ANOTHER EAVESDROPPER'S REPORT ON NEW YORK CITY: A SEMI-FICTIONAL LATE SUMMER UPDATE

 

---"I think all those years I spent studying mathematics are primarily devoted in my life of today to counting grams of sugar, milligrams of sodium, and grams of saturated fat in my everyday life. This is the only type of mathematics that seems to matter to me now: Can I keep my totals under my doctor's orders requirements for each day? If I achieve my daily goals, I'm elated; if I fail, it feels like I just fell from the top of the Empire State Building."

--"In my nocturnal dreams every night, I am always counting how many droplets of moisture any given passenger on the subway is subjecting me to at any given moment. That's my idea of a fine mathematics project---during my sleep. And it's always a nightmare for me."

--"There's a tendency to assume that only those who are boorish can infect others with COVID-19. But the shocking news has been that perfectly hygienic ladies and perfectly sanitary gentlemen can still be carriers of our most-dreaded virus since 1918."

---"Do you feel a special affinity for the New Yorkers of 1918? If so, do you think we should enter into a seance session with them in order to commiserate with them?"

---"That would depend on how much I get charged to enter into this seance session. Plus, I would insist on getting a seance specialist who is State licensed. To me, I would assume they're a quack unless the State of New York can certify for me that they have a fully valid Seance Specialist License that will remain valid for the next two-year period."

\--"I would think that the home air-purification services providers are making tons of money out of the COVID-19 crisis. No one wants to be subjected to the tobacco smoke of your neighbors or visitors to your apartment complex. The type of home air purification system I've purchased for my condo unit should increase my chances of surviving the pandemic by virtually eliminating indirect exposure to tobacco fumes during my sleep. Passive smoking increases your chances of dying if you get infected with COVID-19. I am SO GRATEFUL to get my full eight hours of refuge every night from my neighbors, with help from my effective new air-purification system and additional bolt-locks I've installed at every conceivable point of entry inside my condo unit!"

--"I'm surprised I haven't seen a business news item in the Times about all the home-air-purification system companies that are raking in millions of dollars in revenues from the COVID crisis."

--"I feel embarrassed to say this, but I don't even know the name of the leading home-air-purification system manufacturer here in New York. I guess that makes me culturally illiterate---or at least, someone else in our ever-savvy city would call me culturally illiterate. It's humbling being a New Yorker, since you have to keep up with A to Z every day in order to remain fully up-to-date and fully savvy."