Wednesday, August 15, 2018

CITY GOVERNMENT OF AUSTIN PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICE IN DOWNTOWN AUSTIN, TEXAS, ON AUGUST 15, 2018, POLITELY ACCEPTS THE MOST RECENT PUBLIC-INFORMATION REQUEST FROM MYSELF



On Wednesday, August 15, 2018 8:54 PM, John McMillan wrote:

August 15, 2018

Dear Public Information Coordinator for the City Government of Austin Public Information Office, 301 West Second Street, Austin, Texas, USA, 78701, with your office phone number of (512) 974-2220 and your office FAX number of 512-974-2405,

This is a Texas Open Records request in which I am seeking from you a copy of any and all written communications, including e-mail communications, and any and all records of phone conversations generated at any time since 8 a.m. July 16, 2018, between or among or from Austin City Manager's Office Administrator Josephine Salas or any other official or staff member of the Austin City Manager's Office, and Austin Police Department Sergeant Martina St Louis of the APD Sex Crimes Unit or any other official or representative or investigator or administrator for the APD Sex Crimes Unit, and that, in each and every such case, referred at least once in any manner to myself, John Kevin McMillan of Austin City Council District 10 in northwest Austin.

To assist you in your search for any and all written communications or phone records responsive to this public-information request, I am providing you (below) with the exact text of the e-mail letter I wrote and sent to Austin City Manager's Office Administrator Josephine Salas on July 23, 2018.

My legal name is "John Kevin McMillan". I was born on April 27, 1957, at Bryan Memorial Hospital in Lincoln, Nebraska.

I have resided in Austin proper in this state capital city of Texas on a continuous and uninterrupted basis ever since mid-March 1997.

I myself am gainfully employed full-time in Austin. I lead a permanently drinking-alcohol-free (ever since the late summer of 1990), permanently marijuana-free (ever since the late fall of 1984), lifelong-illicit-drug-free in regard to any and all illicit drugs other than marijuana, and lifelong-tobacco-free lifestyle. I myself am NOT a "recovering alcoholic", nor am I a "former drug addict".

I myself do not have any criminal-conviction record, as I'm sure the City Government of Austin and Austin Police Department are fully aware.

I am a lifelong single gentleman. I have been completely celibate, with ZERO sexual contact or any intimate physical contact between myself and any other human being (or any animal or beast, for that matter) on any occasion throughout any and all of my own conscious or waking hours, regardless of where I was situated or resided or traveled to, ever since and including the day when I moved to northwest Austin in August 2001.

I am a former full-time employee in Austin of the Texas Department of Public Safety, the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles, and the Texas Department of Criminal Justice state agencies, respectively.

Thank you in advance for your prompt and very thorough and authoritative reply letter providing me with any and all legal documents responsive to this public-information request from myself.

Sincerely and Best Wishes,

John Kevin McMillan,
10926 Jollyville Road, Apt. 1609, Austin, TX 78759.
Home phone: (512) 342-2295.
E-mail: mcmillanj@att.net
My Blog: http://www.johnkevinmcmillan.blogspot.com

On Monday, July 23, 2018 11:09 PM, John McMillan wrote:

July 23, 2018

Dear Austin City Manager's Office Administrator Josephine Salas in downtown Austin,

Thank you again for having taken the time to talk with me on the telephone for about 10 minutes, beginning at 3:28 p.m. Monday, July 16, 2018, from your office at City Hall in downtown Austin.

I appreciate your kind response to a polite public-policy question from me in that phone conversation, in which you replied that "I'm (Ms. Salas) sure he (Austin City Manager Spencer Cronk) does (support safe housing conditions for all Austin residents, including myself, John Kevin McMillan of northwest Austin), Sir."

You then politely added on your own initiative that "I (Ms. Salas) cannot say anything for him (Austin City Manager Spencer Cronk)."

I especially appreciate your kind repeated statements to me on the telephone during that same approximately 10-minute July 16 phone conversation we had, that "I'm (Josephine Salas) very sorry that this is happening (to you, John Kevin McMillan, a gainfully employed, law-abiding, single adult male resident of Austin City Council District 10)."

You made that comment to me after I responded to a question from you by stating that I myself have experienced what I regard as allegedly unsafe housing conditions in northwest Austin on a continuous daily and year-round basis for several consecutive years, including at present, regardless of the apartment complex where I have resided as a rent-paying tenant at any time during that multi-year period.

I also mentioned to you in our July 16 phone conversation that I have been awakened abruptly inside my bolt-locked apartment unit several times per early-morning period in the middle of my nocturnal dreams.

As I also stated in response to a question from you, my being awakened abruptly several times per early-morning period has been repeatedly and consistently accompanied by an unpleasant nasal-inhalant sensation in my nostrils, often an unpleasant oral-inhalant or oral ingestion sensation in my mouth, and an unpleasant and very mysterious vibrating sensation in my anus, as well as an urgent need for me to go to the bathroom. I myself do not own any vibrator of any type.

