Warning Signs that a Prospective Marriage Partner is NOT compatible with You

Among the warning signs that could indicate to you that a prospective marriage partner for yourself is not compabile with you are:

---Does that individual have any history of eliciting a wince of revulsion from yourself? If you have felt physically and aesthetically repulsed by that individual on any noteworthy occasion in the past, your "getting married" to that individual would only increase the likelihood that you would experience many hours or days or months or years of suffering from being subjected to someone whose very presence is very unpleasant and unappetizing to yourself.

---Are you repulsed by the accent or locution or style of speaking of that individual?

---Would you characterize the accent and locution of that individual as fake or phony?

---Do you have any reason to suspect that the individual stating that he wishes to marry you is possibly an "actor" faking his emotional response to you, and someone who has himself been paid by a third party to present himself as a "suitor" for yourself, that apparent actor possibly being a "professional associate" of a third party seeking to meddle in your life and possibly benefit financially from that meddling in some covert or surreptitious or possibly criminal context.

---Does that individual withhold from you the information that he (or she) is a citizen of a foreign nation? Does he (or she) erroneously state to you the foreign nation in which he does, in fact, have a citizenship?

---Does that individual state to you that he (or she) wants to get married to you partly, primarily, or exclusively because he (or she) seeks to obtain an American citizenship?

---When you reflect on your various recent outings in public that were emotional peak experiences or felicitous experiences or social outings that called to mind for you the term "joie de vivre," was that individual not in fact present in person in ANY of those joyously sublime outings for you?

---When you try to imagine your eventual retirement years with that individual, do you sense that virtually none of the traits you most admire in that individual today would be applicable to that individual several decades from now during your expected retirement years together?

---Do you sense that your prospective marriage partner would probably be either retired or semi-retired and spending a lot of time in your family's home for many of the years in which you yourself would still be working full-time at a workplace?

---Do you often note that you feel embarrased or humiliated or annoyed or verbally abused in public by that individual?

---Do you observe that whenever you speak to that individual, he or she responds by dissecting and critiquing your last comment to him (or her) while declaring it to have been an "irrational" or "poorly phrased" or "ungrammatical" or "inarticulate" or "ignorant" statement on your part?

---Are your "conversations" with that individual generally one-sided, in that he (or she) or you do nearly all of the talking in those conversations?

---Does that individual almost never pose questions to you about yourself that indicate a depth of sincere interest in you and acknowledges your own uniqueness and individuality?

---Do the questions posed to you by that individual strike you as being the types of questions that he (or she) could easily have posed to his (or her) most recent previous romantic-dating partner?

---Does that individual almost never pose any questions to you?

---Does that individual frequently verbalize criticism of yourself?

---Does that individual frequently state to you that he (or she) seeks to marry you and then "change" you or "make you a better person than you currently are"?

---Does that individual state or indicate to you that your marriage to himself (or herself) will not be a love-based relationship, but will instead be a cited case of "our being 'in like' with each other"?

--Have you ever heard or directly observed that that individual owns a whip or a chain, or owns a pair of leather slacks or leather jacket and indicates that he or she somehow condones or even endorses or practices "S&M" or "slavery" or "bondage" or "compelled relationships" or "kidnappings" or "hostage-taking" or "stalking" or "anonymous communications" or "pranks" or "death threats verbalized to someone" or "snuff movies" in any cited context?

---Do you find that your prospective marriage partner suggests to you an antonym for the dictionary words "fun" and "enjoyable" and "heartfelt"?

---Have you ever previously rejected that individual at any prior time in any context?

---Have you ever filed any legal complaint or lawsuit against that individual at any prior time?

---Does that individual ever state to you, "If you marry me, you'll hate me someday in the future"?

---Did that individual ever at any prior time file a formal written complaint against you with any employer of his or any government agency?

---Did you ever threaten to file a lawsuit or criminal-law complaint against that individual? Did that individual ever threaten you in writing that he (or she) might "pursue legal action against you"?

---Does that individual express defiance of or contempt toward your own legal and human right to enjoy a full platonic social life, throughout your entire life, with numerous persons from a variety of backgrounds whom you agree to associate with?

---Is that individual more than three years older than yourself, and yet he fails to show a diligent and empathetic and very conscientious and generous devotion to ensuring that he never intimidates or exploits or subjugates you based on his seniority or his higher socioeconomic status or his greater financial wealth, and he also fails to help ensure that you are every bit as strong and confident, and experiencing a full range of options and opportunities and freedoms (including your legal right to reject him and divorce him at any time and have that rejection promptly and fully honored by himself) in your marriage, as he himself would have?

