity is power' would be among the gems I offer in that book. It might even land me a spot on the New York Times bestseller list. I look forward to counting how many weeks I'm on that list before I get bumped. I could then add that feat to my resume. '30 Weeks on the New York Times bestseller list' will sound super-impressive to a prospective new employer."