---"Everyone in my office is betting on how many more days it will be before Trump resigns. Whoever guesses right is going to earn at least $10,000 from this one, since our betting pool this time has attracted a lot more interest than we get for NFL games. I'm assuming this is legal, but I should check with my attorney to make sure that the FBI won't try to arrest whoever wins the winner-take-all prize on this one."
---"Trump will go down in history as the U.S. president who lasted in the Oval Office for the fourth-shortest time period. The guy who won first place for briefest tenure in the White House was President Harrison, and he died of natural causes a month after he got inaugurated. The other revolving-door presidents we've had were Zachary Taylor and James Garfield, the latter of whom was assassinated. I can almost imagine a special portrait of Donald Trump shaking hands with Presidents Harrison, Taylor, and Garfield, and enjoying a good laugh together with each of them as they all stand in front of the White House reflecting on their historic brevity in the Oval Office."
---"We won't have to worry about any street here being re-named Trump Boulevard. Trump's infamy does not deserve public recognition. Maybe in Manhattan, Kansas, where he was admired, there will be a street getting re-named 'Trump the Martyr Boulevard'' or 'St. Donald Boulevard'. But not here, not anywhere in the Manhattan that we all know and love."
---"Everything Trump did during his brief tenure in the White House was below par. Since he is obsessed with golf, maybe he regards that as yet another statement of great praise for himself."
---"Your comment about a proposed St. Donald Boulevard somewhere in the Midwest raises a question. Was there, in fact, a saint of the Catholic Church named Donald? I don't remember any Saint Donald, so when our soon-to-be-ousted chief of state claims that he was martyred by the news media, his fanatical fans will try to get him praised as a great Christian martyr."
---"We won't have to worry about any street here being re-named Trump Boulevard. Trump's infamy does not deserve public recognition. Maybe in Manhattan, Kansas, where he was admired, there will be a street getting re-named 'Trump the Martyr Boulevard'' or 'St. Donald Boulevard'. But not here, not anywhere in the Manhattan that we all know and love."
---"Everything Trump did during his brief tenure in the White House was below par. Since he is obsessed with golf, maybe he regards that as yet another statement of great praise for himself."
---"Your comment about a proposed St. Donald Boulevard somewhere in the Midwest raises a question. Was there, in fact, a saint of the Catholic Church named Donald? I don't remember any Saint Donald, so when our soon-to-be-ousted chief of state claims that he was martyred by the news media, his fanatical fans will try to get him praised as a great Christian martyr."
---"As egomaniacal as Donald Trump is, after he resigns he'll immediately contact the Guinness Book of World Records to find out how many first-ever achievements he can claim. One of those achievements will be Most Total Number of Lies told by a U.S. President during his first two years in the White House. That might well earn him recognition in the book of world records."
---"If you as a Christian believe that all liars go to hell, you can always hope that Donald Trump will be able to afford a first-rate chauffeur in a very fancy limousine to drive Donald to his expected destination. Basking in luxury as his last and final hurrah, you might say."
---"Think of all the former staff members for President Trump who will proudly declare during a job interview somewhere that they got fired by Trump for insubordination. Trump's 'you're fired' declaration will be the only professional reference they need to prove that they are well-qualified and very honorable. They might even wear an 'I was Fired by Donald Trump!' button on their jacket as their leading credential at the job interview."
---"If you as a Christian believe that all liars go to hell, you can always hope that Donald Trump will be able to afford a first-rate chauffeur in a very fancy limousine to drive Donald to his expected destination. Basking in luxury as his last and final hurrah, you might say."
---"Think of all the former staff members for President Trump who will proudly declare during a job interview somewhere that they got fired by Trump for insubordination. Trump's 'you're fired' declaration will be the only professional reference they need to prove that they are well-qualified and very honorable. They might even wear an 'I was Fired by Donald Trump!' button on their jacket as their leading credential at the job interview."
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