I might add at this time that I also consistently experience a wobbliness in my legs and a tingling sensation or numb sensation in my legs when I get out of bed in the middle of my sleeping hours in order to use the bathroom after experiencing a sudden need to urinate just after I was awakened abruptly without anyone else visible to me anywhere inside my bolt-locked apartment unit.

I also want to thank you, Ms. Salas, for directly referring me to the Austin Police Department Sex Crimes Unit during our July 16 conversation.

You made it reassuringly clear to me that your direct referral for me that day to that APD unit directly authorized me to myself provide that APD unit with updated factual information about the alleged continuous personal-injury-crimes and alleged continuous anal-rape crimes to which I have been subjected against my wishes on a daily and year-round basis inside my bolt-locked apartment unit in Austin.

They are alleged felony crimes to which I am being subjected on a year-round basis during periods when I am lying alone (and I ALWAYS sleep alone), asleep and unconscious and probably also snoring, on my own bed inside my bolt-locked apartment unit. I am currently the ONLY current tenant and only current resident inside this third-floor, top-floor rental apartment located on the southeastern side of Building 16 at Village Oaks Apartments in northwest Austin.

With your kind help in connecting me from your end of the phone line with a 311 phone service dispatcher for the City of Austin, I was then referred by that helpful female dispatcher, Cynthia, to the voice-mail message-taking system at the APD Sex Crimes Unit for my primary 2017 contact person at that APD unit, Sergeant Martina St Louis.

The office phone number for APD Sex Crimes Sergeant St Louis is: (512) 974-5889.

I have not heard back yet from Sergeant St Louis or any of the detectives for that APD unit.

I remain hopeful, though, that APD as soon as possible will be willing to install---with my full advance authorization on that---a secret surveillance camera focused on my bed area inside the partitioned section of the living room where I sleep every night. I want that surveillance camera to provide instantaneous photo documentation to APD's Sex Crimes Unit about any alleged illegal intruder or personal-injury crimes perpetrator situated on or near my bed during my sleeping hours.

That photo documentation will then be invaluable crime evidence for Travis County District Attorney Margaret Moore in pursuing long-awaited criminal prosecutions on my behalf in a court of law here in Austin.

I might add that I welcome any and all forensic DNA tests or non-psychiatric exams on any portion of my own body that APD might ever want to authorize or request or sponsor at any time.

I am very definitely a first-rate and very solid criminal-law complainant. I welcome the opportunity to provide very solid testimony as a complainant and cited crime victim when I make my long-awaited visit to court of law in Austin, Texas, in order to myself testify against one or more cited defendants unbeknownst to me.

Finally, do you have any additional suggestions that you are willing to offer me during this period in which I still have not heard back from the APD Sex Crimes Unit?

Sincerely and Best Wishes,

John Kevin McMillan.
My current apartment-unit address ever since early September 2017:
Village Oaks Apartments, 10926 Jollyville Road, Building 16, Apartment 1609, Austin, TX 78759.
Home phone: (512) 342-2295.
E-mail: mcmillanj@att.net
My Blog: 
John Kevin McMillan: A 21st Century Conservative Left-Wing Agenda

Saturday, August 11, 2018

ANOTHER VICARIOUS VISIT TO NEW YORK CITY: A LATE-SUMMER IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT FROM MANHATTAN



---"Our city is so crassly commercialized that I'm surprised they haven't renamed Battery Park as

 'Ever Ready Batteries Park'."

--"That's not a bad idea, actually. But the only way our City Council would approve that is if the 'Ever Ready Batteries' company agreed to pay $1 million per year to the City of New York as part of that name-changing deal."

---"I need to find the safest park in New York for my child to ride his tricycle at. Do you know which park here is the friendliest for tricyclists?"


--"Personally, I feel that the parents of New York should insist that their children only ride tricycles that have reflectors on them. I find it outrageous whenever I see a young child in a tricycle without a safety reflector!"

---"She is so hyper-competitive as a parent that she is trying to organize an annual citywide racing event here for Tricyclists under age 7. She wants her son Tommy to win first place at age 6, so she can display his trophy in their family's living room."

---"Do you find it a bit odd that 90 percent of the TV shows about New York show people killing or raping each other? 'Welcome to New York: Misanthropy Hub of the Universe!' our signs greeting visitors might as well declare."

---"Sandra, I appreciate your point about New York primarily being portrayed on television as a site for murder or rape. What I don't recall is which shows account for the 10 percent of all television programming that shows New Yorkers being philanthropic and non-violent and capable of actual romantic love."


---"I have never seen an estimate on the percentage of all New Yorkers, who if surveyed after taking a truth serum, would confess that they worship the devil. Is that percentage 10 percent, 20 percent, or higher, do you think."

--"I wonder how you identify a house of demonic worship here. Maybe they just hang a sign in front of their church that declares, 'Warning to Anyone Who Loves God: This is NOT your kind of place!'"

