A RESTAURANT-INDUSTRY EMPLOYEE'S FOND MEMORIES FROM THE MOST RECENT 15-YEAR PERIOD OF WORKING INSIDE RESTAURANTS IN AUSTIN, TEXAS: A SAMPLING OF THE TYPES OF CANDID DIRECT QUESTIONS AND IMPLICITLY CONVEYED QUESTIONS THAT GUESTS AND COWORKERS AND WORK SUPERVISORS OF MINE HAVE POSED TO ME WHILE I WAS ON DUTY INSIDE THAT RESTAURANT WORKPLACE FOR ME:

COMMENTS TO ME FROM CUSTOMERS:

--Did you make a special trip to Costa Rica to find the coffee beans you used to prepare the cup of coffee you just served me?

--Your delay in bringing me my beverage order comes as no surprise. Aren't all you guys high on drugs, anyway?


---Have you ever thought of portraying in a Hollywood movie an ordinary-looking American with a strong sense of decency? I think you would be very good in that type of role.

---May I mention to you today that you are very kind?

--Would you please not talk into the food when you are delivering my meal to me here inside IHOP Duval?  It's very unsanitary if you make any comment to me while putting the hot dishes on my table without turning your head to the side.

--Are you going to promise me that you will add 10 years to my lifespan if I dine inside your restaurant?

--Did you know that as an Anglo male paying guest inside this IHOP 290 restaurant in north Austin, I am very convinced that China is more benevolent than the United States, and I am hoping for the day when the Chinese Army invades this entire country?

--Do you know how nice it is to hear these words of praise from you today about my teenage son on his birthday, after he as a high-school student waitstaff coworker of yours here at IHOP Duval made a special request that you wait on our table today? Away from here, when our family is inside our home, this teenage son of mine can be a pain in the ass sometimes. As a female state-agency employee in Austin, I am offering you that candid perspective on what this teenage son of mine can be like inside our home.

--Are you "Kevin John" or "John Kevin"? One of your identification nametags here at Luby's Lakeline has stated "Kevin John", and another nametag you also wear while on duty has stated "John Kevin". I find that curious.

--Your nametag that you're wearing here in Luby's Lakeline restaurant states your name as "John Kevin". Is your last name "Kevin"?

--Is that last name of yours, "McMillan", Scottish or English or Irish?

--So which pancake is your personal favorite here at IHOP? There are so many to choose from on the menu, and I would appreciate your thoughts on which you like the best.

--Do you mind if I mention that I personally don't like pancakes? That's why I never order any of the pancakes here in IHOP.

--Did you know that the IHOPs in Florida offer more seafood options on their menu? Personally, I like having those additional seafood options.

--May I mention that I personally like the fact that you as a waiter never stand too close to me when I'm dining inside this IHOP? So many of the waiters here in Austin stand way too close to me and are way too intrusive that way! I like the way you believe in giving your guests some breathing room.

--Do you mind if I point out that you appear to be standing too far away from me? As a paying guest, I can assure you that I don't bite!

--Would you please speak up? You are so soft-spoken as my waiter that I can barely hear you!

--Would you please speak up? I'm nearly deaf myself, so I need you to speak loudly to me at all times while waiting on me.

--May I comment that as a paying guest, I admire the way you wash your hands so frequently, including just after you sneeze! It is very reassuring to me that you protect my health as a customer with your frequent hand-washing!

--Your nametag that you're wearing here in Luby's Lakeline states your name as "Kevin John". Is your last name "John"?

--May I ask you what your last name is?

--Isn't that wonderful that you are a direct descendant of the Rev. William Brewster who served as head chaplain on the Mayflower? You must be very proud of your ancestral heritage that way!

--Do you pray?

--Have you always lived in Texas? From your accent, I am sensing that there are other U.S. states in your background.

--Would you tell me all of the restaurants where you have worked? I'm trying to figure out which of those restaurants in the Austin area is the one where I have seen you before.

--Do you live in this part of town?

--Are you my former Stephen F. Austin High School classmate John McMillan? I'm Robert Kuykendall dining here today, with yourself as my waiter, in the year 2002 inside this Souper Salad restaurant near Highland Mall in north Austin. Do you remember me?

--Do you know that as a former childhood friend of yours, Chris Airth, the only son of a colleague of your father's in the UT-Austin Botany Department,  I as a customer of yours dining today in Souper Salad Braker Lane restaurant in the year 2002 recommend "The New York Times" as a primary information source. If you recall, back in 1988 when I agreed to have lunch with you inside that famous Mexican restaurant along South Lamar Boulevard near the home of my mother, Liz Airth, I mentioned at that time that I recommend the "Texas Observer" as a good source of factual information. My focus in those days was on state government here in Texas. But more recently, as I have become more involved with the international scene as a professional computer programmer, I have shifted my own focus to "The New York Times".


--Are you an Undercover Boss, and you are doing an evaluation of this restaurant from your vantage point as your company's CEO?

--May I comment that I admire your drug-free, alcohol-free, tobacco-free lifestyle as a restaurant employee? I agree with you that that seems to play a major role in your being a very dependable restaurant employee with good continuity with your employers.

--Do you know that if I were your boss, I would give you a raise? Has your manager here offered you a raise? You definitely deserve one!

--Are you one of the owners of this restaurant, and you are stopping by my table because you want to show that you care about your restaurant's guests?

--Why do you work six days per week?

--Do you know that my family sees you outdoors walking along the street quite a bit when we're driving along Research Boulevard?

---We are doing prayers right now at this dining table where you are our on-duty waiter. Is there anything special you yourself are wishing for that we can pray for you on your behalf at this time inside this restaurant?

--Did you know that whenever I dine here, I always feel better about this restaurant from knowing you are here, since you have this aura of decency and kindness about you?

--Do you know that I always think of you as that nice waiter with a smile on his face? Your consistency at smiling is something I always look forward to as a paying guest here.

--May I mention to you that I like the way you are always smiling while on duty here, and you appear to be a very happy and always-cheerful gentleman? As a regular customer here, I greatly admire that about you.

---What makes you so friendly? I find that remarkable about you.

--Are you aware that you are the one employee here who always for me embodies for this entire restaurant a very special quality that I savor?

--Did you know that your being present on duty inside this restaurant in northwest Austin makes my dining experience here a lot more enjoyable?

--Which dessert here do you recommend as your favorite?

--Did you know that whenever I dine inside this IHOP Duval restaurant, I as an Asian Indian female customer here am very glad that you are here?

--Would you please tell me which section you're working in today as a waiter for IHOP? I need that information so I can avoid being seated in your section as a customer here.

--Are you aware that whenever I dine here in this restaurant, I as a customer find it very fatiguing just to watch you doing your job? You are very hard-working!

--Did you know that wherever I dine out here in Austin, it seems like you are right there working inside that restaurant? How many restaurants do you work for?

--Is there any restaurant in Austin that you don't work at? Everyplace I go to dine out, I am seeing you on duty inside that restaurant!

--Would you please tell me the year when your restaurant chain started up?

--Would you please tell me where your restaurant chain is headquartered?

--So IHOP is not headquartered in the Midwest? I find that very surprising, your comment to me that your chain is headquartered in southern California. I always think of pancakes in terms of the Midwest. Thank you for giving me that fascinating information about IHOP.

--So is your Village Inn where you work connected to a hotel? After eating this meal here, I feel like staying overnight in a hotel. But I didn't see any hotel attached to this restaurant.

--Are you going to cart me out of here after my meal? I feel so stuffed that I will need someone to cart me out of here.

--Do you live here, and if so, do you have a sleeping bag you use when you need to get your sleep at nighttime inside this restaurant? Whenever I come here to eat, you are always here!

--Do you know how infuriated I am that when I reached for toilet tissue inside a stall I had just used in your women's restroom inside this Souper Salad restaurant, there was no toilet paper! It was a thoroughly disgusting experience for me! What are you going to do about it?

--Do you know that I always think of you as the Luby's employee who does lots of xeroxing in a northwest Austin office supply store? When I am inside that Kinko's store or FedEx store as a paying customer, I often see you photocopying pages for a letter you plan to mail or FAX to someone! So good luck in your letter-writing projects! I hope they are successful for you!

---Do you ever take a day off from work in order to relax? You seem to be on duty every day of the week here in Austin!

--Do you know that your work ethic impresses me a lot? It's obvious you take your career in restaurants very seriously!

--Did you know that you as a waiter here at IHOP Duval restaurant call to mind for me, an African-American male adult paying customer of yours, a "peculiar institution" or "peculiar circumstances" of some type?

--Do you know why that pie they offer for sale on the line here at Luby's Lakeline cafeteria is called the "Jeff Davis Pie"?

---So what explains your success at NOT being "just another apathetic waiter" here in Austin?

