MY ADVICE TO THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHO ASSUMES ELECTIVE OFFICE ON JANUARY 20, 2017

(1) YOU WILL NEED TO DOUBLE THE NUMBER OF AUDITING STAFF MEMBERS AND INTERNAL-AFFAIRS CRIME INVESTIGATORS EMPLOYED BY THE WHITE HOUSE. THIS SHOULD HELP TO MINIMIZE THE TOTAL NUMBER OF POLITICAL SCANDALS AND LAWSUITS THAT YOUR ADMINISTRATION WILL BE HAVING OR INVITING DURING YOUR FIRST AND ONLY TERM OF OFFICE AS OUR NATION'S CHIEF OF STATE.

(1A) YOU WILL NEED TO FOLLOW THE LEAD OF U.S. PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER OF THE LATE 1970S BY YOURSELF ALSO ESTABLISHING A TRIPLE-BLIND TRUST ACCOUNT ON ANY AND ALL OF YOUR AND YOUR SPOUSE'S FINANCIAL HOLDINGS, WHICH WILL HELP YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE TO MINIMIZE CONFLICTS OF INTEREST THROUGHOUT YOUR ENTIRE FOUR-TOTAL-YEAR TERM AS OUR NATION'S HEAD OF STATE.

(2) YOU WILL NEED TO PUT HIGHEST POSSIBLE PRIORITY ON APPOINTING ADVISORS AND CABINET MEMBERS FOR YOUR PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION WHO CAN BE DESCRIBED AS 'INCORRUPTIBLE', 'VERY ETHICAL', 'VERY CONSCIENTIOUS', 'VERY LAW-ABIDING', 'CONSCIENTIOUS', 'SCANDAL-FREE', 'HONEST AND STRAIGHTFORWARD', ETC. THIS WILL ALSO HELP TO MINIMIZE THE TOTAL NUMBER OF POLITICAL SCANDALS AND LAWSUITS THAT YOUR ADMINISTRATION HAS OR INVITES DURING YOUR TERM OF OFFICE AS PRESIDENT.

(2A) YOU WILL NEED TO ESTABLISH A WHITE HOUSE OFFICE OF CORRECTIONS OR RETRACTIONS THAT ON A YEAR-ROUND BASIS ISSUES PUBLIC STATEMENTS EXPLAINING IN DETAIL WHY ANY GIVEN STATEMENT MADE BY YOU OR YOUR WHITE HOUSE STAFF WAS NOT AS ACCURATE AS YOU WOULD HAVE WANTED IT TO BE. THAT OFFICE COULD WORK WITH THE WHITE HOUSE OMBUDSMAN THAT YOU APPOINT (SEE BELOW) TO ENSURE THE GREATEST POSSIBLE ACCURACY IN PUBLIC STATEMENTS BEING MADE BY YOUR WHITE HOUSE DURING YOUR ONE TOTAL TERM OF OFFICE AS PRESIDENT.

(3) YOU WILL NEED TO APPOINT A WHITE HOUSE OMBUDSMAN WHO ACCEPTS COMPLAINTS FROM MEMBERS OF THE GENERAL PUBLIC AND FROM MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, AND FROM STAFF MEMBERS AND CABINET SECRETARIES OF YOURS, ABOUT ALLEGED CASES OF IMPROPRIETY OR POSSIBLE VIOLATIONS OF THE LAW BY YOURSELF OR ANY EMPLOYEE OF YOUR WHITE HOUSE STAFF OR ANY CABINET MEMBER OF YOURS.

(4) YOU WILL NEED TO IMPOSE A 'ZERO TOLERANCE OF DRINKING-ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION' POLICY FOR YOURSELF AND ALL WHITE HOUSE STAFF MEMBERS AND ALL CABINET MEMBERS. THIS WILL HELP TO MINIMIZE THE TOTAL NUMBER OF SCANDALS YOUR ADMINISTRATION INFLICTS ON THIS NATION IN WHICH A CABINET MEMBER OR STAFF MEMBER OF YOURS GETS DRUNK WHILE ON DUTY AND PURSUES ILLEGAL OR UNETHICAL OR UNPROFESSIONAL CONDUCT.

(5) YOU WILL NEED TO HIRE A DRUG-SNIFFING DOG THAT WILL GREET EACH AND EVERY VISITOR TO THE WHITE HOUSE. IF THAT VISITOR FAILS THE 'SNIFF' TEST---REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THAT VISITOR IS THE HEAD OF STATE OF A FOREIGN NATION---YOU WILL INSIST THAT THE VISITOR BE DETAINED UNTIL HE OR SHE IS SUBJECTED TO A FULL BODY SEARCH AND BODY CAVITY SEARCH BY FBI AGENTS, ALONG WITH AN INTERROGATION OF THAT VISITOR BY FBI AGENTS. ONLY IF THAT VISITOR IS THEN CLEARED BY THE FBI WOULD YOU THEN PERMIT THAT INDIVIDUAL TO MEET WITH YOU OR ANY OF YOUR STAFF MEMBERS INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE. OTHERWISE, THAT VISITOR WOULD EITHER BE ARRESTED OR ASKED TO RETURN IMMEDIATELY TO THE FOREIGN NATION HE OR SHE CAME FROM.

