My First Interview After I Become Famous

Back in 1990, a European visitor to the United States commented to me in West Texas that he was sure I'd be famous someday.

That comment has since prompted me to anticipate the first interview with a media company anywhere in the world that I'll grant after I am officially identified as being "famous."

That interview will probably go a bit like this:

INTERVIEWER: I find it admirable that you are seeking to help establish a generous financial fund that will assist individuals who suffer medical damage to themselves from year-round exposure to noise pollution they did not generate or want.

JKM: Thank you. I definitely feel there's an urgent need for financial funds of that type, offering either long-term low-interest-rate personal loans or financial stipends or grants to individuals suffering from medical injury resulting from their involuntary exposure to noise pollution on a repeated basis.

INTERVIEWER: Which states or cities of the United States do you regard as being the quietest?

JKM: I would need to travel the entire country to be sure. I think I'd buy a Quietness Meter and carry that with me everywhere, including indoors, on that trip.
INTERVIEWER: Are you baffled as to why the U.S. Government appears to largely ignore many of the noise pollution issues that arise in modern life?

JKM: Yes, I think 'baffled' sums up my reaction very tactfully.

INTERVIEWER: Are you hinting, possibly, that there might even be some degree of anger on your part toward the sources of that noise pollution, and toward government agencies that fail to adequately deter noise pollution?

JKM: I prefer not to speak in terms of anger. I take pride in having moral indignation, though.

INTERVIEWER: Are you indignant enough to march on the street on behalf of the legal rights of those who prefer quietude in the background?

JKM: Possibly, but I'd be concerned about the march being too noisy. I would hate to undermine my moral crusade against noise that way.

INTERVIEWER: Do you at least support the idea of filing criminal-law charges against those persons who knowingly subject any individual against his wishes--yourself, for instance----to noise pollution on a continuing basis that is medically and emotionally and financially injurious to himself, and that violates his privacy rights.

JKM: I definitely do. I am convinced, too, that there will be many legal precedents to emerge in that very important criminal-law arena. I can imagine entire government-owned institutions or non-profit entities and entire business entities or media companies being determined in a criminal-law courtroom to be criminally responsible for that type of reprehensible conduct.