--Did you know that as a regular customer here in this restaurant, I always think of you as being one of the sweetest and nicest and friendliest staff members here?

--So where is your designated section of this restaurant in your role here as an on-duty waiter? You are my 4-year-old daughter's absolute favorite employee inside this IHOP! She always wants to hug you whenever she enters this restaurant, and she is an immigrant from the former Soviet Union whom I adopted. My 4-year-old daughter wants me to always make sure we dine in your section, so she can hug your lower leg again! I will let you know when I feel she taken too much time hugging you.

--So what do you plan to do for a real career after you leave this brief stint for you in restaurants?

--So what did you do in your previous life?

--What did you do for a living before you began working in restaurants?

---Are you originally from the Austin area?

--Why did you leave your career with a state government agency here in Austin?

---Are you from Australia? Your accent sounds very Australian to me.

--Are you sure you're not from New Zealand? I could have sworn I heard a bit of a Kiwi accent in you.

--Did you know that I as a female customer of yours consider you to be very handsome?

---Are you from New York? Your accent identifies you as a New Yorker.

---Are you from the Midwest? You appear to have a Midwestern accent.

--Are you a native Texan?

--Do you mind if I ask you where you were born? I sense that you were not born in Texas, but I'm not sure where.

--Have you ever been married?

---Are you possibly from the Boston area? Your accent sounds Bostonian to me.

---Has your hair color changed since I last dined here?

---What is a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?

--Do you have a lighter on you? I'd like to take a cigarette break outside of this restaurant during my dining experience here.

---Would you be interested in a sideline career selling spirulina as a health-food item? If so, I might have a career opportunity for you, and I will leave my professional calling card with you for that.

---Has anyone ever told you that you strongly resemble Stephen King, the famous author of horror novels?

--Has anyone ever told you that you strongly resemble Barry Manilow, the great singer and song-writer?

--Did you know that you remind me of Tim Conway, a comedian who frequently appeared on the "Carol Burnett Show" on television?

---Have you ever met Muhammad Ali? Well, I myself have, and he has been a longtime personal friend of mine! He was the greatest person I ever met!

--Are you planning to vote for Barack Obama in the general election? I have many reasons why I urge you to vote for him!

---Which region of Mexico are you originally from? I like your Spanish accent and Spanish locution better than your accent and locution when you talk in English.

---Are you aware that your Spanish accent sounds a bit Castilian to me? Have you ever lived in Spain?

---Have you ever been to Spain?

---Have you ever visited Great Britain?

---Have you ever been to Australia?

---Are your parents still living?

---Has anyone ever told you that you strongly resemble former U.S. President George Bush Sr.?

---Are you 70 years old?

---Do you own this place?

---Are you an undercover boss? You look like one.

---Are you doing this just to stay busy during your retirement years?

---Would you please tell me the restaurant my wife and I know you from? You look very familiar, but we can't decide which restaurant was the one where you used to wait on us.

---Would you like to work as a waiter in a fine-dining restaurant? You have the type of polite formal style that makes me think you would do very well in that type of restaurant, so please give me your name and phone number and I will pass that along to a friend of mine who owns a fine-dining establishment.

--Did you know that your mother, Mrs. Phyllis Delores (maiden name Gardner) McMillan, was a favorite person of mine at the First Unitarian Church here in Austin?

--Are you related to the McMillan family who live in Williamson County?

---Are you related to the McMillan family who live in another region of Texas?

---Are you a father yourself?

---Are you planning to celebrate Father's Day with your family after your workshift today?

---Will you be celebrating Christmas with your family after your workshift here today?

--Are you getting paid time and a half to work here on a day when I'm sure you would prefer to be at home celebrating this holiday with your family?

--Did you know that as a customer of yours here, I regard it as sacrilegious that this IHOP restaurant where you are working as a waiter will be open on Christmas Day? As a devout Christian, I believe that all restaurants should be closed on Christmas Day to allow their employees the opportunity to celebrate that religious holiday.

---Will you be getting a chance to celebrate Thanksgiving with your family after your workshift here today?

--Did you know that I sympathize greatly with your plight in having to work on a holiday?

---Do you have any children of your own?

--Did you enjoy being an official and unofficial Big Brother for second-grade male elementary-school students?

---Do you know why the Luby's cafeteria where you worked as a waiter closed down?

---Are you the same person I used to see working as a waiter inside the Luby's cafeteria near Lakeline Mall? My wife says she's sure you used to work at Luby's, and we enjoyed your very attentive style there.

--Do you know that I used to know the founder of Luby's Cafeterias, back when he and I lived in the Dallas area, and I was very good friends with him?

--Did you know that I myself was a major investor in your restaurant corporation back when it started up? 

--Would you tell me about opportunities you offer for me to purchase a franchise location of your restaurant chain? I'm interested in pursuing that.

--Would you please tell me how I can buy stock in your company? I've been dining at Luby's for years and I love Luby's, so it makes good sense for me to buy some stock in your company.

--Do you know that the Pappas brothers have done to Luby's ever since they bought it out? They have completely ruined Luby's, in my very emphatic opinion as a longtime Luby's customer who is dining here today in Luby's Lakeline cafeteria in Austin!

--Are these coffee mugs with the IHOP logo on them available for sale? I would like to purchase this one and take it home with me.

--Do you know that I think you're looking great, and you appear to be doing very well these days?

--Do you know that I truly regard you as a saint?

--Would you please ask the manager to stop by my table? I just saw one of your male coworkers here in IHOP 290 restaurant rub his own nose with his finger while he carried hot food from the kitchen here to my dining table. I was thoroughly disgusted by that health-code violation that endangered my own health, and I want to immediately tell your manager about it!

---Do you miss working at Luby's Cafeteria?

---Did Luby's offer you a position of employment at another Luby's cafeteria when the Luby's Lakeline cafeteria closed down in mid-February 2016?

---Why didn't Luby's offer you a job at another Luby's location in the Austin area?

--Do you miss working at Denny's?

--Do you know whether Denny's is planning to rebuild at the site where your Denny's location was destroyed by fire?

--Are you the one who caused the fire to Denny's Lakeline that closed down that restaurant?

--Would you please tell me the website for Denny's that I should use in urging them to rebuild the Denny's Lakeline store after it was destroyed by fire?

--Would you like to hear my own belief that it would be an exercise in futility for me if I were to write to Luby's headquarters in Houston to protest their corporate decision to sell their Lakeline Mall-area cafeteria? I am sure it was just a pragmatic business decision they made, and for-profit corporations can be very hard-nosed when it comes to financial issues of that type.

--Do you agree with me that Luby's should NOT have sold their restaurant where you had worked to an auto dealership?

--Do you agree with me that Luby's was very foolish to abruptly close that store near Lakeline Mall, when it appeared to me to be a very profitable location there for Luby's?

--Do you realize how many extra miles my wife and I have to drive now just to get to a Luby's restaurant, and how very annoying that can be to drive those extra miles whenever we want to dine at Luby's?

---Are you aware that to our family, this IHOP 620 chain restaurant where we are dining these days and where you are working these days, is lacking in the type of charm and flavorful dishes that your Denny's Lakeline restaurant used to offer our family before that location closed?

---Didn't you previously work for a Shoney's restaurant? I am very sure I saw you working there.

---Did you previously work for a McDonald's restaurant? I'm nearly sure I saw you working inside a McDonald's.

---Haven't  I seen you working as an employee for an H.E.B. supermarket? 

--Do you live near the Arboretum? I have seen you walking outside near Duval and Research Boulevard, and I almost offered you a ride since it was very hot outside and I know you from Luby's.

---Was that you I saw the other day waiting for a bus near Braker Lane and Research Boulevard?

---Did you previously work inside a Denny's restaurant? You look awfully familiar.

---Did you previously work at an IHOP restaurant? My son says he remembers you from IHOP, and he never forgets a face.

---Did you know that I used to be a football star for the Baytown Lee High School varsity football team in Baytown, Texas? It's great to learn from you today here inside Luby's Lakeline cafeteria that you used to be a full-time sports reporter for the "Baytown Sun" daily newspaper, and that you were assigned to cover the Baytown Lee High School Ganders varsity football team under Head Coach Dick Olin.

--Have you ever been back to Baytown for a visit after you left the "Baytown Sun" daily newspaper reporting staff?

---Do you know what caused the fire that closed down the Denny's restaurant where you worked?

--Were you working inside the Denny's near Lakeline Mall at the time when that tragic fire there suddenly broke out?

--Are you aware of how very lucky you were to have NOT been injured by the fire that destroyed your Denny's restaurant near Lakeline Mall?

---Was it just mild smoke inhalation that you yourself sustained from that Denny's fire, and if so, may I count your blessings for you that it wasn't worse?

