THE LATEST EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT FROM THE NEW YORK CITY SCENE OF 2016: IMAGINARY QUOTATIONS FROM IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS IN MANHATTAN

"She is so chauvinistic about Manhattan that she refuses to set foot on any of the outlying burroughs, as she calls them. To me, she's making a big mistake to declare that Queens and Yonkers and Brooklyn have nothing to offer her."

"I'm very surprised I don't get invited to any Manhattan Clam Chowder parties here. You'd think it would be de rigeur for a New Yorker to host a Manhattan Clam Chowder party at least once per year."

"Personally, I wouldn't know when to host a Manhattan Clam Chowder party. I don't know when the clams are considered to be in-season. It's not as if they're more likely to be biting the bait, so to speak, in any given month. I guess I could write to the New York Clam Industry Council, if there is one, to find out the best month for hosting a tomatoey clam chowder party in honor of Manhattan's own recipe."

"I would assume that the best month for hosting a Manhattan-style Clam Chowder Party would be the coldest month of the year, which is January. To me, it makes perfect sense to start out the New Year by throwing a Clam Chowder Festival inside your own home."

"So where do the clams come from that get highlighted in a Manhattan Clam Chowder Party? I don't think we should overlook the contributions made to our party by the state of Maine-- or is it the state of Massachusetts --- where clam-catchers are no doubt numerous. Maybe I could make a point of inviting some recent graduate from that famous liberal arts college in Maine to attend my party. I could contact the local alumni association for that college, if only I can remember the name of that college. Is it Bedouin, like the camel?"

"Camels have nothing to do with clams. And it's Bowdoin---not Bedouin---College. So please don't repeat the neumonic device you use to remember that college in Maine, if you actually get some recent graduate from that school to attend your party. No one likes being compared to a camel. But of course, no one likes being compared to a clam, either. I'm sure anyone who has lived in Maine gets compared to a clam at some point."

"You just remind me, maybe I should re-name it as an 'All About Clams' Party that features clam dip as an appetizer. Or do you think everyone would get all clammed out, if everything I serve has clams in it?"

"If you eat too many clams, maybe you get Clam-idia. I think this thought is deeply embedded in the minds of all New Yorkers. We're all trying to avoid catching chlymidia on a year-round basis. It's one of our leading goals in life."

"I assume you are joking when you suggest that eating lots of clams at an 'All About Clams' party will give you venereal disease. You are either joking or you have been drinking something alcoholic since we last spoke."

"I need to find out which types of crackers to serve at a Manhattan Clam Chowder party. No one has ever told me what a clam chowder cracker should look like. To me, the best crackers would be crackers that you can drop into the chowder without their going soggy. Too bad there isn't a Seafood Parties Consultant here I could contact for advice. But I'm not willing to pay $100 an hour for that, so maybe I should do a Google search to find out which type of crackers combine best with Manhattan-style Clam Chowder. What about a cracker with tasty bits of tomato inside, to accentuate the tomato motif already being highlighted by our local chowder?"