(6) YOU WILL NEED TO SPONSOR A WEEKLY OR MONTHLY PUBLIC-SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT POLICIES AND STRATEGIES YOUR WHITE HOUSE IS PURSUING TO AVOID ANY HINT OF POLITICAL SCANDAL OR CORRUPTION AT ANY TIME DURING YOUR ONE-TERM TENURE IN THE OVAL OFFICE.

(7) YOU WILL APPOINT A WHITE HOUSE LIAISON TO YOUR OWN POLITICAL PARTY WHO WILL REPRESENT YOU AT ANY AND ALL FUND-RAISING EVENTS OR POLITICAL RALLIES DURING YOUR TERM OF OFFICE. SINCE YOUR OWN REPUTATION FOR CONSCIENTIOUS STATESMANSHIP HAS ALREADY BEEN BADLY TARNISHED THROUGH THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN SEASON, YOU WILL NEED TO ASSIGN VERY HIGH PRIORITY TO ESTABLISHING A PROPERLY STATESMANLIKE STYLE THAT IS FAIR TOWARD DEMOCRATS AS WELL AS REPUBLICANS THROUGHOUT YOUR FOUR TOTAL YEARS (IF THAT MUCH) IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

(8) YOU WILL NEED TO SEEK SUPPORT FROM DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS IN THE U.S. CONGRESS FOR A BIPARTISAN STATEMENT OF VALUES AND GOALS THAT EARLY 21ST CENTURY AMERICAN SOCIETY STANDS FOR. THIS WILL HELP TO CONVEY THE RIGHT MESSAGE THAT YOU ARE DEDICATED TO A RESPONSIBLE, POLITE, CONSCIENTIOUSLY STATESMAN-LIKE STYLE DURING YOUR FOUR TOTAL YEARS IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

(9) YOU WILL NEED TO ENSURE THAT YOUR VICE PRESIDENT BE FULLY BRIEFED AND KEPT FULLY UP TO DATE ON EACH OF YOUR MAJOR POLICY DECISIONS AS PRESIDENT. THIS WILL HELP TO 'TRAIN' THE INDIVIDUAL YOU YOURSELF HAD CHOSEN AS YOUR POSSIBLE SUCCESSOR AS OUR NATION'S HEAD OF STATE. THIS IS DOUBLY IMPERATIVE FOR YOUR PARTICULAR PRESIDENCY, SINCE AS YOU KNOW YOU ARE AT DIRE RISK OF BEING IMPEACHED BY THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS AT SOME POINT DURING YOUR FIRST AND ONLY TERM OF OFFICE AS PRESIDENT---WHETHER IN THE FIRST YEAR, THE SECOND YEAR, THE THIRD YEAR, OR THE FINAL YEAR OF YOUR PRESIDENCY.

(10) YOU WILL NEED TO HELP PROMOTE A NEW NON-PROFIT, NON-PARTISAN FOUNDATION THAT OFFERS VERY GENEROUS COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIPS OR GRADUATE-SCHOOL SCHOLARSHIPS TO AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS OR AMERICAN COLLEGE STUDENTS WHO SUBMIT A SUCCESSFUL APPLICATION IN WRITING THAT EXPLAINS WHY THEY WOULD LIKE TO EVENTUALLY SERVE AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. THIS NOBLE PROJECT OF YOURS WILL HELP TO CONVEY THE MESSAGE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE PROVIDING A MATURE, RESPONSIBLE, STATESMAN-LIKE STYLE AS OUR NATION'S HEAD OF STATE DURING YOUR ONE TOTAL TERM OF OFFICE.

YOUR OWN PERSONAL PROMOTION OF THIS INDEPENDENT, NON-PARTISAN, NON-PROFIT FOUNDATION AND ITS SCHOLARSHIPS WILL ALSO CONVEY YOUR OWN VERY HUMBLE AWARENESS ABOUT THE URGENT NEED TO SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASE THE MORAL CALIBER AND LEVEL OF HONESTY AND OVERALL CALIBER OF ALL FUTURE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES AFTER YOUR OWN ONE TOTAL TERM OF OFFICE HAS ENDED OR EXPIRED IN A VERY CIVIL AND LAW-ABIDING MANNER INVOLVING EITHER POSSIBLE IMPEACHMENT OF YOURSELF, YOUR UNDERSTANDABLE DECISION TO RESIGN FROM OFFICE AFTER A TRULY OUTRAGEOUS SCANDAL IN WHICH YOU ARE HELD BLAMEWORTHY, OR THE ELECTION OF A NEW PRESIDENT WHO REPLACES YOU IN MID-JANUARY 2021.