---"Actually, from what I understand, the devil-worshipers of New York are very matter of fact about telling their friends that they are 'leaving to go to my house of demonic worship', and they are dressed in black to convey their emphatic view that the Christian God is dead."

---"This is the only city I've lived in where if I meet someone who says his first name is Christian, 9 times out of 10 he then apologizes for his first name and says, 'I hope you don't think that I'm a Christian. My first name is misleading. My parents gave me that first name to help me in my business career they knew I'd be pursuing here.'"

--"My attorney, Mr. Mayer, has told me that I'm being victimized on a continuous and year-round basis by devil-worshipers here.  So which division of NYPD do I contact to file a criminal-law complaint? Would that be their Devil-Worshiping Investigations Unit, assuming there is one? Or should I instead contact the X-Files Unit of the FBI?"

---"Erica is so militantly anti-male that she is launching a political campaign to remove the word 'Man' from the name of this island! She wants those letters banished to Siberia, since they remind her of her ex-husband whom she despises so much that she blames him for having driven her into lesbianism! Erica says that the 'Man' in 'Manhattan' is very oppressive to her, and enslaves her as one of the womyn here -- and she always drops the 'a' and uses a 'y' instead when she refers to women here! Erica's political-action campaign will turn our island's name into 'Hattan', which Erica maintains will save lots of ink for the publishers of books and newspapers that refer to the name for our island! The alternative plan she's come up with would be to change our island's name to 'Femhattan'! She says the womyn of this island deserve equal time, so we could keep the name as Femhattan for the same number of years this has been Manhattan!"

---"I recently spoke with a psychologist who told me that it would be impossible to say whether a New Yorker who invests in the stock market or or works on Wall Street is manic-depressive. Wall Street, by definition, inflicts on anyone involved with this place 182 days of intense ecstasy, alternating with 183 or 184 days of intense suffering, depending on whether it's a leap year. They're either very high or very low, depending on what the stock market report says that morning."

--"Can you imagine what it's like to be a restaurant waiter here who has a regular customer employed as a stock broker? One day that paying guest has a smile on his face and tips 50 percent; the following day that same customer is frowning throughout his meal and leaves no tip at all, since he figures he'll need that money himself if the 1929 crash repeats itself!'

---"Margaret will generally clip the stock market report out of  the daily newspaper, in order to spare her husband from an intense downswing in his mood at the breakfast table. Ted, however, says this makes him even more upset, since the complete mystery about whether his stocks and bonds are up or down for that morning is very distracting to him as he drives to work---so much so that he's 50 percent more likely to have a motor-vehicle accident on days when his wife clips the stock market report out of their newspaper!"

--"I can imagine a fictional television series featuring a ridiculous stock broker here as one of the characters on that show, and he is eternally having mood swings that correlate directly to the ups and downs on Wall Street! He's the most superficial personality of  the entire cast of characters, since it's like he has blinders on every day---either 'good news' or 'bad news' his simplistic mindset mask he wears toward every day. Any other type of news, such as news about mass shootings or environmental crises, is of interest to him ONLY if he believes it might have a bearing on the next morning's stock market report."

--"I'm surprised there isn't an alcoholic beverage served here in Manhattan that celebrates the ups and downs of Wall Street! Maybe it could be called the 'Roller Coaster Ride'! Another possibility might be the 'Heaven and Hell' drink, combining an intensely sweet flavor with the intensely bitter flavor!"

---"The recent discovery that eating dark chocolate is good for the heart is helping to promote improved race relations here! I like the way some groups fighting racism are using that theme to promote greater kindness toward law-abiding African-Americans in Manhattan!  The dark-chocolate emphasis is particularly helpful to African-Americans here who are darker-skinned than average! They might as well be wearing T-shirts that declare, 'Dark Chocolate is Good for Your Heart!'"

---"Half of the single men I meet here in New York, the first thing I want to ask them is, 'So how long has it been since you were released from Attica?'"

--"I feel sorry for the upstate residents of Attica who are actually law-abiding. Everyone tends to think of Attica as a city exclusively reserved for the lawless types. But keep in mind that there are prison guards and wardens at Attica who, in some cases, are law-abiding and honorable. I don't know the percentage of cases that would be, it just depends on what the corruption rate is in our state's criminal-justice system. And after all, there are thousands of people in Attica who have never been in jail and who resent being compared to the inmate population there! Can you blame them for hating the notoriety that the inmates give to everyone else who lives in Attica?"

--"I would define the word 'naive' in New York as 'Opening your front door to your apartment from inside without first looking through the peep hole to check for criminal types!'"

---"I find it fascinating how everyone in New York is eternally registering the thought in their mind that the stranger they see as they walk toward their subway car is either innocuous or sinister. But much of the time the typical New Yorker is also thinking to himself, 'Now why did I previously identify him as innocuous, when I now realize that he is, in fact, so evil that he's a threat to my personal safety!'"

