MORE FROM THE NEW YORK CITY SCENE, HAD I BEEN THERE DURING THE PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES TO EAVESDROP ON THE CONVERSATIONS

---"Since we're guaranteed of getting a New Yorker into the White House this time, maybe we should ask our next President to have the street where the White House is on renamed as New York Avenue. I personally feel that Pennsylvania currently gets way too much credit."

---"And isn't it odd that most New Yorkers could not even tell you the exact street address where the President lives along Pennsylvania Avenue, when those very same New Yorkers know for sure that the British Prime Minister resides at Number 10 Downing Street---or is that Number One Downing Street?"

---"I look forward to the day when New Yorkers help to colonize an inhabitable planet in outer space. The only question would be whether to name that American colony 'New New York' or 'Newer New York' or 'Newest York'. It's a tough one for me."

---"It should be fun when Donald Trump holds presidential press conferences and begins by announcing which fashion designers impressed him the most as apprentices to the White House for that week. The only question would be whether Donald should then publicly state at his press conference how much he paid for each of this items of apparel he was modeling that day, and which website address he wants Americans to visit in order to purchase those same items online."

----"I think the caliber of the two candidates for President makes we worry that the best prospective candidates were scared away because they don't want to spend all of their time with Terrorism-Alerts as their primary topic of conversation for breakfast every day."

----"If Donald Trump gets elected, I hope Congress will pass a law banning any gambling casinos within 200 miles of D.C. Otherwise, Trump's associates will be setting up gambling casinos all over D.C. and trying to turn D.C. into a Las Vegas along the Potomac."

---"What worries me the most about Donald Trump as President is that if anyone publicly criticizes him, they could end up in the Potomac River a matter of hours later. Eventually, some investigative reporter will be able to prove that Trump did it, and that would lead to Trump getting indicted on a homicide charge. Trump would then issue a presidential pardon in advance on any and all felony crime that he might ever get convicted of while in the White House."

---"If Trump gets elected, they'll have to beef up the Potomac River police patrol, assuming there is a police patrol that rides a police boat along the Potomac every day in search of dead bodies. And at some point, some pundit will figure out that there is a correlation between Trump getting elected and an increase in the number of politically-minded D.C. residents who mysteriously drown in the Potomac at 2 a.m. in the morning."

----"I think Hillary ran for President primarily because she didn't want her epitaph to read, 'Her Top Title was Secretary of State'. I think she wanted her epitaph to cite something grander and more awe-inspiring."

----"One of my concerns about Hillary in the White House is that since her husband has major heart problems, possibly his doctor would advise him not to have sex with his wife, since it could trigger a heart attack for him. So this would put Hillary in the awkward position of interviewing candidates to provide 45-minute substitutions for her husband in the Presidential bedroom during her White House years."

----"It's odd that no one has been talking about the other famous Hillarys of world history. It's not as if Hillary Clinton were the first famous Hillary to dwell on this planet. But I admit that I would be stumped as a 'Jeopardy' quiz show contestant if the category were 'Famous Hillarys'".

----"I still can't remember the job title for those guys who ride elevators for a living here in New York. Are they elevator conductors, or something else? Maybe there should be a 'Job Titles Encyclopedia' reference book that I could consult on a year-round basis here whenever I get stumped like that."

----"I am pretty sure that either way, regardless of whether Hillary or Donald wins, some billionaire friend of the winner will fund a very lavish inaugural parade in New York to add to the January celebration extravaganza in D.C.!"

----"If Mrs. Clinton wins, do you think her staff will advise her to never wear low-cut blouses as President? I'm sure that will be one of the top issues she faces in the White House."

---"One point in Mrs. Clinton's favor is that I don't recall her verbalizing profanity in her campaign. But maybe the reporters were not thorough enough in reporting on the foul language she generated as a candidate."

----"No one ever talks about the Mafia vote, but it's obvious that Donald Trump will get that vote. Our Mafia can identify with him since they all see Donald Trump as a mobster at heart. To the Mafia types, Donald Trump might as well be a native of Sicily, he's so dear to them all."

----"If Mrs. Clinton gets elected, she'll have to appoint a special commission in our Garment District to design a new line of clothes for a female head of state. I don't blame her, either, since she will want to look Presidential in a feminine sort of way, and this will demand a very innovative creative project by our city's fashion industry in order to meet her needs in the White House."

---"I doubt that Mrs. Clinton as President will contact the fashion designers for Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher to find out if any of those fashion statements that worked for Mrs. Thatcher in England would also look good on Mrs. Clinton in 21st Century D.C."

---"I wish that there were a consumer guide service here, such as Angie's List, that would help me to hire a bodyguard who won't abandon me when I actually face danger in the Big Apple. I have heard horror stories about local bodyguards who suddenly flee from the scene the minute they sense that their boss is about to be violently attacked!"

---"I don't know why it's so surprising that all of my gardening is done indoors! I don't have the option of gardening outdoors, since I live in an apartment unit! And if you think I'm going to beg my landlord for the opportunity to plant a garden on top of the roof, you are crazy! I am NOT willing to spend any time on top of the roof here, since that would invite my enemies to make it look like a suicidal leap when they shove me off the roof! And the odds are good that NYPD would be completely fooled, which just adds to my posthumous rage when the newspaper headlines declare my death to have been ruled a 'suicide'! My only consolation if I suddenly turn into a ghost here is that I could haunt all of my enemies forever and punish them very severely, since the criminal justice system obviously failed to do that for me!"

----"With all the bibliophiles here in New York, maybe our Mayor should propose the renaming of some streets with famous book titles. I love the idea of driving along 'Legend of Sleepy Hollow' Drive! And it would also encourage our city's children to read more of the great books. I feel sure that if more of our streets are named after literary masterpieces, this will rub off on all of our city's primary and secondary students! And five years later, one of those younger New Yorkers will win a Pulitzer Prize in literature and get a street named after them! So then an elementary student in Yonkers will hear about that success story and feel inspired to write a masterpiece of his own! It's a wonderfully creative Snowball Effect here in the Big Apple, making us as famous for snowballing as Buffalo is upstate!"