--Was anyone injured in the fire at Denny's Lakeline?

--Are you putting a hex on the restaurants where you work? I ask this because it seems like everyplace where you have worked, the restaurant either closes down or is destroyed by fire.

--My wife and I remember you from Village Inn in Cedar Park. Were you still working there when they closed down?

--My wife and I miss the New Mexican-style hot peppers and tasty dishes you guys used to offer us at Village Inn. What was your favorite dish at Village Inn?

--Have you ever had a relationship with Jesus Christ?

--Are you a Christian yourself?

--Do you mind if I ask you to cite the religious denomination you're a member of?

--I have never heard of your one-member "Progressive Prohibitionist Religion" denomination before. Would you please tell me whether it is a Christian group?

--Are you a member of a church here in the Austin area?

--Do you have a major back problem? As a customer of yours today inside IHOP Duval, I notice from the stiffness you reveal in the way you stand or bend that you appear to have undergone back surgery.

--Are you aware that you as our waiter today are treating myself and my young son like royalty, and we very emphatically DO NOT want to be treated like royalty inside this IHOP?

--Did you know that my children grew up with you, since they remember you from the days they were very young and you waited on our family at the Luby's Cafeteria near Lakeline Mall?

--Did Luby's give you adequate notice before they closed down the cafeteria where you were working as a member of the waitstaff?

--Did Denny's financially compensate you for the abrupt closing of your restaurant when it was destroyed by fire?

--Did Denny's offer to transfer you to another Denny's location after your restaurant was destroyed by fire?

--Did Luby's corporate offer to transfer you to another location after Luby's Lakeline was abruptly closed down in northwest Austin?

--Did Luby's ever give you any reason for why they closed down the cafeteria in northwest Austin where you were working?

--Were you there on the final day of the Luby's Lakeline cafeteria just before it closed down permanently?

--Since you have a Master's Degree in journalism, why haven't you found a journalism job here in Austin?

--So why didn't the "Austin American-Statesman" newspaper offer you a job?

--Did you hire an attorney to sue the "Austin American-Statesman" after their editor, Rich Oppel, sent you a signed letter on Statesman stationery, stating that because you have founded a new religion of your own, you have lost any credibility as an objective reporter and for that cited reason he refuses to even consider you for any reporting job at the Statesman?

--Did you previously serve in the military? I say that because you appear to have had military training from the way you conduct yourself while on duty for IHOP. It's a special style that people with military training often have, and I admire that in a restaurant employee such as yourself.

--Are you a retired military officer?

--Our 8-year-old son says he likes you so much he would like to take you home with us. Isn't that something?

--Would you like to take my son or daughter home with you? I have more kids than I can take care of, so I'll let you adopt the ones I can't handle.

--Do you have kids of your own?

--Would you tell your general manager, Jed Cecil, that I am here in the lobby of IHOP 290 today because Jed never returned my 8-year-old son's scarf, and I as the mother want it back immediately!

---Do you have any relatives in the Austin area who keep up with you?

---Would you please tell me which Luby's in the Austin area is an all-you-can-eat restaurant? My family loves all-you-can-eat restaurants, and we need to find the Luby's that is all-you-can-eat.

--Is this an all-you-can-eat deal here at Luby's Lakeline?

COMMENTS TO ME FROM COWORKERS OF MINE INSIDE OUR RESTAURANT WORKPLACE:

--Why don't you appreciate all that I do for you as a friendly Hispanic male waiter coworker of yours here at Denny's Lakeline restaurant? I GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR BEING VERY HONEST, AND I EVEN SPOKE TO THE AUSTIN POLICE ABOUT YOU VERY RECENTLY! SO I DID ALL I COULD TO HELP YOU OUT IN YOUR CRIME CASE IN WHICH NO SUSPECT ACCUSED OF ALLEGEDLY VICTIMIZING YOU HAS BEEN ARRESTED SO FAR! I AM VERY HOPEFUL THAT THE INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR SITUATION THAT I SHARED WITH APD WILL HELP TO SOLVE THAT CRIME CASE IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE!

--May I politely emphasize to you today, as an Anglo male server coworker of yours on duty with you today inside Souper Salad Lakeline restaurant, I am not the least bit bothered by ANY critical or negative thought you might ever have inside your own head in regard to  any of the persons subjecting you to anonymous communications against your wishes, including here in this workplace? I could care less about anyone who would subject you to those kinds of anonymous communications against your wishes!

--Did you know, John, that from what I have observed as a law-abiding female resident of Cedar Park in Williamson County, it would not surprise me in the least if possible corruption by the Austin Police Department might explain why they haven't arrested any suspect yet in the alleged continuous-rape-crimes case in which you are the cited victim --- a crime case that you have complained about to me repeatedly during workshifts for each of us over a multi-year period here at Denny's Lakeline, including in 2012?

--Did you know, John, that one of the infrared spy-camera photos you e-mailed to me of an alleged intruder inside your private bedroom of your bolt-locked apartment unit in Austin had an image of a male possible suspect who looked especially horrifying to me? I mention this as a law-abiding and law-enforcement-minded female waitstaff coworker of yours who myself has been a personal friend of someone who worked for the Williamson County District Attorney's Office in Georgetown.

--Did you know that after midnight one morning in the last several days inside this Denny's franchise-owned restaurant in Williamson County, some guy entered our restaurant and then approached one of our staff members to ask if they would like to purchase some marijuana from him? As a female high-school student coworker of yours working with you today inside this restaurant, I thought you should know about that incident.

--Were you aware that many of the biggest tips you have received from your paying customers here at IHOP Duval restaurant are, in fact, sympathy tips from those guests of yours?

---Did you hear that a male customer dining here tonight in IHOP Duval restaurant was asked by his server what he would like for dessert, and he replied, "I would like your Hispanic male busboy for dessert!"


--Did you dye your hair?

--Why do you even think about wearing a Halloween costume as a waiter here at IHOP Duval on Halloween? You are SCARY ENOUGH AS YOU ARE!

--So why are you always covering your glass of iced tea with your hand whenever you walk from the waitstation here at Denny's Lakeline to the employee break room table? Are you afraid that one of your coworkers here will somehow contaminate your beverage when we happen to walk near you?

--So why are you at Luby's? You're way too straight for Luby's! Myself, for instance, I landed a job here at Luby's Lakeline after I got in trouble with the law. Many of the employees here had a similar background in that way.

---Did you know, John, that I, a new male waitstaff coworker of yours, transferred to this Luby's Lakeline cafeteria in Austin after working at a Luby's corporate-owned cafeteria in Harlingen, Texas? My best friend in Harlingen was the general manager at that Harlingen Luby's ("Mark Eriksmoen" having been his apparent name). Then suddenly I learned in 2011 that he had committed suicide. As his best friend at the time, that very tragic news came as a complete shock to me, Rey de los Santos, an honorable Filipino-American gentleman and married man. It was a very distressing period for me. Months later, I did eventually conclude that it would be best for myself and my family if we relocated to the Austin area, and that is why I have joined the waitstaff here at Luby's Lakeline.

--Did you know that in the IHOPs of Delaware, the state where I came from, the service is so bad that it's like going to a serve-yourself restaurant?

--Did you know that one of my favorite stories to tell as an IHOP 620 waitress is that I got arrested by the police the same day I graduated from high school? It's actually a funny story.

--Have you also noticed that our self-identified gay male coworker Robby has this habit toward the end of his workshifts here at IHOP Duval of asking male customers Robby has never met before to give Robby a ride home?

--Have you also directly observed with your own eyes that our IHOP Duval male waitstaff coworker Robby often hitchhikes right along Highway 183 after he has left the restaurant for the night? Not only is it illegal to hittchhike along that expressway, but Robby's hitchhiking is very risky!

--Did you know that your gay male IHOP Duval coworker Robby recently left his job here and moved to San Francisco?

--Were you aware that your comment to me this workshift that you think I resemble the Italian-American actress Annette Funicello during her younger days, is quite an insult to me? As a Hispanic female coworker of yours here at Denny's Lakeline, I think the photo you just showed me of Annette Funicello back in the 1950s or 1960s, makes her look ugly.

--So why do you have this anti-marijuana outlook, when as a Hispanic male high school student restaurant coworker of yours living in a small town in Williamson County, I'm very sure that marijuana is good for you!

---Are you aware that I MIGHT have invited you to a party I'm hosting, if it weren't for the fact that you are TOO STRAIGHT FOR ME AND MY FRIENDS?

--Did you know that the very first day you began working here inside this chain restaurant, I thought you were an Undercover Boss?

----Did you sustain a major trauma of some type that explains the way you are today? As a self-identified gay male coworker of yours here at IHOP 290 who is myself named Kevin, I often get the impression that you have been paralyzed by something that happened to you in your past, and it's not clear to me what that was.