Thursday, August 9, 2018

HOW NEW YORKERS TALK: ANOTHER IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S VISIT TO MANHATTAN



---"As a taxpayer, I am outraged they haven't renamed Battery Park with a more cheerful name! No one wants to be reminded of all the assault and battery cases that occur in this city! It's like a kick in the teeth whenever I hear anyone refer to Battery Park!"


---"I might have more of a sense of humor about Battery Park's name if it weren't for the fact that I've had to file assault and battery charges against perpetrators here at least 20 times in the last five years.  I would estimate that 10 percent of our city's residents openly cite 'assault and battery' on their resume as one of their leading pastimes."

--"I have never heard of any other park in the entire world that's named 'Battery Park'. Whoever named this park has got to be the stupidest person in our entire city's history! Or is that the most stupid person? I cannot recall which is grammatically correct, 'stupidest' or 'most stupid'."

--"I agree with you, Paula. There should be a contest to invite everyone to come up with a better name for Battery Park. This might help to attract more tourists to our city, since prospective visitors might look upon that municipal park as a nice place for having an outdoor picnic."

---"Sarah is so philanthropic that she plans to sponsor a Homeless New Yorkers Fashion Show that highlights T-shirts and rags and ripped blue jeans as a form of trendy chic new look in our city. I love the fact that Sarah is promising to pay each homeless person who agrees to serve as a model in that show $10 for participating. Maybe some of the homeless fashionwear exhibiters will even get recruited by a professional modeling agency here for a career opportunity. This is New York at its finest: Even a homeless person here has every opportunity to get discovered by talent scouts. I love the feature story headline from that in the 'Daily News': 'Rags to Riches: Homeless Models Grab Big Bucks at Garment District'."

---"When I first heard about Battery Park, I thought it was someone referring to a favorite spot where baseball players like to hang out and practice batting the ball. But then someone reminded me that the name is not Batting Park, it's Battery Park. And I admit that sounds rather grim, with all the assault and battery cases we get here! Just ask any NYPD officer, and they'll tell you!"

---"Whenever I hear you talk about the Garment District, I always wonder which items of apparel are NOT included in their repertoire. For instance, are any fashionwear belts manufactured in our Garment District? I would love to see a complete list of each category of garment that does not currently emanate from our Garment District. G-strings, for instance, are one category of garment that I personally hope is NOT being manufactured there. G-strings are ironically named, since only the X-rated ladies are the ones wearing a G-string. There's nothing G-rated about G-strings, they never appear in any of the Walt Disney movies that I take my kids to."

---"I recently talked with an NYPD officer who admitted to me that he's getting a complex from all the photogenic actors who portray our city's finest on television. That officer told me that the real-life NYPD officers are not nearly as successful or as beautiful as the actors are. The actors are so brilliant they solve every crime in 30 minutes' time, and they have a way of making every moment eye-catching and full of razzle-dazzle. The officer told me that when he returns home from work every day, his wife greets him by asking, 'Do you know what a letdown it is to face a real NYPD officer every day inside our home? The crime shows make the cops here seem so glamorous and entertaining at all times! But living with you, Harry, is like living in Dullsville, and I hope I don't get charged with a crime for giving you my blunt opinion on that subject.'"


---"New York is like a dysfunctional marriage, without any hope of a divorce ever occurring, so both partners in that marriage are held hostage for their entire lives in that dismal non-relationship bordering on a pseudo-relationship.  To identify anything that New York is doing right as a city is a topic area beyond my own capacity to comprehend. If New York were a species of animal, it would eternally be at risk of extinction---so much so that each year some newspaper would publish a headline declaring that the Impossible had occurred, since that particular species was still dwelling on this planet!"


Tuesday, August 7, 2018

ANOTHER IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPING ADVENTURE IN NEW YORK CITY: AUGUST OF 2018



---"I don't blame the many businessmen here in New York who complain that Donald Trump gives everyone the impression that all business people are corrupt and dishonest. And unfortunately, many people all over the world see Donald Trump as the embodiment of a certain TYPE of infamously unethical New York businessman."

--"I won't be surprised if some foreign government comes up with the idea of banning Donald Trump or any of his associates from ever being allowed to purchase or rent any property in their own country."

---"Maybe Congress should require President Trump to take a lie detector test ASAP. And maybe there should be an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that authorizes Congress to remove from elective office any President who fails at least five consecutive lie detector tests that are administered to him by an independent and fully-licensed lie-detector examiner."

--"Trump may be a non-drinker, but he sure comes across as being DRUNK ON HIMSELF on a 24-hour-a-day and year-round basis! He reminds me of that famous king from Greek mythology, and his name was King Midas. Donald Trump believes that anything he touches turns golden. But since much of what Donald Trump touches is his own body, he might find that to be his downfall!"

---"I find it funny that no one here ever talks about wanting to visit President Trump's birthplace. No one is at all sentimental about where Donald Trump was born."


