SEMI-FICTIONAL NOTES FROM NEW YORK: HAD I BEEN THERE AT THE TIME TO JOT DOWN THESE QUOTABLE COMMENTS I'D OVERHEARD AT PUBLIC PLACES IN MANHATTAN

 

---"I hope Trump isn't suicidal. I hate to think of what his epitaph would say. 'He Fired Himself' is all I can think of."

---"At least we don't have to worry about his eventual tombstone turning into a leading tourist attraction for visitors to New York. Florida or D.C. is more likely to get his tombstone than New York. What a relief to not be attracting the Trump Worshippers to New York anymore!"

--"It makes me sick to think of all the photos the news media will be publicizing all over the world someday that show Trump Followers kissing his tombstone with tears in their eyes."

---"With all the Americans who worship Donald Trump, any day now one of his disciples will found a new religion in his honor that will get lots of news media publicity. That makes me want to puke, but I know it's going to happen. Trump loyalists say he is perfect like Jesus. They cite as evidence the fact that he never wrongs anyone and never makes mistakes. The number of retractions his White House issued was probably the lowest in modern American history. This is their idea of proof for Trump's inerrancy, as his loyalists see it."

---"Oddly enough, I myself don't know of any theme song for Trump that made the top 20 on the popular music charts. Maybe he'll pay a song writer to immortalize himself in the hopes that if enough Americans fall in love with that song and keep playing it the next four years, they'll want to vote for him in the next Presidential campaign."

---"I do worry that at some point, Donald Trump is going to feel very publicly humiliated and globally scorned from all of this, and at that point hopefully the Secret Service will prevent him from doing anything self-destructive. They will probably help to keep his gun cabinet locked at all times."

----"Not being able to vent on Twitter is like a baby trying to survive without a baby bottle. Trump without his Twitter baby bottle is going to be desperate for attention. Maybe his wife will mother him during his recovery from the dramatic plunge in his stature he's had."

---"At least there isn't any campaign to have everyone watch re-runs of the TV show Trump did that was called 'The Apprentice'. Watching re-runs of his show would make me sick and want to puke. I would be careful not to vomit on the premises of Trump Towers, though, since they would probably sue me if I did."

---"I can't imagine what Trump would look like in a striped federal inmate's uniform. He takes pride in being fashionable but gave ZERO thought to the likelihood he'll end up in a federal prison inmate attire from all the felony crimes he's committed."

---"If Trump ever does end up in federal prison, you can be sure that all of his followers will want to visit him and tell him up close how much they love him and how much they despise the ones who persecuted him by putting him there."

--"I need to jot down notes every day of every person I know by name who is not wearing a mask when I see them as I'm walk to the subway station. After this crisis is over, I will send a letter to each of the ones I recognize to explain to them why they have been permanently dropped from my party-invitation list."

--"Are you worried they might commit suicide if you drop anyone from your party-invitation list? You  have a reputation for being one of the very best party hosts in Manhattan. Not being on your party list anymore would be like being banished to Siberia. It would completely devastate them to turn into a social pariah so abruptly here."