Semi-Fictional Notes from an Eavesdropper Visit of Mine to New York City, New York,That Never Occurred

 --"So what is the technical name for a researcher who specializes in studying addictions? Is that person an Addictologist? I'm sure the Columbia Center for the Study of Addictions would have that info if I called them."

---"One thing you don't have to worry about is anyone being addicted to yourself. You have gotten zero unsolicited  personal phone calls the last 10 years. This proves to me that no one in the entire  USA is addicted to you. I have the opposite problem. I get personal voice mail messages from dozens of persons every  day. I am 'Mr. Charisma of Manhattan'. Everyone wants to have lunch with me, and more importantly, everyone wants to be SEEN having lunch with me inside a fancy restaurant. I'm a Very Coveted New Yorker, or VCNY, as I like to refer to myself. Everyone wants to bask in my prestige."

---"This is a great place for persons who are addicted to reaching the 20th floor of as many buildings as possible. New Yorkers climb buildings like Utahns climb mountains. Once we take the elevator up to the 20th Floor, we exit and announce to everyone that have reached the Summit and We Are Elated By Our Latest Conquest of a Skyscraper in Manhattan."

---"I am keeping a record of the exact date and time when conquered each of the tallest buildings here for the first time ever by reaching their 20th Floor via elevator ride."

--"Anyone addicted to taking elevator rides ranks us number one in the USA. I would estimate that 20 percent of us New Yorkers get a euphoric high from riding elevators to the tops of buildings."

---"There is even a 'Traveler's Guide to Riding Elevators of Manhattan' that caters to that fetish."

---"We have more experts in more of the very obscure specialty fields than any other city in the country. If you want to meet a scholar on the History of Violent Crimes That Occurred in Unlit Alleys, this is the Hub of the Universe for that specialty."

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