---"If Trump were ever required to take a lie-detector test, that would get him removed from elective office within a matter of hours. I think half of New York fantasizes about that moment when a polygraph examiner announces at a press conference that Trump failed his lie-detector test.
The Daily News headline might read: 'Trump the Liar Exposed by Polygraph!'

---"Whenever I hear about Battery Park here in New York, all I can think about is assault and battery. I guess I'm a realist about what half of New York is doing every night inside their own home. And the battered wives and battered girlfriends here will eventually testify about our city's Assault and Battery Crisis."

---"The biggest Assault and Battery Crisis I ever had occurred when my car broke down during a snowstorm. The next thing I know, some very aggresssive guy comes up to my car and points a gun at me and orders me to hand over my battery. I definitely felt assaulted and battered by his visit to my car that day!"

---"I find it ironic how few of the college students here in New York ever enroll in an academic course with a title such as, 'New York City from A to Z'. Everyone just assumes they're already an expert on New York, so they have no need to enroll in a class on that subject!"

---"I told Tina that she should start up a Sea Shell Collectors Club at her middle school. Tina replied that she doesn't want anyone else touching her sea shells.''

---"My rule of thumb is that if a taxi driver drives up to me and I immediately sense that I don't trust him, I just tell him that to his face. Why waste my time with a driver who gives me the creeps?"

---"Personally, I 'd like to see a remodeling of the Four Seasons restaurant that gives you the option of dining in the Winter Room, the Summer Room, the Fall Room, or the Spring Room. Each room would be climate-controlled to match the season you're celebrating when you dine there. If you're in the mood for a Winter Room dining experience, you wear a coat and long underwear and you ask for the Winter Room, please. They could even offer you artificial snowflakes falling on your dining table, to make your Winter Room experience as authentic as possible!"

---"I think every New Yorker's worst fear is that they order their meal inside a fine-dining restaurant and suddenly learn from the waiter that the chefs have all gone on strike, so the only options available are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and tuna fish sandwiches."

---"Whenever I take the subway here, I plan to wear a T-shirt that declares, 'WARNING TO THE THUGS OF NEW YORK: I NEVER CARRY MORE THAN $10 ON MY PERSON!"

---"The first thing Sherry checks for when she opens up the newspaper is the obituary section. Myself, I'm not the morbid type. The first thing I check for when I open up my newspaper is a list of which New Yorkers most recently filed for bankruptcy."

---"She takes going to confession so seriously that she makes a point of riding on the subway at least once per week in order to find something she can confess to the priest. For instance, she might confess that she experienced intense aversion and possible lack of love toward a subway passenger she observed with profane tattoos emblazoned all over his body. This allows Karen to meet her sin of the week requirement without having to lie to her priest."

---"I spend so much of my time listening to other New Yorkers' grievances against life that I feel I should get paid for providing that service. Maybe I should open up a special counseling service for New Yorkers who want to vent their frustrations and annoyances to me for hours on end! I would charge a very reasonable rate, like $75 per hour, and all I'd have to do is just nod my head and say 'uh-huh' the entire time I'm meeting with my clients!"

---"Maybe there should be a realistic public statue erected here that honors 'New York's Least Corrupt Mayor', as they could publicly declare in the historic marker for that statue. I don't know who should get the global acclaim from a statue of that type, since I'm not an expert on the least corrupt mayors here. My own expertise is on which of our mayors are definitely the MOST CORRUPT in our city's entire history!"

---"I wonder why the 'New Yorker Magazine' cartoons never show smoggy conditions in our city. Maybe it's because everyone just assumes the weather conditions are smoggy, so why bother illustrating that in the cartoon itself?"

---"I would like to introduce myself to a 'New Yorker Magazine' cartoonist, but I worry that if I did, the next week I would open up my New Yorker magazine and the first cartoon I see is ridiculing someone who looks just like me! The rule of thumb here is 'Don't Associate With Cartoonists and Comedians, Unless You Want to Get Ridiculed in Public!'"

---"I've always wondered what a New Yorker with bladder-control issues should tell the subway conductor when the subway car is in motion. There must be some discreet way to broach that subject without causing a scene!"

---"Personally, I take the taxi in order to avoid getting humiliated from having a bladder-control issue on the subway. I figure that the taxi driver will be more forgiving of any emergency I might have while riding with him. I can always tip him well, in order to make sure he doesn't blab to anyone about what happened during my ride."




Friday, August 3, 2018

A RETURN TO NEW YORK FOR ANOTHER IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT: AUGUST 2018



----"Whenever I get together with her, it's like a card game in which we're both trying to out-trump each other with the names of famous persons we each know. I usually win those 'who do you know' contests, since I have everything documented through signatures I've obtained from celebrities here. Sheila, by contrast, relies heavily on flagrant assertions she'll make, such as that she still has a hickey she got from one of the famous men she claims to have dated. So then I'll challenge Sheila, asking her to prove that the hickey came from the famous man she claims it came from, and she will eventually back down. It's like I'm proving her to be a liar, every time we talk famous people we know! Come to think of it, maybe it's not wise for me to keep up with a woman who lies to me as flagrantly as Sheila does when it comes to her claims about connections to famous New Yorkers! Sheila is the closest thing I know to a Queen of Fraudulent Claims!"


