CANDID COMMENTS BY NEW YORKERS IN MANHATTAN, AS IMAGINED BY A FORMER RESIDENT OF THE BOSTON AREA WHO CURRENTLY RESIDES IN TEXAS

---"I'm not sure that there are any psychotherapists here who specialize in helping clients get cured of megalomania. Anyone who lives in the Big Apple is expected to think big at all times, and megalomania is considered very normal here. In fact, if you are NOT a megalomaniac, this invites more suspicion than if you ARE one."

--"Megalomania in government can be harmful to your health. Of the five most recent mayors of New York, which duly-elected megalomaniac in the Mayor's Office do you believe inflicted the most damage on our city?"

---"I'm feeling a lot of social pressure lately to come up with my own personal cause celebre. All my friends here have told me they have each embraced a cause celebre that they love to talk about all day with anyone who is willing to listen to them. Now they are asking me if my failure to come up with a cause celebre of my own is an indication that I'm actually very shallow, and possibly a candidate for banishment from their group."

--"When I date guys here in Manhattan, I try to refrain from imagining how their resume would rate if it were reviewed with a fine-tooth comb."

---"Everyone says 'go by your intuition', but intuition is not enough these days. I want cold, hard facts in favor of anything and everything I do in my off-duty hours. I subscribe to 'Consumer Reports' magazine, 'Nutrition Action' magazine, and just about any other factual-minded advice publication that I regard as authoritative."

---"I love to follow the Heads of State of foreign countries up close. So living here in Manhattan is perfect for my lifestyle. You might say I'm a Foreign Heads of State groupie. Anytime a foreign head of state delivers a speech before the United Nations General Assembly, I ask for time off from my employer in order to attend the event. I then tape-record the entire speech for my Heads of State library inside my home, and I ask a close friend to photograph me shaking hands with that foreign head of state during their visit here. So far, I'm up to 53 photos of myself shaking hands with a foreign head of state at the UN."

---"Maybe I watched too many of the UN-Cola commercials on television, which called my attention to everything 'UN' featuring none of something inside. I am uncomfortable with abbreviating 'United Nations' as 'UN'. That abbreviation makes a negative statement about the UN, as if it were UN-exciting and UN-worthy of a visit by me, and also lacking in some ingredient that I myself crave."

---"Have you figured out yet which square block of Manhattan has the lowest incidence of honking by motorists? I've been here for 30 years, and I still am not sure which square block deserves the award for being a 'Haven from Honking' Zone."

---"I should do some research to find out whether any of the thoroughfares of Manhattan contain the word 'Haven' in their name. It's very likely that in a city with thousands of Yale alumni, at least one of them will insist that a boulevard here get named after the city in Connecticut where he got his own Ivy League degree."

---"I could probably get rich quick if I were a door to door foot-massage-machine salesman here. I don't know of any New Yorker who fails to complain that their feet are aching after a day of transporting themselves on foot on Manhattan. So demand for a successful foot-massaging machine for the home is astronomically high."

---"I love attending a cocktail party here where another guest asks me what I do for a living. I reply that I am a full-time foot-massage-machines salesperson. That's one career that 99 percent of New Yorkers would agree provides a valuable public service."

---"I just assume that our podiatrists outrank our cardiologists for level of popularity. New Yorkers with aching feet adore their podiatrist for helping them to get relief from their throbbing foot pain. Those same New Yorkers are unlikely to thank their cardiologist for recommending that they undergo triple bypass surgery."

---"I'm glad I studied Roman mythology, since it gave me a keen insight about the challenge that New Yorkers face. They are expected to travel by foot throughout Manhattan without ever thinking about their Achilees Heel being at risk of injury."

---"I would define a superficial New Yorker a 'Someone who believes the 'Everything Bagel' that has a wide variety of ingredients---including onions and jalapenos and cheese---tossed into it is the greatest invention in the entire history of this city.'"