A LATE FEBRUARY IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT FROM MANHATTAN:

---"Personally, I would find it intriguing to read profiles on each of the wild animals most likely to dwell in the street gutters of New York. It's the type of urban biology topic that could make for a fascinating study. Maybe there should be a special Street Gutter Exhibit at the Bronx Zoo, highlighting each of the wild animals that thrive in our city's world-famous street gutters."

---"I agree with you that New York is more famous for having street gutters than just about any other city in the entire world. Of course it makes sense for New York to sponsor a Street Gutter Biology study."

---"So where do you move to if you're not tough enough for New York? Do you move to Boston?"

---"I wonder whether all the publicity about alleged Russian interference in the Presidential campaign is having any effect on business at the Russian Tea Room here."

---"There may well be some tourists who want to dine in the Russian Tea Room in order to request 'the variety of hot tea that Vladimir Putin calls his favorite.' Putin has had lots of media publicity, making him a world-famous celebrity, and Donald Trump endorses him, so there may well be consumer demand for a Putin Tea at the Russian Tea Room here in New York."

---"I just had a fantastic idea for a new brand of cologne. It could be called 'Poisonous Passion', with a sly smile on the face of Vladimir Putin pictured on the front of that cologne bottle."

---"I need to find out whether individuals who pursue the living will option are more likely or less likely to get murdered by a cited beneficiary. With all the wealth I have in my own estate, I have to be very, very careful. I think I'm safer if I do a living will. That way I can be generous with beneficiaries DURING my lifetime, without any of them seeing my generosity as incentive to bump me off, so to speak. I think every New Yorker has to ask himself this type of question: If I'm generous with someone, will he or she try to bump me off at some future point? Here in New York, the ones you're nice to often act like their favorite saying was 'ALWAYS BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU!".

---"I would like to put a whole turkey into my slow-cooking crockpot in my kitchen and then leave my apartment unit that morning for work. My hope would be that after my workshift had ended I could return home at 6 p.m. and find my slow-cooked turkey ready for me to serve at out family dinner table. Actually, I'm not sure that my idea would work. It takes a lot of time to cook a turkey even if you're using a regular oven. Do you know of any slow-cooker company that has come up with a way to cook turkey when I'm away from home? I crave the flavor and protein of turkey and I love the fact that it's very low in saturated fat and cholesterol. But I have to keep in mind that a turkey will require a giant crock pot, even if I can somehow find a way to get the turkey cooked in time for me to serve it for dinner."

---"Janet, your turkey in a crockpot idea reminds me of another terrific idea. What about finding some philanthropist to fund scientific research aimed at developing a  hybrid miniature turkey that can actually fit into one of my current crockpots? This would make it perfect for those of us who crave the taste of turkey but can't be at home in order to actually do the actual cooking part."

--"I sometimes worry that a new study will come along which states that all those years of my drinking green tea were in vain, since drinking black tea would have been better for my health. I admit that black tea has a lot more flavor to it, so this new study will basically be telling me that all my years of denying myself the pleasures of black tea made me a complete fool and a complete masochist and, what's more, someone who may have lost a year or two of potential longevity from drinking the wrong type of tea!"

--"I think New Yorkers have more nightmares during their sleeping hours than residents of Boston have. New York is so full of scary people that this will give anyone very frightening dreams during their sleep. In New York, Halloween is an exercise in redundancy, since living in New York means getting spooked year-round by all the very horrifying people who live here!"

---"I'm planning to write a new book on secrets of concentration by professional athletes. Each pro athlete will be invited to answer the question, 'How do you keep your concentration throughout each game or match in which you compete?' I would ask New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady to be the first one to answer that question. He could help me to make my book a best-seller. Maybe I should make a donation to his non-profit foundation, though, before I ask him for an interview. That might help me get the celebrity quote from him that I will need for that book."