My Advice to American Society: Aphorisms, Observations, and Opinions about the United States of Today

(1) The official national bird of the United States of America---the bald eagle---has been an endangered species for many years, and this tells you a lot about the future of America as it currently conducts itself.

(2) To the many liberal Americans who cite "support for human diversity" as one of their most cherished goals for American society, my reply is that those liberals should instead be supporting LAW-ABIDING and HONORABLE FORMS OF HUMAN DIVERSITY---with emphasis on the term 'LAW-ABIDING AND HONORABLE'.
Cocaine addicts and drug dealers may add to the "diversity" of this country's millions of lifestyles, but they do so in a very disagreeable and dastardly manner. Profane-speaking Americans may add to the "diversity" of this country's millions of lifestyles, but many of us prefer NOT to hear that dreadfully obscene speech.

(3) To those who primarily look to our chief of state for leadership, I offer this response: When was the last occasion when you heard or saw a President of the United States verbalize the word "recycling" or "recycle" in a nationally televised address to the American people?

(4) America is a nation where many of us look upon our nation's youth as a pejorative term couched between the words "illicit" and "gang." What about the LICIT YOUTH GANGS of America? Why is it that the honorable youth groups receive so little interest from our nation's news media?

(5)America is a nation sorely in need of a "Profanity-Free Movie of the Year Award." However, it is not clear whether any movie director operating in this country these days could ever actually earn that award. The resulting news story might well prove to be that this admirable award could not be bestowed on anyone that year, since there were no current candidates for the honor.

(6) "Spend more time with drug addicts and help to rehabilitate them." This is one of the primary messages that our nation's political leadership offer us law-abiding Americans. My response is that if I instead spend more time with drug-free and law-abiding Americans, I may actually experience a moment of true pleasure and serenity and happiness in my own life.

(7) One of my fears about California is that our "very innovative" far western state will soon be hosting that state's very first "Drug Dealer of the Year Awards Banquet." News about that appallingly perverse banquet, I can predict with certainty, will be an occasion that makes me want to vomit.
It is just the sort of outrageous scene, ironically, that cries out for a desperate plea of "Batman to the Rescue, if only our Noble Caped Crusader is willing to drive his Batmobile to California, thousands of miles from his fabled Gotham City hometown!"

(8) Ours is a nation where vampirism is regarded as a popular theme for Hollywood movies---so much so that to decline to admire the "vampire chic" of today is to risk being accused of disloyalty to this country.

(9) If our nation's political leadership would take one-tenth of the time they currently devote to national security issues, and use that time instead for exploring the question, "How can America make itself MORALLY DEFENSIBLE"?, that change in our nation's priorities might actually help to save this country from ruination.

(10) The less that American troops have to actually wage war overseas, the better. Every time an American soldier kills one foreign citizen overseas, at least 100 surviving relatives and friends of the dead person are immediately turned into America-haters for life.

(11) The first employer in American history that sponsored year-round random-drug testing of all of its employees and prospective employees deserves a special award from the United States Congress.
But that very award would never come from a governing body in Washington, D.C., that refuses to require all of its own members to routinely undergo the very same random blood tests on at least two separate occasions per year. "My worst fear," as a U.S. Senator might note in his private diaries, "is that I myself would be exposed as an illicit-drug addict if I ever agreed to random drug testing on myself! And that would be politically disastrous for me, since my constituents would demand my immediate resignation!"

(12) Most American women would like to marry a man who is as physically powerful as a professional football player, but as gentle as a baby. What those women all too often end up with for husbands are former high school football players who are crybabies.

(13) American generosity toward the Chinese government is record-setting. Never before in American history have so many American consumers and American policy-makers done so much to finance massive military build-up of a ferocious foreign tiger that appears prepared to pounce on less powerful nations at the earliest opportunity! The resulting World War III, it seems, will feature lots of "fireworks" being exploded by Communist China!

(14) Ours is a nation where Americans contemplating a move to another U.S. state habitually ask themselves, "How does that state rank among our U.S. states for level of risk of an Arab terrorist attack inside that state?" This might help explain why so many Americans have moved to Nebraska, where the number of Arab-Americans per capita is decidedly low.

(15) Ours is a nation where Hollywood movies honor 10 "anti-heroes" for every one true hero. The surprise is that there's currently no "Hollywood Anti-Hero of the Year Awards Ceremony" annual tradition in Beverly Hills, California.
It's an awards ceremony, I predict, in which American actor Jack Nicholson is guaranteed of adding to his massive awards collection. Jack Nicholson prefers to be anti-heroic in his movies---often to the point of being openly sinister---and I, for one, cannot recall any truly benevolent role that Jack Nicholson ever agreed to play in his entire career thus far. Nicholson through his acting roles defines the exact opposite of the proverbial Christian gentleman: he apparently proceeds on the assumption that doing good deeds would increase his risk of going to Hell after he dies.

(16) Those who wonder why our nation's criminal-recidivism rate remains alarmingly high need only ask themselves why the directors of the most successful rehabilitation programs for convicted felons never receive Congressional Medals of Honor. American society has never adequately honored rehabilitation of criminals, and this explains why those convicted criminals continue being criminals after they are released from prison.

(17) One of the inevitable future trends in American society will be ear-transplant operations in which all the auditory organs of a recently-deceased human being are surgically removed and transplanted into another human being. This trend is inevitable since 9 of every 10 Americans of today appear to be at risk of going deaf. This is occurring from noise pollution they definitely DID NOT want and definitely DID NOT authorize. It's also occurring from noise pollution that Americans actually chose to inflict on themselves---rock concerts they actually agreed to attend, for instance.

(18) The perversion of moral values in this nation is so extensive that I dread the day when the Academy Awards ceremony in Los Angeles County, California, features a "Best Snuff Movie Documentary of the Year" award honoring the heinously criminal American who directed or produced the most citedly intriguing, entertaining, and original "alternative movie" highlighting the deliberate real-life infliction of murder on an involuntary hostage. It will be an Academy Award that a wildly popular "S&M Magazine" of the future, with millions of subscribers throughout this country, will gleefully celebrate through a full front-cover photograph.