A SUMMER OF 2021 IMAGINARY EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT FROM NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK:

 ---"You are a fine one to talk. You plan to write to President Biden and urge him to get a full eight hours of sleep every night so he can protect his medical health throughout his entire term of office. But in your own life here in Manhattan, you get only five hours of sleep every night. Why should you preach eight hours of sleep every night for President Biden when you can't even get that in the affluent life you lead with full privacy rights you enjoy in your condo unit here? It's not as if you have any excuses for your absurdly low five hours of sleep every night here in New York!"

---"You seem to be in a hurry to visit the White House, in order to shake hands with President Biden. Personally, I regard it as morbid that you are worried that President Biden might not last for the entire four year term, so you believe it's very critical that you visit D.C. in order to shake hands with him before it's too late. Haven't your ever heard of virtual handshakes? You can send him a friendly online greeting at White House.com that might help to boost his morale as our President! If you give him enough virtual handshakes, it might be great for his medical health and creatively vital longevity!"

---"I have finally identified an academic research specialty I know best. That field is home-invasion-crimes. I know what it's like to be victimized by home-invasion-crimes, so I'm an expert on that subject. I need to find a local college or university willing to hire me to give a series of lectures on Home Invasion Crimes in Modern Society. That's obviously my forte as a scholar. I might even write a best-selling book on the History of Home-Invasion Crimes in American Society. I would need a snappier title than that, though, in order to make the New York Times Best-Seller List."

--"Personally, I would flunk that question on 'Jeopardy' if the clue was something like 'First Detective to Solve a Home-Invasion Crime in American Society' or 'He Was the Father of Home-Invasion Crimes Investigations' or 'He Coined the Term 'Home-Invasion Crimes'."

--"I finally learned that it is grammatically correct to refer to a home-invasion-crime if the victim resides in an apartment unit and is a tenant renting that unit but not owning that unit. Now, if you are staying overnight in a motel room and someone breaks in, would the newspaper account about the crime state that it was a 'home-invasion-crime' or a 'motel-room break in crime'? It gets tricky when you are referring to a one-night stay in a hotel, it seems to me. Has a sense of home been established there for the paying guest in that hotel room? I don't think so, but I'm sure there is room for debate on that subject."

---"Every day I do a Google search trying to identify an American Association of Home Invasion Crimes Detectives, but I never come up with anything. Maybe I should contact a research librarian at the New York City Public Library. They might identify one nationally-renowned expert at solving home-invasion crimes cases who lives right here in Manhattan."

---"Someday I hope to throw a party in honor of any and all NYPD detectives who in the most recent 12-month period solved a Home Invasion Crimes case here in New York. It would take some research to get the list of names, but it's well worth the time and effort. We could throw the party at a well-guarded neutral site, such as at a restaurant's meeting room. It would have to be a restaurant of the highest possible integrity. I like to imagine standing up at that event to clap my approval after the Home Invasion Crimes Investigator of the Year is announced and gives an acceptance speech after they receive their award."

--"Can you imagine attending an event honoring Home-Invasion Crimes detectives, only to have a security problem occur in the building where the event is taking place? I dread those types of tragic ironies here in New York, but they are all too common. If you host a banquet honoring Home Invasion Crimes Detectives, you have to be 1,000 percent sure that there will NOT be any building security issue at any time during that entire event."

--"Personally, I am expecting to be watching television and suddenly learn that there's a new TV series that each week features a home-invasion crimes detective solving a very complex case. Each episode ends with the family or individual whose home was previously invaded by crime-perpetrators throwing a joyous party to celebrate the return to a 'Home, Sweet Home' experience here in New York. Every solved-case will be like a born-again experience for the survivors!"

---"We have so many home-invasion-crimes every year here in New York that there is even a psychologist in Manhattan who exclusively specializes in offering psychotherapy to invasion-crimes victims. Then after that psychologist has helped them to fully recover from post-traumatic stress disorder, suddenly they have another setback when their home gets broken into a second time. So they contact the psychologist and re-enlist in psychotherapy services, and this time the therapist might advise them to sell their home and move to a safer county or state."

---"Personally, I would imagine that a man is especially devastated by a home-invasion-crime, since it makes him feel completely helpless and emasculated. I haven't seen any gender studies, though, on whether the man or the woman of the house is devastated the most by a home-invasion crime. It could depend on who got physically assaulted the worst during that home-invasion crime. But we shouldn't overlook the trauma that the children in that household suffer from for the rest of their lives. As I'm sure you know, during his childhood professional tennis champion Jimmy Connors and his mother suffered greatly from a home-invasion crime break-in at their home in Belleville, Illinois. Even years later, you could always sense when you watched him during a tennis match that he was still haunted by the perpetrator of that home-invasion crime from Jimmy's childhood. When Jimmy hit the tennis ball super-hard, I'm sure he was sometimes imagining himself punishing the perpetrator. I need to do some research to find out whether that case was ever solved, and if so, how many years of prison time did the perpetrator get sentenced to?"