---"Personally, I try to pretend that the honking noises I hear are a symphonic performance in which each horn player is responding to the other horn player in a harmonious manner. This is how I pretend that there's no civil war going on here on our city's roadways!"

---"I plan to write a 'nextdoor.com' posting every week in which I give public recognition to the one New Yorker I identified that week who in my opinion was the most flagrantly and shockingly underpaid for their talents. That reminds me that I need to ask the sales clerks at Macy's who offer me free samples of their perfumes to tell me their salary level. I then plan to publicize my emphatic view that they deserve better pay than that, for the noble service that they are offering at Macy's! These sales clerks are making it possible for the ladies of New York to re-think the scent that they present to the entire world, and that, to me, is a truly great enhancement to the olfactory quality of life that the men of New York are achieving through their nostrils."

---"I don't have the heart to tell her that the perfume she feels passionately about wearing every day reminds me of what a hooker in Las Vegas smells like. This is definitely a case of ignorance can be bliss, as far as I'm concerned---unless some blunt man here comes up to Janet and tells her that her scent reminds him of the hookers of Las Vegas! At that point, Janet's fantasy about having an ideal scent for all of New York to savor is suddenly smashed to bits by yet another bold and very blunt New Yorker!"

--"Do you ever get the impression that every stranger you are meeting here these days reminds you of a character from 'Seinfeld'? Does this indicate that New Yorkers are all seeking to emulate the characters from that 1980s TV series?"

---"If someone would prove to me that my hobbies would help me to pay my rent each month, I would feel a lot happier about them. But as it is, my hobbies are costing me money that I need for paying rent. Maybe I should stop having hobbies for a six month period, to see if my finances improve."

---"You are overlooking the point that if you get a reputation for having a hobby, this could be useful to you when you apply for a job here. Your interviewer may ask you to state your hobbies, and you will be much more convincing if you can truthfully say that you recently attended a coin-collectors convention. If your prospective new boss is a coin collector, this will also help you a lot at your workplace. Bosses like to promote employees who have hobbies compatible with their own."

---"I don't know of any New Yorker who doesn't have a love-hate relationship with their landlord. The first of the month is the day of each month when all New Yorkers intensely dislike their landlord. The first of the month is when New Yorkers are staring with shocked astonishment at the total amount due that appears on their computer screen!"

---"Are you being fully honest when you refer to it as a love-hate relationship with your landlord? When was the last time you stated to anyone that you love your landlord? Was that during National Love Your Landlord Day, assuming there is an annual day of that type?"

--"I would like to invite my landlord to have lunch with me, but I sense that if the other tenants see the two of us heading toward a restaurant, they will accuse me of trying to bribe my landlord into giving me a discount rate on my rent. New Yorkers are the most alert people in the entire world, when it comes to developing conspiracy theories!"

---"Personally, I try to score points with my landlord by filing reports with NYPD every time I hear a car alarm go off near my apartment unit. There's always the remote chance that the car alarm that went off was for a vehicle owned by a member of my apartment complex management team!"

---"I thought of inviting a police officer to lunch, as a way of showing support for law-enforcement. But then I had to decide which officer to invite. Maybe I should pick an officer's name at random. Or maybe I should go online to find out which officer most resembles Detective Olivia Benson. That's the one I should invite to lunch. It would be fascinating to talk with a successful NYPD detective over lunch about how to myself avoid turning into special victims case here in New York!"

---"Every time I read about the latest heart attack sustained by a New Yorker, I immediately wonder if they had an addiction to cheesecake. I would estimate that half of our city's residents are cheesecake addicts. I am always hopeful, though, that some columnist like Jane Brody will publicize a new recipe for cheesecake that is actually good for your cardiovascular health!"

--"I don't feel I'm being ruthless when I exclude from my social life anyone who says they are 420-friendly. Since all my friends avoid marijuana like the plague, I never have to worry about a friend of mine handing me a marijuana-laced brownie at a party. This means I have a ZERO percent chance of turning into a pothead here in Manhattan!"

---"Do you ever wonder why there's no public statue on display here that depicts the Indians accepting payment from the Dutch for ownership rights to Manhattan Island? To me, that would make a nice tourist site. And it could highlight everyone with a smile on their face, a nice example of Indians and white settlers interacting very harmoniously."

--"So when is the annual Dutch Day here? It would give me a perfect excuse for eating Dutch-style food once per year. To me, eating a Dutch meal is the least I can do to thank the Dutch Government for founding New York. Or maybe I should go online and send a thank-you note to the Prime Minister of The Netherlands, expressing gratitude for the contributions his country made toward New York coming into being."

--"Do you know how the total number of square miles that Manhattan Island occupies today compared with the size of our island in the 1900s or 1800s or 1700s? It's one of those questions that all too many New Yorkers overlook. Did your island get bigger or smaller with time?"