--Are you a spy for Dennys?

---Are you a spy for IHOP?

--Are you a spy for the CIA?

--Do you know how much anxiety I have experienced while waiting on that party of Austin Police Department officers dining here this evening in IHOP Duval? As a server here and male coworker of yours who has very recently been a high school student, I directly stated to the APD officers that I found them to be VERY INTIMIDATING! I felt very nervous and full of trepidation about waiting on those officers in uniform!

---Do you know what I, as an African-American female waitress coworker of yours inside IHOP Duval, would do if President George W. Bush were to walk into this franchise-owned restaurant as a customer? I would spit at him with rage on my face!

---Did you know that as a male high school student coworker of yours inside this IHOP restaurant in Austin, the salt I poured into a beverage I served a few minutes ago to a friend of mine at his dining table here was my way of getting back at him for a prank he recently pulled on me? It was very satisfying revenge!

--Can anyone substitute for me as a waitperson for this lady seated at a dining table very close to our open-air waitstation here at IHOP Duval? She stated to me that she believes I look sick, so she asked for another server to wait on her. As a pregnant woman on duty as a server here, I have had some customers who don't show confidence in me. I find that demoralizing. They apparently sense that I don't have health insurance, so I can't  afford to get the medical care I need during my pregnancy.

---The overseas trip I very recently made alone to Japan after raising all the money for that plane flight on my own here as a waiter in IHOP Duval, was a thrilling experience for me. I was delighted by the ladies of Japan. As a 16-year-old high school student enrolled at Anderson High School, it did cross my mind that some of the ladies I dated in Tokyo during my trip might have involved me in statutory rape. But no one got arrested, and I had quite a fun adventure in Japan!

---Did you know that my favorite romantic fantasy, as a 16-year-old male high school student coworker of yours here at IHOP Duval, is to see a group of Japanese women who are each wearing a bikini and who are all standing together in front of me?

--Did you know that I regard myself as Jail Bait? As an attractive female high school student waitress coworker of yours here at IHOP Duval, I'm tantalizing to many of the adult men inside this restaurant!

---Did you now that one of our Hispanic male cooks here at IHOP Duval is not able to make the monthly rent on his apartment, because he has developed an addiction to frequenting titty bars here in Austin during his leisuretime? It's very sad, and very costly to that Hispanic male adult employee!

---Do you know what I as an adult Anglo male waitstaff coworker of yours here at IHOP Duval like to do with my male waiter friends during our leisuretime? We head for a restaurant in the Austin area and then proceed to do everything we can to torture and abuse and harass our female waitress throughout our entire dining experience there. For instance, we deliberately bombard her with numerous special requests that keep her super-busy at all times! Then, at the very end, we tip her really well in order to make up for the hell we put her through. I would have to rank those leisuretime group outings with other male waiter friends of mine as one of my favorite pastimes here in Austin. It's loads of fun!

--Have you ever been to Dick's restaurant in San Antonio? As a waitstaff coworker of yours here in IHOP Duval restaurant, I am curious to find out whether you have. The waiters there are all paid to verbally abuse customers throughout the customers' visit in that restaurant. Then customers are expected to tip the waiter well for having been repeatedly  nasty and cruel to them! It's a lot of fun to dine there, if you don't mind having insults and epithets hurled at you by your waiter!

--Do you secretly work for the FBI, and are taking secret notes on all of us for that federal law-enforcement agency?

--Are you aware that you come across as someone who is not a good person, since you are always submitting snitch reports about your coworkers to the managers here at IHOP 620 restaurant? 

--Why don't you simply accept my opinion as a female coworker of yours that if a grown woman dining here with her very young child inside this IHOP restaurant hears me as a waitress verbalizing the F-word a matter of feet from her table, that grown woman as a mature adult will NOT be at all fazed by it?

--Why are you worried about the frequent spectacle that the 4-year-old girl who hugs your lower leg for 60 consecutive seconds is making here at  IHOP Duval? It may look strange or funny to some of the customers here, but your own involvement with that little girl is only occurring inside this workplace during your working hours.  I am sure that no one suspects you of having an improper relationship with that 4-year-old girl away from this workplace.

---Do you mind if I as your Hispanic female teenage coworker here in IHOP 290 call you "Grandpa"? My Hispanic grandfather died young, which deprived me of a Grandfather at an early age.

--Did you know that that particular adult waiter here at IHOP Duval is very nice about purchasing cigarettes for me, since they know I'm not old enough to legally purchase cigarettes myself? It's wonderful what some of the adult waiters here will do for us high school student coworkers!

--So what is your own "word of the day" for me today here at IHOP 290? As you know, John, my own "word of the day" is always the word "fabulous"? How about yourself? What is your favorite motivational word today at the start of this waitering workshift for each of us?

--Were you aware that the pleasant-sounding "German" accent you have identified in me as a male waiter coworker of yours here at IHOP Duval restaurant, is actually an Irish accent? I'm of Irish ancestry. But it's flattering that you like my accent. I appreciate your also mentioning to me that you yourself previously lived in a German-American town in Minnesota where you were very accustomed to hearing German accents every day of the year. And thank you for stating to me that you yourself have never heard an Irish accent before that sounded as pleasant as my own is.

---Did you know that as a politely candid male coworker of yours at Luby's Lakeline restaurant, I myself, Alex, believe that there might be an alleged "corporate" source of some type to the alleged violations of your own privacy rights inside your current apartment unit that you have complained about to me during working hours for each of us inside this particular restaurant?

--Did you know that before I joined the staff here as a waiter at this IHOP location near Duval Road in Austin, I used to be a drug dealer in California?

--Did you know that I as a waiter coworker of yours just received a $112 cash tip from a male customer of mine dining alone here in IHOP Duval, who told me that he found me to be very "funny" and "entertaining", and a bit like Johnny Carson, he apparently indicated?

--Are you aware that while I personally regard you as being intelligent, many people here regard you as being stupid and very naive, and this is why some people look upon you as being the "Perfect Victim"?

--Do you live alone?

--Are you hearing voices today inside our Souper Salad Lakeline corporate-owned restaurant workplace? As a Williamson County resident and friendly male waitstaff coworker of yours, Tommy Gibbs, I was just reminded to pose that question to you today that just popped into my head based on what I have myself observed during this workshift.

--Are you going to NARC on us, since you used to work full-time for law-enforcement agencies and you may be doing secret reports on us for the Attorney General of  Texas?

--Have you tried calling 1-800-DIANE-HAMPTON? She's the Luby's corporate HR Department official in Houston we all expect you to call whenever you see anything you want to complain about here at Luby's Lakeline!


--Why do you abuse your female coworkers with the frequent snitch reports you give to the managers here at Denny's Lakeline? To me, as an Hispanic true gentleman coworker of yours here, I find it completely UNACCEPTABLE that you would ever snitch on a lady, since that is something a true gentleman would NEVER do under any circumstances!


--Kevin John, why aren't you calling our HR Department hotline number this very second to report on me after what you just saw me do during working hours inside our Luby's cafeteria workplace in northwest Austin?

--Did you see that incident, Kevin John or John? So hurry and report that to your manager ASAP, to keep your snitch reputation here fully up-to-date inside this restaurant!


--WHY do you snitch on me when I sneeze without then washing my hands while on duty inside this restaurant? Don't you know that I am sneezing INTO MY SLEEVE, so no germs are spread and there's no need for me to wash my hands?

--Did you hear that an Anglo female waitstaff coworker of ours at this Denny's Lakeline restaurant has been arrested after she allegedly murdered her boyfriend who also worked at this location?

--Did you hear that a very nice female Anderson High School student bilingual coworker of ours at this IHOP Duval restaurant was reportedly murdered earlier this week, and the Hispanic male suspect who got arrested by APD is himself a former waitstaff coworker of all of us at this very same location in northwest Austin?

--Did you know that you have lost all of your Hispanic friends, John, because of your numerous snitch reports here at Denny's Lakeline chain restaurant in Williamson County?

--Have you tried asking one particular Hispanic male coworker of yours I know of in this restaurant workplace about the alleged continuous rape-crimes victimizing you during your sleep every night inside your bolt-locked apartment unit at Wind River Crossing Apartments? I am very sure that that particular male coworker of yours knows about the crime case you have complained about to me.

--Do you know that one my favorite words of wisdom I like to quote to my customers here in IHOP Duval, where I'm a male longtime server, is that 70 percent of the aging process occurs when you are sleeping? I offer this as a way of explaining to my guests why I lead a life as a server and married gentleman in which I almost never get any sleep.

--Did I tell you that as a server here at Denny's Lakeline, I once had a country-western singer as one of my paying guests? It was a huge thrill for me, and she tipped very well.

