How to Identify a True Gentleman in America Today

Whenever I observe a true gentleman, I find myself wondering which magazine he subscribes to that instills in him his sense of gentility.

Is that publication "Gentleman's Quarterly," or some publication I don't know about?

Among the values and conduct traits that I believe a true gentleman should have are:

--good hygiene, including a devotion to facial cleanshavenness, which is more hygienic than a beard or mustache or goatee would have been.

---a sense of honor and integrity and devotion to others' well-being so great that he insists on providing any prospective mutual-consent romantic partner of himself with fully up-to-date and fully reliable medical test results from the most recent six-month period---medical test results citing that gentleman's true legal name and birthdate---which state that he is both HIV-negative and has no other sexually transmitted diseases.

---a sense of honor so great that he habitually states his actual first name and his actual last name whenever he introduces himself to another person, including in a social context involving a complete stranger.

--an admirable devotion to taking good care of himself, which involves such lifestyle practices as getting enough sleep at night, and who therefore invites comments from others such as, "He obviously takes very good care of himself, and looks quite young for his age."

--wise avoidance of overtly self-destructive or destructive activities such as rock climbing or sky jumping or sado-masochistic practices involving violence, the true gentleman having a strong sense of his being benevolent and of his being someone who wants to protect his own ability to have a full life in which he can befriend others in person for as many years as he possibly can.

--good posture.

--a sublimeness of facial expression that is accompanied by a warm and sincere smile toward others.

--a generosity and kindness toward others, the true gentleman being someone who frequently offers sincere words of praise to many of the acquaintances of his life, and to each of the current mutual-consent friends of his life.

--a firm policy against bluntly and cruelly responding to cited concerns or cited problems of mutual-consent personal friends of his by saying to that friend, "That's your problem." The true gentleman always and very honorably indicates to his personal friends that he himself has a desire to be helpful to them, even if the true gentleman does not know which advice or assistance he should or could offer to his friend at that particular time.

--a generosity in helping to promote his mutual-consent friends in their own career-related pursuits, this being part of the chivalry and valor associated with a true gentleman.

--an enthusiastic willingness to meet any mutual-consent friend for lunch or dinner or breakfast or tea and conversation, and if for some reason the true gentleman is not able to make the particular time cited, he politely contacts his friend well in advance of the scheduled time and insists on arranging another convenient time for meeting his mutual-consent personal friend in that social-outing context.

--a willingness to receive telephone calls and letters or E-mail correspondence from any and all of his mutual-consent friends on a year-round basis, a true gentleman being someone who naturally wishes to generously extend this kind of "Open Door Policy" toward any and all of his mutual-consent friends (though the true gentleman may for privacy-rights reasons reasonably request that one or more of his mutual-consent personal friends should please contact him in advance before knocking on the front door of his own private residence).

--a consistent policy of never hanging up or slamming down his end of the phone line in the middle of a personal conversation with a mutual-consent friend or mutual-consent friendly acquaintance, the true gentleman being very devoted to the value of politeness and empathy at all times.

--a profound sense of devotion to others, so much so that if a true gentleman is involved in a mutual-consent and lasting romantic relationship, the romantic partner of that true gentleman states admiringly, "He treats me like a friend, too, and he is a good listener who is admirably empathetic toward me. I also love the fact that as a true friend of mine, he strongly supports my own Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, Freedom of Association, and privacy rights, and he boosts my overall self-confidence as a human being. He is never censorious toward me, and he helps to increase my options in life as a human being. I'm definitely a lot more confident and a lot happier for being in a mutual-consent romantic relationship with this true gentleman."

--the ability to communicate to virtually everyone he encounters the profound message that "this particular gentleman has a strong and sublimely joyous sense of having a platonically admirable mission in my life."

---patience and personability and fairness toward individuals, the true gentleman being someone who appears to have all the time in the world for any individual with whom he chooses to speak or have an involvement with in person.

--a consistent refusal to ever state to a mutual-consent friend of his, "You are boring me" or "your comments are not interesting to me" or "your contributions to this conversation are weak, in my opinion." A true gentleman never once tells a mutual-consent friend of his that the friend's comments to himself are grounds for yawning. Nor does a true gentleman ever pose as the judge issuing a verdict about whether his friend's words to himself had been "dull" or "boring" or "shows how ignorant and stupid you are." Tactfulness and a constructiveness of style toward his mutual-consent friends are among the noble attributes of a true gentleman.

---a healthy skepticism toward "Playboy" magazine, the true gentleman being a keen observer of life who notes that the word "love," for instance, is almost never found in the pages of "Playboy" magazine, and the true gentleman (unlike Playboys) is almost never described by others as being "lewd" or "vulgar" or "obscene" or "promiscuous," a healthy selectivity and discernment and wholesomeness and elegance of style being very commendable attributes of true gentlemen.

---a keen awareness by a true gentleman that human identity is not primarily sexual in nature, and that specific conduct traits and other empirically observable personal traits other than the sexual activity per se (is the person being evaluated law-abiding and conscientious and honest and uses clean language and has a pleasant sense of humor, for instance), are, in fact, the primary traits and criteria that define whether a human being is admirable and worthy of inclusion in one's own life, or, in other cases, a person to lawfully and in a civil manner exclude from one's own life.

---a devotion to dressing in a fashionably philanthropic manner, a true gentleman being someone who eschews wearing T-shirts that contain profane language or racial epithets, for instance.