---If your prospective marriage partner is three or more years older than yourself, has he (or has she) failed to offer you a written pledge that in the event that the marriage fails, he (or she) will be very generous with you financially in the terms of that divorce settlement occurring during his lifetime?

--If your relationship with that individual could be compared to either opening doors or closing doors, which of those two scenarios do you believe he (or she) is pursuing more often in regard to yourself and your great need for opportunities and options in life?

---Is your affinity toward that individual based 99 percent on his or her beautiful physical appearance, and only 1 percent on his or her personality, conversational aptitude, locution, intellect, career-related and other accomplishments, etc.
Do you tend to think of that prospective marriage partner as "someone flashy whom I'd love to show off to my friends and relatives, who'll be very impressed by my beautiful catch," though you secretly dread the thought of yourself actually having a private conversation in person with that individual, since you are very mindful of your not enjoying his or her in-person conversational companionship.

---Does that individual ever say to you, "I love your body or physique, but not your mind or your personality or your religious or political beliefs"?

---Is that individual completely speechless and panicky, and even appears stunned when you politely point out to him that many women have fine bodies, and you're wondering what, in his personal opinion, sets you apart from all the other ladies with nice bodies?

---Do you find that when that individual verbalizes praise for yourself, he (or she) offers you that cited compliment in a context that is either trivial or very flippant or back-handed, thereby nullifying and making a complete mockery of those cited words of praise for yourself?

---Do you find that the words of praise your prospective marriage partner offers you have a generic and superficial ring to them, with yourself wondering whether those very same words of praise for yourself were verbalized a matter of weeks or months before to a previous romantic dating partner of his (or hers)?

---Does that individual exhibit constant fascination with stylish cars in mint condition, so much so that he sometimes directly or indirectly compares you to "the model of car I'd most like to drive in the bedroom"?

---Does that individual ever refer to a previous romantic partner of his whom he'd rejected as "a car model I decided to trade in for a shinier and sleeker and better vehicle"?

---Does that individual have any history of attempting to censor or "silence" your own political or religious views or personal views?

---Does that individual habitually or customarily use the word "jealous" in referring to his or her own (or others' expected) emotional response to an accomplishment or possession for someone else (or for himself or herself)?

---Does that individual smile at you almost exclusively in the context of his or her asking you if you would like to have some pre-marital sex with himself or herself?

---Do you find yourself smiling at that individual only rarely?

----Do you find that you never feel calm and tranquil and relaxed in the company of that individual, and that you never chuckle in a calmly delighted manner when he (or she) cracks a joke in your presence?

---Do you sense that your own sense of humor is so incompatible with your prospective spouse that you yourself are dismayed or offended by virtually everything that triggers delighted laughter in that individual?

---Do you feel under-confident and apprehensive or filled with anxiety during your in-person meetings with that individual?

---Do you sense that in the entire time period since you first began dating that individual on an in-person basis, with your most recent in-person date together being the other end of that time frame for the purposes of this question, your own skills and intellect and interests and creativity level has or have either atrophied, retrogressed, or increased only minimally?

---Do you feel irked or annoyed by two or more of the habits or customs or personal traditions of that individual? Does it ever occur to you that if you were to marry that individual, those same irksome or annoying habits or customs or personal traditions might, over time, prove to be alienating to you.

---Does that individual almost never use the word "love" in referring to his own response to yourself or others, or to activities he professes to enjoy pursuing.

---Does that individual almost always profess ardent love for you at a time when he (or she) has become intoxicated from consumption of an alcoholic beverage?

--Does that individual either no interest or only nominal interest in love poetry, and in art exhibits highlighting the theme of romantic love, during the courtship period in which he professes to love you passionately?

---Does that individual ever say "Shut up!" when he or she is talking to you?

---Do you find in meeting with that individual that you suddenly are reminded of recent news stories about serial killers or murderers or scam artists or spies from foreign countries?

---Does that individual frequently respond to a polite question you have posed to him by saying, "I don't want to talk about it."


---Does that individual indicate to you that there are some aspects of his own life, such as his conduct in his own past, that he refuses to ever discuss with you at any time?

---Does that individual ever suggest that your marriage to himself or herself will be "an arranged marriage" in which mutual-love is neither expected nor regarded as necessary?

---Does that individual ever compare himself or herself to a dictator or a slave-owner or a ruling king or ruling Emperor or ruling queen or princess?

---Does that individual repeatedly emphasize to you that "I'm (that individual) a very private person," without his also emphasizing to you, both through his statements and observable conduct, that he reveres the privacy rights of others as well.

---Does that individual appear to be preoccupied with the theme of sexual prostitutes and "whores," and with the use of the word "prostitute" or "mercenary" in describing many of the people whom that individual encounters?