--"Maybe we should ask a Dutch consulting firm to help us build dikes that will increase the size of Manhattan Island. That strategy worked for the Dutch in their country, so maybe it will work here, too. The real estate developers will be ecstatic if they can add a square mile of additional territory to the total size of Manhattan Island! Think of all the new condo units that could add to our real-estate scene!"

FATHER CHRISTIAN HAWLEY AT ST. MATTHEW'S EPISCOPAL CHURCH IN NORTHWEST AUSTIN ON AUGUST 1, 2018, KINDLY PROMISES IN WRITING THAT HE WILL SHARE MY CONTACT INFORMATION WITH ANYONE HE ENCOUNTERS WHO MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN ROOMING WITH ME INSIDE MY CURRENT RENTAL APARTMENT UNIT IN NORTHWEST AUSTIN


 
On Wednesday, August 1, 2018 2:45 PM, Christian Hawley wrote:


Thanks for the email, John.
If I come across anyone interested, I'll give them your information.
Peace and good luck,
Fr Christian

On Mon, Jul 30, 2018 at 12:38 PM, John McMillan <mcmillanj@att.net> wrote:
Dear Father Hawley and your Also-Distinguished and Honorable Colleagues at St. Matthew's Episcopal Church in northwest Austin,

I am very grateful for the confidence in me as a gainfully employed and law-abiding single adult gentleman that your generous religious congregation has expressed in recent years. 

If any of you happen to hear of anyone age 18 or older who could pass a criminal-background check, and who earns at least $1,172 per month in income (two rental-criteria  requirements cited to me by the management team here at Village Oaks Apartments, a Northland property), please feel encouraged to give any such person my home phone number and e-mail address.

I should add that Northland requires applicants who want to room with me in Apartment 1609 (a 1-1 unit in which I always sleep alone on a bed of my own in a partitioned section of the living room) to pay $200 online to the management team here at "myvillageoaks.com" in connection with their application ($50 rental app fee, $150 administrative fee). Each of the monthly All-Bills-Paid rent-share payments I am seeking from the new roommate will be paid online by that roommate (or two roommates, if they share the big bedroom) directly to the management team. I myself will pay 100 percent on all electricity bills from the City of Austin, all of the approximately $85 per month utilities bill from the management team, 100 percent on the WIFI-access-related bill (through my personal AT&T media services account), and 100 percent on the cable TV bill for the roommate who gets the lockable big bedroom. There is already an AT&T provided connection for cable TV inside that big bedroom.

My home phone: (512) 342-2295 (accepts voice mail, but not texts: it's a landline phone).

I have until August 1, 2018, to find a new roommate, which will also enable me to hold onto my current apartment unit here at Village Oaks Apartments, 10926 Jollyville Road, in NW Austin. Otherwise, I am in dire risk of going homeless, since I cannot afford to continue paying the entire rental rate (with accompanying bill) for this entire unit. 

I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely  and Best Wishes,

John Kevin McMillan.
Home address: Village Oaks Apartments, 10926 Jollyville Road, Building 16, Apartment 1609, Austin, Texas, 78759.
Home phone: (512) 342-2295.

 
John Kevin McMillan



-- 
Christian Hawley
Associate Rector 
St Matthew's Episcopal Church Austin

"The Bible is best read and understood outdoors, 
and the farther outdoors the better." ~ Wendell Berry

For all your planning purposes, Fridays are my Sabbath and I tend to be away from the interwebs. 

Saturday, July 28, 2018

MORE FROM MANHATTAN: AN IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT FROM LATE JULY 2018



---"I find it ironic that President Trump is a nondrinker. His insanity in the White House is increasing our entire nation's alcoholism rate by 20 percent. Every time Trump speaks, millions of Americans flee from him by getting drunk in order to forget what he just said."

---"I would sure like to find out which country on this entire planet is having a better relationship with the United States thanks to Donald Trump. Possibly that would be the country where his current wife was born, and at the moment I can't remember if that was Romania or Slovakia. My guess is that  President Trump is doing everything he can to make sure his wife's native country and their leadership are consistently happy with America. So our foreign policy toward that Eastern European country is primarily a tool on behalf of saving Donald's marriage. He doesn't want to be the first president in U.S. history whose wife files for divorce against him while he's in office."


--"It's reassuring to note that in a World War III scenario during the Trump Administration, the country where Donald's wife was born would be the one total ally we can definitely count on to send troops on behalf of our two-nation alliance. The opposing alliance would have troops from about 100 countries, at this point, and that total seems to increase every week."

---"If World War III does break out during Donald's Administration, I am sure that our Commander in Chief will make sure that all of the Trump Towers locations throughout this entire planet are fully guarded by American soldiers at all times. Leave it to Trump to always have a strong sense of priorities in his role as our chief of state."

