---"I find it ironic that President Trump is a nondrinker. His insanity in the White House is increasing our entire nation's alcoholism rate by 20 percent. Every time Trump speaks, millions of Americans flee from him by getting drunk in order to forget what he just said."
---"I would sure like to find out which country on this entire planet is having a better relationship with the United States thanks to Donald Trump. Possibly that would be the country where his current wife was born, and at the moment I can't remember if that was Romania or Slovakia. My guess is that President Trump is doing everything he can to make sure his wife's native country and their leadership are consistently happy with America. So our foreign policy toward that Eastern European country is primarily a tool on behalf of saving Donald's marriage. He doesn't want to be the first president in U.S. history whose wife files for divorce against him while he's in office."
--"It's reassuring to note that in a World War III scenario during the Trump Administration, the country where Donald's wife was born would be the one total ally we can definitely count on to send troops on behalf of our two-nation alliance. The opposing alliance would have troops from about 100 countries, at this point, and that total seems to increase every week."
---"If World War III does break out during Donald's Administration, I am sure that our Commander in Chief will make sure that all of the Trump Towers locations throughout this entire planet are fully guarded by American soldiers at all times. Leave it to Trump to always have a strong sense of priorities in his role as our chief of state."
---"Harry is planning to host a Graduation Party in honor of the fact that he was released last week from state prison in Attica. His theme will be that he graduated with honors, since he was released earlier than expected due to the good behavior commendation he got from the warden. I told Harry I'm glad that he is proud of his accomplishment, but I doubt that the rest of New York will want to applaud him for it."
---"Harry is so proud of having graduated from Attica that I almost asked him whether he plans to attend reunion events there every year. But I don't honestly think that Harry will want to be in Attica ever again. It's one city he plans to drive around, whenever he travels upstate. I think he's afraid that if he drives into the city limits of Attica, some police officer will stop his vehicle and inform him that his release was an error, as it turned out, so they will have to re-arrest him for the sake of correcting that error."
---"My favorite pastime these days is trying to find a way to make my green tea more enjoyable to my tastebuds. Lately I've been drinking lemon-flavored green tea from Chino, California. I find it fascinating that the word Chino, in Spanish, means Chinese. A perfect name for a city that produces tea bags! The brand name is Vinis, which makes me think maybe the owner of that company is part-Italian, part-Chinese in ancestry. Just a guess on my part. Maybe he is also the owner of a Chinese-Italian restaurant in that same city. If so, I would love to find out how he combines China and Italy in the dishes he offers. Sweet and Sour Chicken Pizza is probably one of his menu items, but that's just a guess from someone who has never been to Chino myself."
---"One of the reasons I dread foreign trips by President Trump is that someday he'll get caught by some news-media photographer grabbing the breasts of the wife of a head of state he is meeting with. That could lead to World War III, if Trump isn't on his very best behavior."
---"When Trump writes a tweet, I assume he is primarily trying to appeal to radio audiences. He expects radio-station reporters to read verbatim his most recent quotable tweet. No time left for a rebuttal--how very convenient for Donald!"
--"Every time Donald tweets from the White House, I joke to my friends that 'Bird Brain has struck again!' Whenever I say 'Bird Brain' to my friends, they all know I'm talking about Trump. He might as well be the President of Canary Islands, since everything he says reminds me of bird manure."
---"I'll bet President Trump even signed a secret pact with Putin in which Trump promised to serve Russian caviar in the White House to all visiting heads of state throughout the entirety of Trump's first term of office. This is how far Russian infiltration of the White House has gone! Even the White House chefs speak with a Russian accent these days, according to rumors I've heard!"
---"Whenever Harry does something that causes me to wince, I will ask him, 'Would you really want that on your resume, Harry?' That has a way of reminding him to limit his activities to stuff he would like to publicly announce on his resume. Unless he plans to apply for a job with the Mafia, it would be very foolish for Harold to declare on his resume that he broke into a neighbor's home without getting caught by NYPD!"