--Do you know why they often tip better here when they are drunk? In many cases, guests are more generous when they're drunk, plus they may be wanting to impress their female dating partner who is dining with them that night. They want to demonstrate to her that they are generous!

--Did you know that IHOP restaurants are like a drunk tank for many Austinites? They head to a nightclub to get drunk, then they head to an IHOP to sober up! Just think of all the motorists who drive more safely after drinking coffee here in IHOP!

---Are you aware that that as of this time in the year 2015, you probably won't have any need to photo-document evidence of an alleged illegal intruder inside your locked bedroom of your bolt-locked apartment unit at Wind River Crossing Apartments, since someone else may provide you with that photographic documentation without any effort on your part. I am offering you that factual information as an honest female coworker of yours inside a restaurant near Lakeline Mall.

---Did you know that as an Anglo male waiter coworker of yours I am in the process of having a burglary of a building conviction removed from my criminal record, which will then give me the opportunity to qualify for employment as a firefighter for the Austin Fire Department?

--Did you know that I, Eddie, a Hispanic male waiter coworker of yours at IHOP 290 and a former resident of El Paso, Texas, regard you as being a hater of others?


--Are you still being violated during your sleep on a daily basis inside your locked private bedroom of your apartment unit at Wind River Crossing Apartments? As a Hispanic female-identified coworker of yours inside this corporate-owned restaurant near the Arboretum, I have decided to pose that question to you on my own initiative during a workshift for each of us.

--Why do you even think of any hypothetical scenario in which your Denny's Lakeline Hispanic male coworker from Mexico, a gentleman who resides in the same apartment complex as your own, might ever be an alleged possible suspect in the alleged home-invasion-crimes-and-alleged-continuous rape-crimes case you have complained to me about during working hours for each of us inside this restaurant? That true gentleman from Mexico is such a very nice gentleman that he wouldn't even harm a fly! You should be ashamed of yourself for having any doubts about him, as we discuss this in the employee break room and dishwash room area of Denny's Lakeline restaurant workplace.

---Do you think it's my Hispanic dad employed in the kitchen here at Luby's Lakeline who's allegedly the one who did it to you during your sleep inside your locked apartment at Wind River Crossing Apartments? As a male teenage waitstaff coworker of yours here at Luby's, your comments to me about the crime case you have complained about to coworkers here have immediately prompted that question from me, even though you yourself have never stated to me at any time that you regard my father as a possible suspect in any context.

---Do any of your relatives live in the Austin area?

--Were you aware that one of your pretty blonde female waitress coworkers here at IHOP Duval has had to file criminal charges through the Austin Police Department, since one male customer of hers has been stalking her so extensively that when she attempts to simply leave this restaurant at the end of her evening shift in order to drive home, that male stalker has been repeatedly waiting for her inside his car in the parking lot and attempting to pursue her from there!

--Are you aware that because I myself as a Korean-American high school student coworker of yours at IHOP Duval restaurant strongly oppose court-ordered capital punishment under any circumstances, for that primary reason I cannot possibly ever be a personal friend of yours? You have stated to me today that you yourself, coworker John McMillan, support a lawful revision of state law in Texas that authorizes court-ordered capital punishment of anyone convicted of either attempted homicide or homicide, and your views on that subject are very dismaying to me as we discuss this issue together in the open-air waitstation of IHOP Duval restaurant at a time when each of us are on duty as waiters this evening.

---Did you know that that very nice Hispanic male waitstaff coworker of ours who was previously from the Denver area of Colorado recently got fired here at IHOP 290 after he was caught stealing either whipped cream cans or large plastic jugs of syrup, one of the two, from our walk-in refrigerator and then selling them on the black market outside of this restaurant in order to finance his cocaine addiction?

--Did you hear that Veronica, the Hispanic female former general manager of IHOP 290, reportedly died of a heart attack shortly after she left IHOP 290?

--Did you know that the IHOP 290 where we are each working as waiters is in a neighorhood where prostitution and illicit-drug-trafficking are widespread?

--Aren't you amazed that our Hispanic male general manager, Rudy Woolf, did not show up for work today here at Souper Salad Lakeline restaurant, and he did not call in sick, either? That is quite a shock, that Rudy would leave here so abruptly like that! He did not even submit a letter of resignation! He just left without telling anyone about it!

--May I offer you my very candid opinion as a female waitstaff coworker of yours here at IHOP 290 that our male general manager here is very keen on young children---perhaps overly so? I giggle a bit as I make this comment to you, John, since I know how our general manager is around young children.

---Did you know that I enjoy working as a server for IHOP partly because I as a single adult gentleman have this very, very strong affinity for child culture? I thrill to children's games, children's way of saying things, the favorite foods of children, the entire gamut. I identify with children a lot better than I identify with adults.

--Did you know that Nina, our pregnant Anglo female assistant manager here at Luby's Lakeline cafeteria near Lakeline Mall, during a recent workshift here slipped on a glove that some kitchen staff member had somehow tossed onto the floor of the kitchen, and Nina began to fall? It would have been a complete disaster, except for the fact that one very attentive Hispanic male kitchen staff employee caught Nina as she fell, and was able to prevent any injury to our pregnant assistant manager! As for whether an incident report on that near-disastrous-accident for Nina was promptly made and then promptly submitted to our corporate HR department in Houston, I don't recall anything like that.

--May I offer you the advice as an assigned trainer of yours and successful male waiter here at IHOP Duval restaurant that if a party you are waiting on here is rude to you or has a history of not tipping well, you as a new waiter here can respond to that by giving them bad service?

--May I mention to you today that I, waitstaff coworker Brian here inside Souper Salad Lakeline restaurant, pledge to you today that I will be a lifelong friend of yours? As for your follow-up question about whether I support the best of medical health and a full and creatively vital natural medical lifespan for you, I wouldn't go that far with it. I might add that when I seconds ago made my lifelong-friend pledge to you, I made that pledge despite the fact that you obviously do not recall having ever had any interactions with me away from this workplace.

---Do you know that I, Robby, a self-identified gay male waitstaff coworker of yours here in IHOP Duval restaurant, will be a friend of yours to the very end, even though you have never yourself ever interacted with me on any occasion away from this workplace and you don't have my own personal phone number and you have not given me your own personal phone number or your own home address at any time?

--Did you know that as a single male server here at Souper Salad Lakeline, I habitually party all night until 5 a.m. and then find a way to get to work on time in order to clock in as a server here?

--Did you know that one of the successful female servers I used to work with will head straight for a bar right after each workshift, and she spends a huge share of her tip money on alcoholic beverages!

--When I travel to Europe for a vacation someday, why should I spend any time in London or Edinburgh? As a friendly Scottish-American Anglo male server coworker of yours here at Souper Salad Lakeline, Tommy Gibbs from Williamson County, my entire focus throughout my vacation in Europe will be on heading straight for the red-light districts in hubs of hedonism such as Amsterdam. That would save me a lot of time and effort as I hook up with numerous single ladies in Europe. I like knowing in advance that when I pursue hookers as a paying tourist, I won't have to waste any time with conversation. We'll get right to the point --- real fast! The other way, of attempting to strike up a conversation with a single woman in Edinburgh, for instance, would take forever before we would ever be in bed together!

--Why do you assume that I like New York based on my having a New York accent? As a female coworker of yours here in Souper Salad Lakeline restaurant, I am most recently from Florida. I still like Florida, but I could care less if all of New York went up in flames!

--Did you know that one of the biggest challenges I ever face as a waiter here inside our IHOP restaurant workplace occurs whenever I observe a male paying guest here flirting with my girlfriend, a female waitress coworker of mine? I feel like punching that male guest in the face, but I realize that would be bad for business. We emphasize hospitality here at IHOP. So the other day I politely approached that party and politely stated to the male guest that the waitress is already taken. That seemed to put a stop to it very quickly, and without any bloodshed.

---John, did you know that your very recent decision to accept a job offer at a Denny's chain restaurant makes you a traitor to your current coworkers here at IHOP? As a friendly female waitress coworker of yours here at IHOP 290 franchise-owned chain restaurant in north Austin, I feel a need to share with you this very candid evaluation of what your decision to work for Denny's means to me. I am very disappointed by your decision to work for our arch-rival.


COMMENTS TO ME FROM WORK SUPERVISORS OF MINE INSIDE MY RESTAURANT WORKPLACE:

--Are you aware that one of our regular customers here, a middle-aged female guest inside this particular IHOP 290 restaurant, has told myself, general manager Jed Cecil, many times that she is very sure you yourself as one of my waiters here are a serial killer?

--Are you aware that the female regular customer here at IHOP 290 who's very sure you're a serial killer has also told me, your general manager Jed Cecil, that you have an eerie intensity to you that serial killers tend to have?

--Did you hear that your Souper Salad Lakeline friendly male server coworker Tommy Gibbs got arrested during his leisuretime, and he's in Williamson County Jail?