---Does that individual repeatedly indicate to you from his comments and actions that he believes that pursuit of sexual pleasure is the leading motive found in nearly all human relationships, and that he (or she) does not regard platonic personal relationships or platonic love as important or, in the latter case, even possible.

---Does that individual appear to romantically flirt with or make sexually suggestive comments and verbalize sexual jokes to numerous persons, including persons of either gender, of whom you are aware?

---Does that individual repeatedly decline to meet you for breakfast, lunch, or dinner in a restaurant, or to meet you at a public place in any other context?

---Does that individual exhibit a frequent lack of appreciation of, or repeated underestimation of, the talents and strengths and overall value as human beings of the many acquaintances of his or her life, including waitpersons in restaurants, live-in servants, taxi drivers, store clerks, telephone company operators, office receptionists, police officers, etc.

--If you were to compile a list of each of the strengths and admirable attributes you have observed in that individual so far, would an accompanying list of unflattering traits you have observed in that same person be longer than the former list?

---Does that individual have a history of ever at any time failing to acknowledge the legal right and human right of another human being to reject himself and exclude himself from that other human being's own life?

---Has that individual ever been identified by you or anyone else as having been possibly guilty of intergenerational exploitation of any younger person?

---Does that individual appear to be an unethical and sadistically domineering and law-breaking "Sugar Daddy" figure who through bribery, extortionism, lies he's told, or blackmail, has allegedly taken advantage of and subjugated one or more financially vulnerable and emotionally vulnerable adult persons (or youths, even) who were each significantly younger in age than himself?

---Does that individual declined to show you a certified copy of a very recent criminal-history record that was issued to him by a government agency in the city where he resides?

---Does that individual never once state to you that he has ever called 911 and reported possibly illegal activities he's observed to a law-enforcement agency?

--Does that individual make comments indicating that he does not respect law-enforcement officers or military officers?

--Does that individual ever state to you that his all-time favorite movie is "The Godfather," or some other movie that celebrates outlaws?

--Do you notice that when the term "Mafia" gets mentioned in the presence of that individual, his facial expression registers a smile he is apparently unable to suppress?

---Does that individual refer to any relative of his who's cited as having a criminal-conviction record? If so, does that individual indicate to you that he is a close friend of or business associate of that relative of his?

---Does that individual indicate to you that he is an "anarchist" or a "libertarian" or a "libertine" pr a "Playboy" who fervently supports government-sponsored legalization of marijuana and sexual prostitution, for instance?

---Does that individual joke with you that if you get married to him (or her), married life will be "mellow" and "we'll be sharing marijuana brownies together inside our home sweet home."

--Does that individual directly or indirectly call attention to your own cited "financial vulnerability" or "emotional vulnerability" or "lack of skills" or "lack of talent," and to his or her own cited desire to "take care of you"?

---Do you often sense or sometimes sense that you have not gleaned any intriguing or helful insights or knowledge from that individual, and that if you married that person, you would end up as the "teacher" or "mentor" or "brain in the family" and your marriage partner would be the "pupil" or "student" in that relationship?


---Does that individual ever physically hit or physically grab or physically pinch or physically embrace or physically pounce on any person in a context you directly oberve that you regard as having been improper conduct on his or her part?

---If you were to compile a list of each of the noteworthy words of praise for yourself that your prospective marriage partner has verbalized to you in the past, would that list be very, very minimal---or even ZERO words of praise for yourself.
What percentage of the words of praise for yourself, if any, related solely to physical attributes of yours---"Your skin is soft," "you have lovely eyes," "you have a nice body," etc.?


---Do you find that having a conversation about non-romantic topics with that individual is difficult for you, since you and that individual are not conversationally compatible?

--Does that individual have any history of telling you a deliberate lie on any occasion?

---Has that individual ever knowingly withheld from you any pertinent information that you, as a prospective spouse of that individual, need to know about that person?

---Does that individual refer to anyone else as being "my enemy"? Do you have any reason to suspect that if you and that individual prove to be incompatible with each other, your own name would be added to that individual's "enemies list"?

---Does that individual ever indicate or state to you that he seeks to "harm" any cited "enemy" of his?

---Does that individual in his everyday conversations with yourself frequently verbalize the language of misanthropy, such as by frequently describing one person or another as being: an "a-hole" (obscenity), "a b-stard" (profanity), "a bi-ch" (obscenity), "a jerk," "a creep," "a son-of-a-b--ch" (profanity), "a b-thole" (profanity), "an a-s" (profanity), "a snake," "odious," "despicable," "someone I hate," "a fool," "shady," "sleezy," "slimey," "a nobody," "scum of the earth," "a scumbag," "a d-ck" (profanity), "a d--khead" (profanity), "an eyesore," "ugly," "gross," "a non-entity," "beneath my contempt," "stupid," "a moron," "mentally retarded," "crazy," "insane," "a sleezeball," "a nerd," "a turd," "sh-t-head" (profanity), a "ne'er-do-well," "a no-good," "the Anti-Christ," etc.