---"Many of the nightmares I'm having during my sleep are actual crime evidence that some intruder unbeknownst to me is physically abusing me during my sleep inside my bolt-locked apartment unit here in Manhattan! But it's unlikely I can convince our DA to get factual reports about my nocturnal dreams admitted as crime evidence for me in a courtroom here!"
---"One of the reasons I know that New York is full of stalkers is that whenever I go out on a date, at some point my dating partner will suddenly ask me with a very intense look on their face: 'Are you sure you're not a stalker type?' I then spend 10 minutes explaining to them in painstaking detail why I definitely DO NOT fit the profile of a stalker! One of the points I make is that I don't have enough expertise at electronics to surveillance their apartment unit and bug their telephone! And besides, I'm not sure it's possible to bug anyone's cell phone, even if I tried!"
---"The best idea I can come up with for a best-selling non-fiction book with a New York theme is one that's entitled, 'Our City Under Demonic Siege: 100 of the Most Terrifying Stalkers Who Ever Struck Manhattan!"
---"As a dream-studies analyst, Anna is confident that she can make a six-digit income here just from testifying several times per year in a court of law about crime evidence obtained from a forensic review of a crime victim's nocturnal dreams! It's an emerging field in which expert witnesses get paid lots of bucks just from providing their expert opinion in a court of law here in Manhattan!"
---"I don't know whether it violates your professional code of ethics if you as an attorney invite a judge here out to lunch. It probably wouldn't look good if you were both seen in public dining together in a restaurant. That's my opinion. But I don't know what state law says on that."
---"The only type of commercial real-estate developer I want to meet is one who specializes in providing New Yorkers with the option of a mini-mini-mini-one-room apartment unit. I need that option in order to be able to make rent every month. When I call the managers at apartment complexes here, I am always asking if they offer a tiny apartment unit so tiny that it's only slightly bigger than a jail cell. Any other size would be way out of my price range!"
---"My apartment unit is so tiny that it guarantees me continuation of my celibacy. There is no room inside my unit for two bodies, much less my own. It is physically impossible for me to have anyone over for the night inside my unit. The only theoretical scenario that could develop would be one in which one of the insects that inhabit my unit might attempt to sting me in my gonads. That would feel like involuntary bestiality, but unfortunately I couldn't file charges against the offending ant or spider! There are no crime cases on record here in which an insect is the cited defendant."
---"If World War III does break out during Donald's Administration, I am sure that our Commander in Chief will make sure that all of the Trump Towers locations throughout this entire planet are fully guarded by American soldiers at all times. Leave it to Trump to always have a strong sense of priorities in his role as our chief of state."
---"Harry is planning to host a Graduation Party in honor of the fact that he was released last week from state prison in Attica. His theme will be that he graduated with honors, since he was released earlier than expected due to the good behavior commendation he got from the warden. I told Harry I'm glad that he is proud of his accomplishment, but I doubt that the rest of New York will want to applaud him for it."
---"Harry is so proud of having graduated from Attica that I almost asked him whether he plans to attend reunion events there every year. But I don't honestly think that Harry will want to be in Attica ever again. It's one city he plans to drive around, whenever he travels upstate. I think he's afraid that if he drives into the city limits of Attica, some police officer will stop his vehicle and inform him that his release was an error, as it turned out, so they will have to re-arrest him for the sake of correcting that error."
---"My favorite pastime these days is trying to find a way to make my green tea more enjoyable to my tastebuds. Lately I've been drinking lemon-flavored green tea from Chino, California. I find it fascinating that the word Chino, in Spanish, means Chinese. A perfect name for a city that produces tea bags! The brand name is Vinis, which makes me think maybe the owner of that company is part-Italian, part-Chinese in ancestry. Just a guess on my part. Maybe he is also the owner of a Chinese-Italian restaurant in that same city. If so, I would love to find out how he combines China and Italy in the dishes he offers. Sweet and Sour Chicken Pizza is probably one of his menu items, but that's just a guess from someone who has never been to Chino myself."