--Do you know that your Anglo male Souper Salad Lakeline server coworker Tommy Gibbs is still in Williamson County Jail?

--Would you like to write to that friendly Hispanic male waitstaff coworker of yours here at IHOP during this multi-week period in which he's in jail for an alleged violation of the terms of his parole? If so, a current mailing address for him has been posted on the wall near the general manager's office here at IHOP 620. I am sure that he would appreciate hearing from you.

--Are you aware that from what I have observed as your general manager at IHOP 620, women and gay men hate working with you and cannot work with you, since they say you are very insensitive toward women and gay men?

--Did you know that when I as General Manager Gabriel Rodriguez here at Luby's Lakeline sent an e-mail to our Luby's HR department about your requesting an approved medical leave of absence for yourself, the female HR Department official in Houston who wrote me back stated only, "Thank you" in her e-mail reply note to me? As your general manager, Gabriel Rodriguez, I thought that two-word reply was a bit odd.

--Are you aware that many of your coworkers here at Luby's Lakeline corporate-owned cafeteria despise you, because of your numerous snitch reports to our management team, including myself, general manager Gabriel Rodriguez?

--Why do you EVER contact the Luby's HR department in Houston? Every time you do that, you are only burdening everyone at Luby's with lots of unnecessary paperwork, and it's all a massive waste of time for the entire management team here at Luby's Lakeline, including myself as your general manager, Gabriel Rodriguez, and our corporate HR department staff!

--If you EVER AGAIN contact our Luby's HR department in Houston about ANYTHING whatsoever, I as your male Hispanic general manager Gabriel Rodriguez will personally terminate you from our waitstaff here at Luby's Lakeline in Austin!

--Are you aware that ANYTIME you contact our Luby's HR department in Houston and submit a report to them of any type, you ALWAYS get me, your Hispanic male general manager, Gabriel (Gabe) Rodriguez, in trouble with Luby's corporate officials and our district manager?

---Are you aware that the off-duty report you filed with our ACG corporate headquarters in the Dallas area about the iced tea here at IHOP Duval restaurant tasting consistently very foul and undrinkable over a multi-month period, has cost me, Joe Cantu, as your friendly Hispanic male general manager here at IHOP Duval, my Christmas bonus check for this holiday season? I was expecting that Christmas bonus, and this has been a huge disappointment for me!

--So why do you feel a need for any CAT scans or ultrasound scans medical testing on yourself during this period in which you are working at Luby's Lakeline, if you feel fine and are able to do your job as a member of our waitstaff? As your Hispanic male general manager here, Gabriel Rodriguez, I am very sure you have NO NEED for any additional medical testing, and besides which it takes away from your ability to work all of your scheduled hours here.

--May I mention to you, John, that our corporate headquarters in Houston has prohibited me, Luby's Lakeline General Manager Gabriel Rodriguez, from talking any further with you about your cited alleged continuous home-security problem inside your rental apartment unit at Wind River Crossing Apartments in Northwest Austin?


--As a male manager in training supervising you at IHOP Duval restaurant, Aaron, I am asking you if you would like to visit the home of a 16-year-old Anderson High School student male waitstaff coworker of yours this weekend? 
His mother will be out of town this weekend, and I have been told that that particular high school student coworker of yours here at IHOP Duval just received a huge shipment of marijuana from southeast Asia! It should be a lot of fun for you!

--As your top work supervisor inside this corporate-owned restaurant, Jason Pastrano, I want to ask you if you have tried purchasing a very affordable infrared motion-sensitive hunter's camera at Academy store near our restaurant, and then installing that camera sometime in late 2011 inside your private bedroom of your Wind River Crossing apartment unit in order to obtain the factual documentation about an alleged illegal intruder that you need for the APD?

--Have you tried sharing with the Austin Police Department this spy-camera photo of yours obtained from your locked private bedroom in 2011 that I'm examining today inside the Luby's Lakeline manager's office? That photo is especially promising for you as crime evidence, since the white man caught on camera has an apparent tattoo on his very muscular arm, and you don't have any tattoos anywhere on your own body. I, Jerry Moore, an Anglo male assistant manager here at Luby's Lakeline, am offering you this advice based on my previous professional experience as a full-time crime investigator for the Harris County Sheriff's Office in Houston.

--Has that security-related problem for you inside your apartment unit at Wind River Crossing gone away yet? As a former Harris County Sheriff's Office crime investigator and current Assistant Manager here at Luby's Lakeline, I myself, Jerry Moore, current resident of a medium-sized town in Williamson County, Texas, would appreciate an update oral report from you today during your workshift here as I stand near or inside the general manager's office here at Luby's store 131 in Austin.

---May I assure you that as a native of Germany who is also a female assistant manager here at Denny's Lakeline, I, Manuela, very emphatically oppose any situation in which you would ever be victimized by alleged sex crimes and alleged personal injury crimes inside your locked apartment unit in Austin?

---May I emphasize to you, John, as your Hispanic male general manager Gabriel Rodriguez here at Luby's Lakeline cafeteria, that I recommend that during your leisuretime you NEVER accept a ride from any of your Luby's customers here? A Luby's customer who stops his car near where you are walking along the sidewalk in northwest Austin and then offers you a ride, could be a psychopath seeking to harm you, for all I know! No matter how trustworthy and polite they may seem when they greet you from their motor vehicle, do not accept a ride from them!

--Are you aware that before I, Jed Cecil, became general manager for this particular IHOP 290 location here in Austin, I previously worked at a nightclub in New Jersey that was run by the Mafia?

--Did you know that my best friend in New Jersey was a Mafia hit man? I love recalling that noteworthy fact from my own life, because he was the one who saved my life when a Mafia thug from a rival Mafia group entered the nightclub where I was working. As a teenage staff member in the nightclub at the time, I did as I'd been instructed by pressing a button to discreetly inform our nightclub security about that threat to our nightclub. Minutes later, the visitor from a rival Mafia group was taken away in a gunnysack and was never heard from again! As your general manager here at IHOP 290, Jed Cecil, I always enjoy telling that story to my employees here!

--Why do you continue to give me these very trivial reports about the men's restroom here at IHOP 290 being substandard and in need of attention, when I have already told you that as your general manager here, Jed Cecil, I DO NOT WANT ANY REPORTS FROM YOU OF ANY TYPE--- UNLESS YOU FIND A DEAD BODY SOMEWHERE ON OUR PROPERTY! AND IF YOU FIND A DEAD BODY, JUST CALL 911 YOURSELF AND DIRECTLY REPORT THAT YOURSELF TO APD! SO NO MORE REPORTS TO ME FROM YOU, IS THAT CLEAR?

--Are you aware that the only reason you got this waitering job at IHOP 290 is because I am the ONLY IHOP general manager in the ENTIRE AUSTIN AREA who was willing to work with you, and our district manager, Jason Kein, literally had to beg me repeatedly before I reluctantly agreed to let you work here!

--Are you aware that if you ever again contact our IHOP district manager about ANYTHING, you are at risk of being terminated from the staff here at IHOP 290? District Manager Jason Kein has made it very clear that he considers you to be a looney tunes type, and a nut, and he DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU EVER AGAIN!

--Is it perfectly clear to you as one of my employees here at IHOP 290 in north central Austin that you are also strictly forbidden by me, General Manager Jed Cecil, from EVER YOURSELF EVER AT ANY TIME CONTACTING OUR ACG FRANCHISE'S HR DEPARTMENT IN THE DALLAS AREA UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES? 

--As your white male general manager here at IHOP Duval restaurant, Mr. Cruse (sp? Cruz?), I am politely asking you in your role as a newly-hired waitstaff employee of mine if you would PLEASE refrain from ever again contacting the IHOP corporate headquarters in Glendale, California, about our restaurant where you are currently working as a waiter?
We are a FRANCHISE restaurant, so the IHOP corporate headquarters is ALWAYS the wrong place to contact about us. IHOP corporate in California DOES NOT want to receive ANY reports from you, since they don't supervise us. The ones who supervise us are our franchise officials in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. I should add that I DO appreciate your interest in our restaurant. It's just a matter of protocol about where the proper place is for you to submit reports during your off-duty time.

--Do you know that I myself, Israel Rios, as a Hispanic male assistant manager supervising you at Luby's Lakeline cafeteria who is myself living in a small town in Williamson County, am very sure that you are being victimized by ORGANIZED CRIME (exact quote) during your sleeping hours inside your locked apartment unit at Wind River Crossing Apartments?

--Did you hear that the very talented young Anglo man who worked with you at Souper Salad Braker Lane restaurant was killed the other day in an automobile accident? Would you like to accompany me to a memorial service for that very fine gentleman who had a great future ahead of him? The service will take place inside a Catholic Church here in Cedar Park, and I, your Souper Salad Lakeline manager Patty Hummel, will either meet you at the church or drive you there during your off-duty hours.