---Does that individual almost never employ the language of philanthropy (words such as "marvelous," "wonderful," "very fine," "outstanding," "kind," "delightful," etc.) in referring to or describing a person other than yourself?

---Does that individual ever state or indicate to you that "my most recent previous marriage partner died suddenly and unexpectedly and under mysterious circumstances"?

---Does that individual have a history of making statements to you that are contradictory? Did he or she tell you one week that he or she was born in Nebraska, and then tell you three weeks later that he or she was born in Texas?

---Does that individual ever abruptly hang up his end of the phone line without saying "good-bye" to yourself or any other person with whom he is speaking in a personal conversation?

---Does that individual ever exhibit to you a tendency toward what you yourself would characterize as "mental cruelty" toward yourself or anyone else?

---Does that individual exhibit a lack of full respect toward the privacy rights of yourself or any othe person?

---Does that individual use profane language or swear on a frequent basis in your presence?

---Does that individual have numerous hobbies and pastimes and major affinities that are significantly incompatible with your own?

---Does that individual have very few, if any, hobbies and pastimes and major affinities of his own that are significantly compatible with your own?

---Does that individual have no hobbies or pastimes?

---Does that individual indicate to you that he or she is frequently bored?

--Does that individual have any personal friends whom you believe to be significantly incompatible with you and offensive to you as human beings?

--Does that individual decline to invite you to have lunch or dinner or breakfast and a conversation with him and each of his closest personal friends or relatives?

--Does that individual ever state to you that "I'm (that individual) afraid to introduce you to my friends and relatives, since many of them would fall in love with you immediately and compete with me for your romantic love. You'd have to fight them off with a stick."

---Does that individual often make intimate-sounding or overtly flirtatious comments to the waitress waiting on your two-person party when you and your prospective spouse dine together inside a restaurant?

---Does that individual exhibit a tendency toward self-destructiveness? Does he express a keen affinity for sky-diving or rock climbing or riding in a motorcycle, for instance?

---Is that individual currently addicted to, or was that person ever previously addicted to, marijuana or any other illicit drug, drinking alcohol, or tobacco products?

---Is that individual currently addicted to gambling, or was he previously addicted to gambling?

---Is that individual so addicted to tattoos on his own body that his body resembles a very gaudy, unsightly billboard advertisement for a "product" that you yourself do NOT want to buy?

---Do you detect a lack of self-love on the part of that individual? If so, do you also sense that he (or she) would not be convincing when he professes to have "ardent love" for you on Valentine's Day or on your wedding anniversary?

---Is that individual addicted to any activity that you regard as being either illegal or otherwise injurious to himself and others?

---Does that individual express an inordinate amount of interest in learning about or in talking with you about your own current or expected future life insurance policy, or about how much total cumulative financial wealth and property wealth you yourself have earned over the course of your life thus far?

---Does that individual have a history of having infected any other person with a sexually transmitted disease or of having caused an unwanted pregnancy to a female person, or of having directly physically injured any person?

---Has that individual declined to share with you a recently-certified negative HIV-virus-test and all-negative STD-test result for himself or herself that clearly stated his or her legal name and birthdate on that certified test result.

---Did that individual refuse to share with you his complete medical history, including factual information about each major medical illness or medical problem or hospital surgery he has had or been subjected to in his entire life thus far?

---Did that individual withhold from you the pertinent factual medical information that he (or she) has been diagnosed by a reliable doctor as having a terminal illness, and that his (or her) remaining years of life are estimated to be two or fewer?

--Does that individual decline to introduce you in person to his primary-care physician, or to personally invite you to discuss your prospective spouse's medical history with his own primary-care physician during a private two-person meeting upon prior authorization from your prospective spouse?

---Does that individual state in advance that if he or she were ever at any time to infect you with any sexually transmitted disease, he or she would not regard that as a basis for your filing for divorce against himself or herself?

--Does that individual state or indicate to you that your planned marriage "will be an Open Marriage, since I love to play musical beds. It gives me a sense of rhythm in my life, you might say."

---Does that individual boast to you or confesss to you that in his or her recent past, at least, "I would play off one romantic partner of mine against another. I would indicate to each of them that I preferred that romantic partner over the other romantic partner, and I led each of them on in that way over a multi-week or multi-month or multi-month period."