THE NEW YORK SCENE REVISITED: AN IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT FROM MARCH 2017

--"I hate the way St. Patrick's Day gives the impression that the Irish people want to give you cancer. They don't. But everyone in the U.S. wants to have their beverage dyed green on this special day of the year. And studies have shown that drinking dyed beverages increases your risk of contracting cancer. So 10 years from now when you're on your deathbed, you may be whining that it was a 'curse from the Irish' that gave that to you."

---"I worry more about being on my deathbed because of Louisiana-style cuisine. I love the Cajun style food for flavor, but everytime I dine in a Louisiana-style restaurant here, I get sodium-saturated. My cardiologist warns me to avoid sodium saturation if I want to stay away from the cardiology ward of a hospital. So maybe I should write to the Governor of Louisiana and ask for advice. I would hate to be in a hospital emergency room thinking that I am full of rage over what Louisiana did to me!"

---"Would you tell me who our current allies are, now that Donald Trump is President? I think he forgets the point that if we have no allies on this entire planet, that increases our chances of getting outnumbered during military conflicts."

--"It would definitely be a disaster if war breaks out with Trump in charge and no other nation agrees to help us fight that war."

---"Personally, my biggest fear is that President Trump will trigger a remake of the Korean War. Except that this time, when China comes to the aid of North Korea and sends troops, the American troops will be completely overwhelmed. Plus, the Chinese Government would refuse to send us any more manufactured goods from China during that Trump-style Korean War. So our entire nation at home would come to a standstill from the sudden loss of Chinese manufactured goods here."

---"The only consolation is that a 21st Century Korean War might inspire a remake of the M.A.S.H. television series. I used to enjoy watching that show. My friends even joked with me by saying I reminded them of 'Hotlips Hoolihan'. I was completely celibate during that period, so the comparison was very weak. But it made me feel like a Sex Goddess here in New York, and I even thought of opening up my own restaurant here named 'Hotlips Hoolihan' to celebrate my Hollywood-style glamor."

---"I personally think the Statue of Liberty lady would be kind of sexy, if she had revealed anything beneath her face. As it stands now, you just have to imagine what she would look like as a Playboy centerfold."