--Why do you wash your hands 100 times per workshift here at IHOP 290 chain restaurant, when once every 15 minutes or 30 minutes should be sufficient? As your general manager, Jed Cecil, I am dismayed by your excessive hand-washing while on duty as a waiter here!

--Did you know that your complaints to the management team here at Souper Salad Highland Mall restaurant that several of your African-American waitstaff coworkers during a recent workshift were frequently observed by you NOT washing their hands immediately or shortly after they bussed a dining table of theirs, along with your report to our corporate HR department about a female customer inside this restaurant reportedly making a very suggestive comment to your female general manager inside your restaurant, have played a role in your not getting along well with your coworkers and primary work supervisor here?


---Are you aware of the humiliation you caused me when you submitted that report about myself, your Anglo adult female general manager, to the Souper Salad HR Department that now has everyone at Souper Salad headquarters and at Souper Salad stores throughout our entire state laughing at me and thinking I'm myself promiscuous, when I am in fact very definitely strictly monogamous with my one total female girlfriend?

--So you as a waitstaff member here directly observed your female Hispanic assistant manager at Souper Salad Highland Mall store stuffing a tip---a tip that was handed to her by a party of about five Mexican immigrants seated at a table you had been waiting on---into that assistant manager's brasierre inside the dining room during working hours for that female manager on duty and for yourself, is that correct? And did you hear your female Hispanic assistant manager state very clearly to that Mexican-immigrant family that the tip she wanted them to pay her was solely for you yourself as that party's server, is that correct, and that she was directly asking for that tip payment from that party because you, John McMillan, had been a good waiter for them that evening, she reportedly told that party of Mexican immigrants, is that correct?

--Did you know that of all my employees here at IHOP 620, you are the ONE individual whom I, as your female current General Manager, would be the least likely to ever suspect of ever stealing from this restaurant?

--Are you aware that your frequent snitch reports to the management team here at IHOP 620 have created a hostile work environment here for your coworkers that has prompted me, Stan Venn, as your area manager, to make this decision to dismiss you from the staff here?

--Did you know that I as your general manager here at Souper Salad Lakeline, Ernie Motloch, am personal friends with a private attorney in this metro area, and that possibly he might be willing to help you with the circumstances you have described to me while on duty as a part-time server of mine here at Souper Salad Lakeline?

---Were you aware that I, as a minority-identified male manager in training here at IHOP Duval restaurant, have been victimized here in Austin on a frequent basis by someone stalking me?

---You don't need to worry, John, about ever being in North Korea. I am very sure, as your female general manager here at this IHOP location, that North Korea would not want you in their country. So you can forget the very recent anonymous e-mail you received which stated that the writer thought you should move to North Korea, since according to him that would be the most appropriate country for you to live in.

--Would you get the f--k (obscenity) out of my office? As the manager on duty today here inside Denny's Lakeline, I am very offended by this most recent snitch report you have given me about a coworker of yours here at Denny's!

---Did you know that as a female work supervisor of yours here at IHOP Duval restaurant, I am asking you to please follow our management team's policy that you as an on-duty waiter here must let the cited 4-year-old female customer hug your lower leg in the dining room area for as long as that little girl wishes, until such time as her mother decides to put a stop to it?

---Did you know, John, that you have a legendary reputation for honesty with our entire IHOP franchise corporate family throughout the entire greater Austin area? As a female work supervisor of yours, Diane, here at IHOP Duval, I would like to offer you that compliment.

--As a manager at Village Inn in Cedar Park, may I reveal to you now that the polite male Hispanic immigrant coworker of yours here whom you inquired about, died (sic) the other day while traveling to work here, which explains why you don't see him anymore inside this restaurant?

--As a manager at Village Inn in Cedar Park, may I clarify for you that the story you heard from another manager here that a polite Hispanic male Mexican-immigrant coworker of yours here had died while traveling to work here, was, in fact, a joke? He got fired. That's why you don't see him in this restaurant anymore.

---Are you aware that at the very time when you made this late-night phone call from a late-night store in Cedar Park to myself, Village Inn 620 assistant manager Troy, at my home to request that I personally come down to our Village Inn restaurant and lock the front door to that restaurant, since our store's female assistant manager, Phyllis, forgot to lock the front door this one time when she closed the restaurant for the night, I myself, Troy, am very drunk from drinking lots of beer inside my home tonight? I am not in any condition to come down to Village Inn and lock that front door.

--Why do you waste my time with your latest drug-sniffing report in which you maintain that you yourself observed that one of our top male servers here at IHOP 290 smelled like marijuana, according to you, at a time when he was waiting on a party of four Travis County sheriff's deputies who all sat together at a dining table here? Your hysteria as a staff member of mine here is a complete waste of my time! Unless the
deputies actually observed any quantity of marijuana per se, and I'm very sure they did not, there's no chance that any of those deputies will arrest that star server of ours merely because he failed a drug-sniffing test from you that you yourself chose to subject him to while on duty.

--How would you yourself know what cocaine smells like? I am posing this question to you inside this restaurant because you have just mentioned to me that you suspect that one of your on-duty coworkers smells like cocaine today inside our workplace.

--Why do you insist on doing these cocaine-sniffing exams on your teenage Anglo male high school student coworker from that Round Rock ISD school? Here at Denny's Lakeline, you have never once produced any tangible, factual evidence of any actual cocaine you have ever seen anywhere on the premises of this entire restaurant! And besides which, your cocaine-sniffing report does not explain how that particular coworker could have traveled directly from his high school campus to this restaurant while allegedly smelling like cocaine!

--Did you know that your male high school student waitstaff coworker here at Denny's Lakeline has admitted to our management team here that he has been consuming cocaine recently?

--Do you want to know my reaction to the praise-notes memo board for employees that you say that your IHOP 290 restaurant offers staff members to help boost their morale? As a female German-born assistant manager here at Denny's Lakeline, Manuela, that sounds like kindergarten to me!

--Do you want to know how I look upon the waiters and waitresses at IHOP restaurants? As a female assistant manager here at Denny's Lakeline, Manuela, I regard them as being wind-up dolls! The style they promote for their IHOP waiters seems very artificial and contrived, and they do so much upselling with guests at the dining table that it's obnoxious!

--Why do you as an on-duty waiter do so much check-back with your guests here at Village Inn 620 restaurant? As a female Hispanic assistant manager here at Village Inn 620, I am very sure the guests will let you know if they are not satisfied with a dish. And it's also important to not do anything that might invite a complaint from a guest. As much as possible, I try to avoid comping out a meal for a guest, since that is very bad for our restaurant's finances. Also, I have a fine-dining restaurants background in California, and I believe in giving guests lots of privacy at their dining table. It's a more elegant dining experience for them if we minimize our check-backs at the dining table.


---Did you know, John, that your Hispanic female waitstaff coworker Margaret used to be a bad girl? As a male manager  of yours inside Denny's Lakeline, I have decided on my own initiative to offer you that candid evaluation of what Margaret was like before she joined the staff here at Denny's.

---Did you know, John, that I have a lot of respect for you? As your Hispanic male general manager here at Souper Salad Lakeline, Rudy Woolf, I thought I would volunteer that to you today during your workshift in here on your birthday.

--Are you aware, John, that I'm very sure you cannot ever have a social life or dating life here in Austin, Texas, and for you to achieve that goal for yourself you will have to move away from Austin? As your Hispanic male general manager, Rudy Woolf, here at Souper Salad Braker Lane restaurant situated nearly next door to an H.E.B. supermarket in northwest Austin, I have decided to offer you that candid insight.

--Have you considered dropping your job at Souper Salad? As a Hispanic male assistant manager here at IHOP Duval in 2002, I notice that you often come in here very fatigued after your workshift earlier in the day at Souper Salad Highland Mall restaurant. If you want to hold onto your job here at IHOP, you may have to quit your job with Souper Salad!

---Were you aware that as your manager on duty today here at Souper Salad Lakeline restaurant, Patty Hummel, I believe the FBI, rather than APD, is the appropriate law-enforcement agency to investigate the noise pollution problem in Austin that you have complained about to me here?

--Do you know that as a member of the management team here at Souper Salad Lakeline, I, Patty Hummel, agree with you that noise pollution is a major problem inside this location?

---Did you know that as a friendly assistant manager and work supervisor of yours in this corporate-owned restaurant near the Arboretum, I would estimate that roughly 60 percent of all of the restaurant employees in Austin are drug addicts?

--Would you as a member of this restaurant's waitstaff please refrain from ever again offering me, your male general manager here at Village Inn 620 restaurant, any additional compliment or word of praise?

