"I hope you don't think I'm a fiber freak. I've been told by my doctor to triple my fiber intake, so that's why I count fiber as much as possible whenever I dine out."
"Fiber is very much on the minds of all New Yorkers these days. One item on our menu I especially recommend for fiber is our broccoli. We can offer you a side of broccoli, if you like, and you will definitely get lots of fiber from it."
"You must think I'm anticipating my next bowel movement, and that is why I'm demanding so much fiber from your restaurant."
"Not at all. Your fiber-minded lifestyle is very refreshing. And while I'm on that subject, I urge you to try our homemade multi-grain bread with your meal. I will check with my manager so I can offer you the exact fiber count on that bread."
"Maybe I should approach the subject from the other end. Is there any item on your menu that you feel would NOT be high enough in fiber to satisfy my doctor?"
"I don't believe that our homemade vanilla pudding is high in fiber. But if you like, we could sprinkle some high fiber crumbs on top of our pudding before we serve it to you. Do you think that would meet your doctor's specifications?"
"Gee, I'm not sure. I don't have my doctor right here, and it might be rude if I call the doctor on call for my medical clinic and ask a fiber question at 8 p.m. like this."
"Well, if you change your mind, I would be more than happy to speak with the doctor on call for you and answer any questions about fiber in our restaurant that he might have. We want our dishes here to be 'Just What The Doctor Ordered'."
"How clever of you. You are definitely one of the wittier waitresses I've met in a long while. But I'm not sure if 'wittier' is a word. The only word like that I'm sure about is a proper noun. That is the city in California where Richard Nixon grew up or attended college, I forget which, before he became President. And Nixon liked cottage cheese with ketchup on top. Cottage cheese is good for fiber, I would assume, so that is one thing you have to admire about Nixon. I should call my high school English teacher and ask her if 'wittier' as an adjective is actually a word. Anyway, you are definitely one of the wittiest waitresses I've met in a long while. Let me rephrase that. You are one of the most witty waitresses I've had in a long time. So thank you for making this a special dining experience for me."
"You're very welcome. We care very deeply about all of our guests' cardiovascular health here at 'Heart of Manhattan' restaurant. As you might have guessed, we got our name because our owner is a cardiologist who bought a restaurant to help keep New Yorkers away from the hospital emergency room as much as possible."
"That's quite a noble calling for your restaurant. And I'll be thrilled if I can stay away from the emergency room for the next six-month period, with help from this new lifestyle strategy of dining at 'Heart of Manhattan'. And that reminds me, do any of your dishes have names like 'Aorta' in them? If not, that's fine with me. I'm not sure that I want to imagine what an aorta looks like when I'm eating a meal, anyway."
"We don't currently have an Aortic Delight dish on our menu, but that's a great idea. And if you'd like, I can measure your blood pressure after you're through eating your meal. This is one public service that our owner wants us to offer as an option for all of our guests here. And there's no charge for the free blood-pressure reading right at your dining table. Does that sound like something you'd like to try?"
"I'd love to. It would give me something to tell all my friends and relatives in New Jersey about when I get home and start making phone calls. They'll all want to visit here and get their free blood pressure reading. Everyone loves to be on the cutting edge of a new trend, especially here in Manhattan where we're always expected to be trend-setters for the entire world."
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