THE CONVERSATIONS I MIGHT HAVE BEEN OVERHEARING IN MANHATTAN, HAD I BEEN THERE AT THE TIME: AN IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT

--"The word 'hearth' keeps ringing in my head all day, since the COVID-19 crisis puts the focus on your home and whether you enjoy a feeling of serenity and vitality and beauty inside your home. Maybe I should subscribe to Better Apartments and Gardens, if there is a magazine like that. I have never been a homeowner, so I'd feel pretentious if I subscribed to 'Better Homes and Gardens'."

--"I would like to have a soundproofing company come into my home and reduce noise pollution from outdoors by 60 percent. But if I have those complete strangers enter my condo unit, they might infect me with COVID-19. That could endanger my life from trying to make it quieter in here!"

--"I wish I were keeping a daily journal of my COVID-19 nightmares I'm having during my sleep. They are in addition to the nightmares I'm normally having during my sleep about an illegal home-invasion-crimes perpetrator victimizing me and torturing me during my sleeping hours as I lie ALONE on my own bed! I'm probably famous all over New York for being everyone's favorite home-invasion crimes victim who never gets help from NYPD!"

--"It is eerie to sense that at some point, with or without the COVID-19 pandemic, I will be drawing up a list of all the persons who FAILED to contact any law-enforcement agency and complain to that agency that they believed I was being victimized by alleged home-invasion crimes. Then I will draw up a list of all the persons, even if it's one or two, who DID call NYPD to offer crime tips to NYPD or the Attorney General of New York about my being victimized by daily and year-round home-invasion-crimes perpetrators during my sleeping hours. Those are definitely the ones I'll trust the most! The others are either false friends or fairweather friends utterly useless to me in the event of an actual crisis!"

--"I try to imagine what my COVID-19 Victory Party will be like when I attend it or host it sometime in the next year or two. Maybe we could offer colorful hors doeuvres that look a bit like the replica of the COVID-19 virus we see on the TV screen all the time."

--"Is it possible to have a heart-to-heart talk with anyone during this crisis period? Maybe I should call my daughter and ask her what her long-term goals are. Many times the parents are the last ones to find out. If I talk with her about her long-term goals, this will help to reassure her that she can survive the pandemic and that I will help her to achieve those goals of hers. My only restriction will be that I won't help her with goals that relate to marijuana or tobacco. As a parent, I am NOT willing to sponsor any of those two categories."

---"This is a good time to do an oral-history interview of an older relative of mine. But if I call them up, they might get suspicious, like this is how I want to remember them and they're turning into a museum exhibit for me. I don't blame them for being skeptical. But it's a way to retain a sense of their voice and their vision in my own life. Maybe they won't take offense if I ask them for the Oral History interview."

---"I wonder how many people are losing lots of sleep every night because of COVID-19. New Yorkers were very sleep-deprived even BEFORE the crisis, so there's always the risk that in their even more sleep-robbed state today, they'll snap right in front of you and do something very outrageous that forces you to call NYPD or the FBI. I don't thrill to turning into a criminal-law complainant here, but at some point there's no other alternative if you're conscientious and honest. I will probably be expected to testify for the prosecution in a courtroom, and I plan to wear a mask when I do that if the judge permits it. I don't want anyone getting any saliva on me in the courtroom."

--"Now I've got to prepare for the moment when the victim's family wants to hug me or shake my hand for the testimony I gave for the prosecution in their case. I will need to have a way to keep them at least six feet away from me. Maybe I could ask them to send me a thank-you note in lieu of a thank-you hug or thank-you handshake in the courtroom. I think I'll talk with the District Attorney first, to find out what she recommends on how I can avoid getting COVID-19-infected by the grateful family of the victim."

--"Serendipity did smile at me, so I'm grateful for that. If it hadn't been for the COVID-19 crisis, I might never have discovered 'fruit medleys' in the frozen goods section of the supermarket. I love these combinations of frozen strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries. Not only do their variety of bright colors cheer me up inside my apartment, but eating them and knowing they are rich with antioxidants feels great. I like to make a small frozen yogurt sundae using frozen fruits on top of vanilla frozen yogurt, no syrup and no sugar. This is one way to treat myself during the crisis."

--"This COVID-19 crisis reminds me that I have never had a one-to-one-talk with our Mayor. I think if I ever do something like that, I'll want to do my homework first. I will need to find out which Italian restaurant he likes the best, so I can refer to my favorite menu item from that restaurant in my meeting with the Mayor.  This is how to be savvy in New York: If the Mayor's Italian, of course you praise his favorite Italian restaurant during your meeting with him. Then once he's smiling, I will ask him why NYPD hasn't established a Home Invasion Crimes Unit, since I feel sure I have been victimized by home invasion crimes during my sleeping hours on a daily and year-round basis."