Thursday, July 27, 2017


---"My friend George is subscribing to an online criminal-background-check service, and lately he's been so obsessed with it that he's doing background checks on everyone, including the elevator operator for his apartment building. George insisted on obtaining that elevator operator's last name, first name, and middle initial, since George felt it would be a potentially fatal mistake if he overlooked that angle. I told George that he's so addicted to doing background checks that he might as well ask each taxi driver George waves down to provide a full name, including middle initial, before George even thinks of getting into that driver's taxi."

---"You're exactly right about elevator operators as potential crime suspects whenever anyone gets raped or murdered in your apartment building. The elevator operator is one of the first ones the Homicide Squad should interview, but often they overlook him for some reason."

---"I don't blame her for planning to develop a  new website exploring misconceptions about Sicilians and the island of Sicily. Since she is 100 percent Sicilian in ancestry, Gina is frequently being insulted by other ladies here who emphatically declare to Gina that 'your genealogy must read like a "Who's Who of Mafia Figures"'. Gina tells me she is very sure that no one in her own family history has ties to the Mafia, and she's determined to help vindicate the many honorable Sicilians who can say the same."

---"It's entirely possible there are some villages in Sicily where Mafia infiltration of the local economy is non-existent. To me, those villages should get specially honored, such as through a special awards ceremony announcing that they were recently certified as Mafia-free. It would make a fine media event for the President of Italy to preside over."

---"I always check the fingernails of my waiters when I dine out here in Manhattan. I can usually tell from their fingernails if my waiter is a drug addict. And if they fail the fingernail-inspection test, in lieu of a tip I always leave a card for them on the dining table, providing them with factual information about drug-treatment programs here that I recommend."

---"Whenever I dine out in Manhattan and my waiter greets me with a nice smile, I will ask him if he can name any President of the United States or Supreme Court Justice who has cited restaurant-waitering on his resume. I notice that the smile on my waiter's face collapses whenever I pose that question to him."

---"The type of clergyman I need is one who does not invite confessions from his congregation. If I joined a religious group where the clergyman expects me to confess my sins to him, I would find that humiliating to the point of mortifying. I have a first-rate memory, and I can easily recall at least 100 sins I've committed, the majority of them sins that would make a priest's face turn beet red with shock."

---"I find it tragic how many New Yorkers cite 'committing sins' as their favorite hobby. They delight in their pursuit of sin so thoroughly that they even boast about it on Facebook. Name a vice that some NYPD squad has investigated, and those New Yorkers have pursued that vice so incessantly and so relentlessly that they're world-notorious in that category. They might as well wear T-shirts declaring to everyone that 'I'm a Devil-Worshiper and Proud of It!'"

---"I find it very eerie that some of the New Yorkers who root for Duke University in basketball games have admitted to me that they like the Blue Devils mascot for that squad because it matches their own religious beliefs. Leave it to New Yorkers to embody and amplify flagrant forms of perversion 24 hours a day, every day of the year!"

---"I think Andrea joined a devil-worshiping cult here partly because she has a habit of telling everyone after every sex orgy she shamelessly participates in that 'The devil made me do it!' She openly joined the demonic cult, I think, to be consistent with her lifestyle practices here in Manhattan, since otherwise she would feel as if she were living a lie."

---"I am very shocked that Andrea attends orgies in the year 2017. I can understand if she had done that in a previous decade, but not in the current one. It's a bit like fiddling while Rome burns, the famous story about Emperor Nero. Why should Andrea be running around naked at a sex orgy while the rest of us are trying to figure out how to protect our national security from Russian infiltration of the White House? Andrea's timing is way off, if you ask me, and she's very mistaken if she thinks she'll get paid $50,000 by Playboy Magazine when photographs from her orgies somehow get published in Playboy under the headline, "The More, the Merrier in Manhattan: Multiply Orgasmic Pleasures at New York-Style Sex Orgies'

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