--Did you know, John, that from an intellect standpoint, I as your male general manager here at Village Inn 620 restaurant in Cedar Park am LIGHT-YEARS AHEAD OF YOU?

--Your snitch-report phone call here today from inside this restaurant to our corporate office or our district manager, Dori, about the smoothie mix in this restaurant  having been left overnight in the waitstation without any refrigeration of that smoothie mix, was very offensive to me in my role as your female general manager here! As our corporate representative told you on the phone today, it is perfectly safe for us to use that smoothie mix in preparing smoothies for our customers today here in Souper Salad Lakeline!

--Did you know that I as your Hispanic male general manager, Joe Cantu, am blushing beet red in front of you right now after I just glanced at the APD mug shot you showed me today in the year 2005 inside our IHOP Duval restaurant of the cited heavyset Hispanic Central Texan man, Eliseo Perez Sr., who according to a trace made on your behalf by a money-order company you used-- a company headquartered in Minneapolis, Minnesota -- is himself allegedly the same individual who allegedly somehow intercepted a money-order deposit of restaurant tips of yours you had attempted to make on your own behalf to your UFCU credit union through a stamped letter you had mailed to your credit union from an apartment complex-provided mailbox at Wind River Crossing Apartments, and then Mr. Perez allegedly is the one who allegedly altered that money order by making it a payment in Mr. Perez's own name for an electricity account of his with the Bluebonnet Electric Coop in Giddings, Texas?

--Is your report to me here in Village Inn 620 that you just saw a male high school student coworker drop a slice of buttered toast on the floor, and then pick it up and put it back on a plate in order to attempt to serve that to a customer? It's a good thing you helped put a stop to that.

--May I politely mention to you, John, that I as a manager here at IHOP Duval appreciate your your willingness on your own initiative to volunteer to us every six months a copy of a reliable semiannual medical report containing your legal name and birthdate and stating that you yourself most recently tested HIV-negative and STD-free. As you point out, having that medical report from you on file with our manager's office could conceivably be helpful to us if a possible hypothetical on-duty scenario were to ever arise involving strictly-platonic contact between yourself as a staff member and any another person inside this restaurant.

--Why do you even ask me if I, your female general manager at Souper Salad Lakeline, Georgia Fink, will be willing to accept your most recent and fully-up-to-date medical report indicating that you yourself are HIV-negative? If I kept any such report about you on file here, that would be in flagrant violation of the Federal Disabilities Act! It's very dismaying that you would even attempt to possibly defy federal law by seeking to hand me a medical report of that type about yourself!

--May I respond to your most recent report to me here at IHOP Duval by stating that I appreciate your having taken the time to report to me tonight about the 25-year-old blonde female waitress coworker of yours here whom you observed during her workshift tonight sitting down at the table of four teenage male customers and then spending at least five minutes telling that entire party how they can find her private residence in order to socialize with her after she clocks out tonight? I also found it noteworthy that from what you said, our waitress apparently had never previously met any of the four teenage male customers whom she invited to drive to her home after her workshift ends tonight.

--Did you know that as a Hispanic male assistant manager supervising you here at IHOP Duval, my own personal favorite restaurant chain to dine at during my leisuretime is Taco Cabana? I love the way they do everything at Taco Cabana, and the food there tastes great! Taco Cabana is a passionate love of mine as an IHOP manager!

--Did you know that the previous general manager here at Souper Salad Braker Lane, Beverly, left here so suddenly and so unexpectedly that she didn't even give proper notice to our corporate headquarters in San Antonio? As the new general manager here, Rudy Woolf, I was a bit surprised that Beverly left here in that manner. But I do realize that she wanted to return to Corpus Christi as soon as possible, to be with relatives of hers there.

--Did you know that one female server coworker of yours here at Souper Salad Braker Lane made a phone call to me this morning in which she stated that she was having a hangover, so she would not be able to work her lunchtime shift today for that one cited reason? Well, my immediate reply to her, in my capacity as General Manager Rudy Woolf, a polite Hispanic gentleman, was that she is fired from her job.

---Are you completely sure, John, that you just overheard your male Hispanic server coworker Eddie, after greeting a party of African-Americans at the host stand in the lobby area of our IHOP 290 restaurant, abruptly pose the question to them, "Did you come here for drugs?", as Eddie walked them to their dining table? To me, John, your snitch report about coworker Eddie is just another reason why I as your general manager, Jed Cecil, have classified you as a looney-tunes staff member.  Your irresponsible gossiping about coworker Eddie is NOT appreciated!

--Did you know, John, that you are apparently the oldest employee in this entire IHOP 620 restaurant? As your general manager, I regard that as noteworthy.

--Are you aware, John, that you cannot handle more than two tables at a time as a waiter here at IHOP 290? You seem to be having some type of bizarre looney-tunes stuff going on inside your head all the time that might explain why you are so unbelievably slow-paced in your job performance here at IHOP 290. I, General Manager Jed Cecil, have specifically imposed a policy  here that you are not allowed to wait on more than two tables here at the time same.

--Why why are you so obsessed with washing your hands all the time while on duty as a server here? I, your IHOP 290 general manager Jed Cecil, used to live in New York City, where I was always being subjected to tons of dirt and germs every day--- and I never got sick in New York. So forget all this nonsense about having to wash your hands every minute or two for health reasons. That's just another example of your looney-tunes style as a member of our waitstaff here!

--Did you know that I as your Hispanic male general manager at IHOP Duval, Joe Cantu, am wondering why I never found out before that you have an older brother, Kent Neal McMillan, living in the Austin area? I was completely unaware of that until just recently. I had just assumed that you do not have any relatives currently residing in the greater Austin area.

--Are you aware that the less we burden our corporate headquarters with problems or complaints about Luby's Lakeline, the better we can all work it out together without any meddling from corporate officials who aren't fully familiar with the circumstances here? For instance, that African-American male coworker you yourself had repeatedly complained about to me over a multi-week period, did eventually leave our staff. But it was all handled by me, general manager Gabriel Rodriguez, WITHOUT any involvement in that process by our corporate HR department in Houston.

--Why did it pose a concern to you, John, that a minute or two ago you overheard two Luby's Lakeline employees in the dishwash room talking loudly about how to successfully poison someone? I'm sure that none of the paying guests in the dining room heard what those two employees were discussing. So your gossip report is completely a waste of my time.

--Did it ever occur to you, John, that the time you devote to these numerous snitch reports on your coworkers is time you SHOULD have been devoting instead to being fully attentive to the customers you are waiting on? Your snitch reports detract from your job performance!

--Why can't our staff here at IHOP Duval do better than the staff at Veronica's shitty IHOP store along Koenig Lane near I-35? As your Hispanic male general manager here at IHOP Duval, Joe Cantu, I am posting this written question of my own on the wall as a warning to all of you servers and kitchen staff members here at the Duval store! We were JUST OUTDONE BY the IHOP 290 team in the most recent weekly ratings from our franchise headquarters, and THAT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE TO ME! UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD IHOP 290 EVER DO BETTER THAN US!

--So your report to me today is that you just observed manager-in-training Daron, a self-identified Irish-American lady, showing ALL of the tattoos on her body to a male guest inside this restaurant, and you thought it might be a bit awkward for this IHOP location to have so many tattoos being revealed to a male paying guest by a member of our management team?

--So you just opened a tall closet you enter from outside in back of this IHOP Duval restaurant, and the first thing you saw was our female current manager in training, her hair follicles all mussed, frantically attempting to disengage from an embrace she was in the middle of having with a male server of ours inside that closet, is that correct?

--Why did you get clocked in six minutes early  this morning, when I as your female general manger did not authorize that for you here at IHOP 620! Your reply that it is always acceptable here to clock in five minutes early, since the computer system allows it for anyone, so according to you, you actually clocked in just one minute early, is not a good response. As for your explanation that a coworker of yours had asked you to clock in early since they were busy, I as your general manager am the one who decides when you clock in! It wasn't that busy when you clocked in, so that extra minute was a complete waste of ACG's and IHOP's money!

--May I mention to you, John, that I as your general manager do appreciate your oral report to me today that during this workshift of yours here at Luby's Lakeline, you overheard manager on duty Eric stating loudly behind the serving line to another Luby's employee, "John is psychotic, and he should never have been allowed to work here!" I will have a talk with Eric about that comment he reportedly made while on duty to a coworker of yours or a visiting manager.

--Did you know, John, that in the time you took to report to me that problem in our restaurant that you want me to take action on, you could have solved that problem yourself without any need for any assistance from a manager?

--Why do you shuffle or drag your feet when you are walking around this restaurant while on duty as a server here at Denny's Lakeline? As a male Anglo manager on duty today, I want you to pick up your feet and walk more gracefully whenever you are on duty for Denny's as a server!