Tuesday, January 3, 2017


(1) If any of you are wondering where Donald likes to hang out in New York these days, I bet you 100 rubles that you'll find him inside the Russian Tea Room practicing the fine art of giving a Russian-style kiss to the derriere of  Vladimir Putin.

(2) Everyone's talking about the advisors whom Donald Trump is adding to his White House team. But no one has commented yet on who he plans to hire for in-house dieting consultant. The first thing that dieting expert should tell Donald is to cut the caviar immediately. It seems that Donald has been stuffing his face with caviar for so many weeks of the Presidential campaign that it's damaged his girlish figure.

(3) The best news about Donald Trump as President is that he's reportedly sober at all times. That means that any decision he makes, he cannot claim an "I was drunk in the Oval Office, so I wasn't responsible for my actions" excuse in a court of law when he gets sued for a bad decision. His dead-serious style in the Oval Office will call to mind for everyone a novel by Truman Capote. That book was entitled "In Cold Blood" and it featured the alcohol-free massacre of numerous innocent Americans in Kansas.

(4) Things are getting so cozy between the United States and Russia these days that I understand that President-elect Trump plans to ask Congress to approve a new law requiring celebration of a "Caviar Appreciation Day" on an annual basis throughout our entire country.

(5) Everyone is expecting President Trump to compete with Vladimir Putin in a friendly game of chess when Trump pays his first official visit to Moscow. Despite this, no media company has confirmed that Donald Trump knows how to play chess. Checkers seems to be more his cup of tea. That's understandable, since he's certainly had a checkered past.

(6) Many of us are looking forward to the millions of Presidential tweets that Donald Trump is expected to generate while in the Oval Office. He's determined to be the first American President who generates 1,000 clever tweets per week about what his latest opinion or whim happens to be. It seems that Trump has decided this is the best way for him to get mentioned by name in the history books 100 years after his one total term of office is finally over. Many believe that future historians will summarize his Presidency with tweet-style brevity by stating, 'Congress told Mr. Trump: 'You're fired!'"

(7) I don't agree with those who say that Donald Trump's addiction to generating tweets identifies him as a "tweety-bird".  I think it's unfair to call him a Bird Brain in the Oval Office. He's clearly a notch above our avian friends in intellect----which is very reassuring news for our entire country, unless you believe that a "Near Bird-Brain in the Oval Office" implies that a sub-human intellect is somehow perched in the Presidency. Let's hope he can give us all a pleasant-sounding near-chirp, at least.

(8) Some of us are expecting President Trump to make a quick trip to Puerto Rico in January, in order to prove that he respects the Puerto Ricans of New York City. But the obvious reply is that his trip to Puerto Rico would have the opposite effect. It would be like Donald from thousands of mile away in the Caribbean flipping the bird at all the Puerto Ricans in New York City, and then sending them a postcard that declares, "Wish you were here, and not there! Adios Con Amor, Donald"

Donald does have a way of gloating with glee, you will notice if you pay close attention to his Presidential style.

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