A WARNING TO MEMBERS OF THE CRIMINAL ELEMENT HERE IN AUSTIN: IF YOU SUBJECT AN AUSTIN RESIDENT AT A TIME WHEN HE IS ASLEEP AND UNCONSCIOUS TO UNAUTHORIZED NASAL INHALANTS OR LIQUIDS FORCED INTO HIS MOUTH, YOU HAVE COMMITTED AN OUTRAGEOUS MISDEMEANOR CRIME HERE IN AUSTIN

That misdemeanor crime is "Assault by Contact," according to Patrick, a helpful male staff member for the City of Austin's 24-hour-a-day 311 telephone information and referral service. I spoke with Patrick during a 311 phone call I made on Monday, April 15, 2019.

Patrick also stated that all 311 staff members serve as an initial point of contact for the Austin Police Department.

In that phone conversation, Patrick also assured me that in any of the above-cited scenarios, the victim has the legal right to file charges against the alleged perpetrator through the Austin Police Department and Austin Municipal Court.

Patrick also stated to me yesterday that if you as a member of the criminal element ever at any time insert an anal-vibration device into anyone's anus during periods when he is asleep and unconscious and lying alone on his own bed inside his locked apartment unit, you have also committed the crime of assault by contact, Patrick stated.