---"Harry is planning to host a Graduation Party in honor of the fact that he was released last week from state prison in Attica. His theme will be that he graduated with honors, since he was released earlier than expected due to the good behavior commendation he got from the warden. I told Harry I'm glad that he is proud of his accomplishment, but I doubt that the rest of New York will want to applaud him for it."

---"Harry is so proud of having graduated from Attica that I almost asked him whether he plans to attend reunion events there every year. But I don't honestly think that Harry will want to be in Attica ever again. It's one city he plans to drive around, whenever he travels upstate. I think he's afraid that if he drives into the city limits of Attica, some police officer will stop his vehicle and inform him that his release was an error, as it turned out, so they will have to re-arrest him for the sake of correcting that error."

---"My favorite pastime these days is trying to find a way to make my green tea more enjoyable to my tastebuds. Lately I've been drinking lemon-flavored green tea from Chino, California. I find it fascinating that the word Chino, in Spanish, means Chinese. A perfect name for a city that produces tea bags! The brand name is Vinis, which makes me think maybe the owner of that company is part-Italian, part-Chinese in ancestry. Just a guess on my part. Maybe he is also the owner of a Chinese-Italian restaurant in that same city. If so, I would love to find out how he combines China and Italy in the dishes he offers. Sweet and Sour Chicken Pizza is probably one of his menu items, but that's just a guess from someone who has never been to Chino myself."

---"One of the reasons I dread foreign trips by President Trump is that someday he'll get caught by some news-media photographer grabbing the breasts of the wife of a head of state he is meeting with. That could lead to World War III,  if Trump isn't on his very best behavior."

---"When Trump writes a tweet, I assume he is primarily trying to appeal to radio audiences. He expects radio-station reporters to read verbatim his most recent quotable tweet. No time left for a rebuttal--how very convenient for Donald!"

--"Every time Donald tweets from the White House, I joke to my friends that 'Bird Brain has struck again!' Whenever I say 'Bird Brain' to my friends, they all know I'm talking about Trump. He might as well be the President of Canary Islands, since everything he says reminds me of bird manure."

---"I'll bet President Trump even signed a secret pact with Putin in which Trump promised to serve Russian caviar in the White House to all visiting heads of state throughout the entirety of Trump's first term of office. This is how far Russian infiltration of the White House has gone! Even the White House chefs speak with a Russian accent these days, according to rumors I've heard!"

---"Whenever Harry does something that causes me to wince, I will ask him, 'Would you really want that on your resume, Harry?' That has a way of reminding him to limit his activities to stuff he would like to publicly announce on his resume. Unless he plans to apply for a job with the Mafia, it would be very foolish for Harold to declare on his resume that he broke into a neighbor's home without getting caught by NYPD!"

---"Many of the nightmares I'm having during my sleep are actual crime evidence that some intruder unbeknownst to me is physically abusing me during my sleep inside my bolt-locked apartment unit here in Manhattan! But it's unlikely I can convince our DA to get  factual reports about my nocturnal dreams admitted as crime evidence  for me in a courtroom here!"

---"One of the reasons I know that New York is full of stalkers is that whenever I go out on a date, at some point my dating partner will suddenly ask me with a very intense look on their face: 'Are you sure you're not a stalker type?' I then spend 10 minutes explaining to them in painstaking detail why I definitely DO NOT fit the profile of a stalker! One of the points I make is that I don't have enough expertise at electronics to surveillance their apartment unit and bug their telephone! And besides, I'm not sure it's possible to bug anyone's cell phone, even if I tried!"

---"The best idea I can come up with for a best-selling non-fiction book with a New York theme is one that's entitled, 'Our City Under Demonic Siege: 100 of the Most Terrifying Stalkers Who Ever Struck Manhattan!"

---"As a dream-studies analyst, Anna is confident that she can make a six-digit income here just from testifying several times per year in a court of law about crime evidence obtained from a forensic review of a crime victim's nocturnal dreams! It's an emerging field in which expert witnesses get paid lots of bucks just from providing their expert opinion in a court of law here in Manhattan!"

---"I don't know whether it violates your professional code of ethics if you as an attorney invite a judge here out to lunch. It probably wouldn't look good if you were both seen in public dining together in a restaurant. That's my opinion. But I don't know what state law says on that."

---"The only type of commercial real-estate developer I want to meet is one who specializes in providing New Yorkers with the option of a mini-mini-mini-one-room apartment unit. I need that option in order to be able to make rent every month. When I call the managers at apartment complexes here, I am always asking if they offer a tiny apartment unit so tiny that it's only slightly bigger than a jail cell. Any other size would be way out of my price range!"

---"My apartment unit is so tiny that it guarantees me continuation of my celibacy. There is no room inside my unit for two bodies, much less my own. It is physically impossible for me to have anyone over for the night inside my unit. The only theoretical scenario that could develop would be one in which one of the insects that inhabit my unit might attempt to sting me in my gonads. That would feel like involuntary bestiality, but unfortunately I couldn't file charges against the offending ant or spider! There are no crime cases on record here in which an insect is the cited defendant."