---"One of the reasons I dread foreign trips by President Trump is that someday he'll get caught by some news-media photographer grabbing the breasts of the wife of a head of state he is meeting with. That could lead to World War III, if Trump isn't on his very best behavior."
---"When Trump writes a tweet, I assume he is primarily trying to appeal to radio audiences. He expects radio-station reporters to read verbatim his most recent quotable tweet. No time left for a rebuttal--how very convenient for Donald!"
--"Every time Donald tweets from the White House, I joke to my friends that 'Bird Brain has struck again!' Whenever I say 'Bird Brain' to my friends, they all know I'm talking about Trump. He might as well be the President of Canary Islands, since everything he says reminds me of bird manure."
---"I'll bet President Trump even signed a secret pact with Putin in which Trump promised to serve Russian caviar in the White House to all visiting heads of state throughout the entirety of Trump's first term of office. This is how far Russian infiltration of the White House has gone! Even the White House chefs speak with a Russian accent these days, according to rumors I've heard!"
---"Whenever Harry does something that causes me to wince, I will ask him, 'Would you really want that on your resume, Harry?' That has a way of reminding him to limit his activities to stuff he would like to publicly announce on his resume. Unless he plans to apply for a job with the Mafia, it would be very foolish for Harold to declare on his resume that he broke into a neighbor's home without getting caught by NYPD!"
---"Many of the nightmares I'm having during my sleep are actual crime evidence that some intruder unbeknownst to me is physically abusing me during my sleep inside my bolt-locked apartment unit here in Manhattan! But it's unlikely I can convince our DA to get factual reports about my nocturnal dreams admitted as crime evidence for me in a courtroom here!"
---"One of the reasons I know that New York is full of stalkers is that whenever I go out on a date, at some point my dating partner will suddenly ask me with a very intense look on their face: 'Are you sure you're not a stalker type?' I then spend 10 minutes explaining to them in painstaking detail why I definitely DO NOT fit the profile of a stalker! One of the points I make is that I don't have enough expertise at electronics to surveillance their apartment unit and bug their telephone! And besides, I'm not sure it's possible to bug anyone's cell phone, even if I tried!"
---"The best idea I can come up with for a best-selling non-fiction book with a New York theme is one that's entitled, 'Our City Under Demonic Siege: 100 of the Most Terrifying Stalkers Who Ever Struck Manhattan!"
---"As a dream-studies analyst, Anna is confident that she can make a six-digit income here just from testifying several times per year in a court of law about crime evidence obtained from a forensic review of a crime victim's nocturnal dreams! It's an emerging field in which expert witnesses get paid lots of bucks just from providing their expert opinion in a court of law here in Manhattan!"
---"I don't know whether it violates your professional code of ethics if you as an attorney invite a judge here out to lunch. It probably wouldn't look good if you were both seen in public dining together in a restaurant. That's my opinion. But I don't know what state law says on that."
---"The only type of commercial real-estate developer I want to meet is one who specializes in providing New Yorkers with the option of a mini-mini-mini-one-room apartment unit. I need that option in order to be able to make rent every month. When I call the managers at apartment complexes here, I am always asking if they offer a tiny apartment unit so tiny that it's only slightly bigger than a jail cell. Any other size would be way out of my price range!"
---"My apartment unit is so tiny that it guarantees me continuation of my celibacy. There is no room inside my unit for two bodies, much less my own. It is physically impossible for me to have anyone over for the night inside my unit. The only theoretical scenario that could develop would be one in which one of the insects that inhabit my unit might attempt to sting me in my gonads. That would feel like involuntary bestiality, but unfortunately I couldn't file charges against the offending ant or spider! There are no crime cases on record here in which an insect is the cited defendant."
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