AN IMAGINARY NEW YORKER OFFERS INSIGHT ON HOW TO LAWFULLY ELIMINATE SOMEONE AS A PROSPECTIVE DATING PARTNER

 

---"I have figured out how to find out whether someone I'm meeting for a date for the first time is a smoker. I will ask them whether they think Marlboro cigarettes are too dominant in the tobacco industry. If they say yes, and they then elaborate that they prefer smoking another type of cigarette, this immediately tells me they're a smoker. If they say no and state that Marlboro cigarettes are superior to the other brands, so it's not surprising that Marlboro is dominant in the tobacco industry, this immediately tells me they have in fact smoked Marlboro cigarettes and other brands' cigarettes. Either way, I have a basis for discreetly ending my date with that individual as soon as possible. I REFUSE to date any smoker."