---a concern about the perceptions of others on the part of the true gentleman helps explain why, when interacting with someone whom the true gentleman believes might possibly suspect him himself of being prejudiced against that individual, the true gentleman is doubly mindful of being polite and helpful and conscientious toward the individual in question, and of offering a sincerely warm smile throughout that human interaction, and of thereby effectively addressing that perceived prejudice issue in a straightfoward and decent and courageous manner.

---a devotion to great and wholesome fraternal values that call to mind the "Brotherly Love" tradition of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, along with the observation that "this gentleman is so admirable and fine that he's a Gentleman's Kind of Gentleman."

--a refusal to look upon other individuals as a "means toward an end," with the true gentleman reflecting the fine philosophical teachings of German philosopher Kant in that way. Partly because of his lack of exploitativeness toward others, the true gentleman is almost never described as being someone "who took advantage of" another human being.

--a very high capacity for platonic (nonsexual) enjoyment of a wide range of persons, the true gentleman being very aware that 99 percent or more of the most heartfelt personal relationships in life are, in fact, platonic (nonsexual) in nature for that gentleman.

---a healthy aversion toward the societal malaise of sexaholism, or the pathological addiction to indiscriminate and very frequent sexual involvements with a wide variety of "romantic partners," that is exhibited by many other male adult persons.

--an honorable devotion to promptly honoring verbalized rejections of that same gentleman by anyone else, the true gentleman being someone with a very healthy aversion toward stalkers and toward stalking.

--composure and civility, and consistency of politeness, a true gentleman being someone who almost never participates in fist-fights, and who finds a law-abiding, honorable means of asserting his own point of view with others or defending his legal rights in regard to those who seek to harm himself.

--devotion to a law-abiding lifestyle so diligent that the true gentleman is willing to share his own criminal-history record---a legal document applicable to all adult American citizens, even if that document cites no allegations and no convictions---with any prospective personal friend or any prospective romantic partner who would like to review that legal document.

--devotion to the outlook that most of life's relationships can be symbiotic or mutually-beneficial in nature, the true gentleman being very generous in sharing information with those whom he directly agrees to befriend.

--skepticism toward the outlook of all to many male adult persons that "life is primarily a competition or contest in which the winner takes all," it not being crucial to anyone's own self-esteem or quality of life to achieve a first-place finish in every contest. Also, a true gentleman exercises selectivity in regard to which competitions he chooses to compete.

Furthermore, each male adult person has distinctive needs and distinctive attributes as a human being, and those male adult persons with a competitive mindset often fail to adequately acknowledge the talents and contributions and distinctive strengths of others.

--devotion to fostering elegance and elan in his and others' lives.

--consistent use of clean language, a true gentleman exhibiting a healthy aversion toward the profane-speech syndrome societal malaise found in all too many Hollywood movies of today.

---abstention from participation in verbal harassment of and abusive shouting at others, the true gentleman being someone who feels his own presence and devotion to civility to be so strong that he can, as President Theodore Roosevelt once advised in another context, "Speak softly and carry a big stick."

---wholesome restraint with alcohol, and, of course, a wise gentlemanly rejection of any and all tobacco products and a very wise gentlemanly rejection of any and all illicit drugs.

---devotion to voice modulation and voice intonation in everyday speech.

--a sincerity of speech, accompanied by a gentlemanly disdain toward glibness or use of verbal shorthand, an example of verbal shorthand being the modern glibtalk word "veggie," when "vegetable" or "vegetarian" are generally preferable terms to a true gentleman.

---a consistent naturalness and elegance of self-expression, including through one's body language, the true gentleman being someone who generally eschews artificial and unsightly and "body language" such as nose-rings, tongue-rings, as tattoos, for instance, and a true gentleman notes with concern that tattos, for instance, have caused dermatological and other medical problems for those agreeing to have their own body tattooed.

-- a consistently law-abiding and honorable and privacy-rights-respectful style.

---devotion to law-and-order and law-enforcement and prosecution of criminals, the true gentleman being someone who does not wince or shed a tear when he reads a news story about a convicted killer who was, in fact, capitally punished by court order after a fair trial by jury that defendant had attended in person in the United States of America.

--an adamant refusal to ever shoot his finger (or "shoot the bird," as it is sometimes called) as an expression of contempt toward others, the true gentleman being someone who never exhibits abusive and vulgar "road rage," for instance, while driving a motor vehicle.

--a noble style behind the steering wheel of a motor vehicle that involves consistency of driving within the speed limit and consistency of politeness toward other motorists.

---a capacity for self-critical awareness, which enhances a true gentleman's admirable empathy toward others.

---a capacity for self-awareness and rumination, which is reflected in the true gentleman's custom of keeping a personal journal or diary on a year-round basis.

-- vigilance and alertness in noting evidence of illegal conduct by others, and a courageous devotion to reporting evidence of illegal conduct by others to a law-enforcement agency.

-- good locution, including good voice modulation and vocal intonation.

-- a philanthropic and optimistic style, a true gentleman being someone who keeps a "potential new friends" list on a year-round basis, and who generally avoids keeping an "enemies list," any display of vindictiveness toward law-abiding and honest and privacy-rights-respectful opponents or critics of oneself, being generally avoided by the true gentleman.

--a devotion to holding doors open for other men as well as for women, and for any and all youths as well.

---a refusal by the true gentleman to take out his frustrations on and hurl false accusations at women or persons younger than the true gentleman, the true gentleman being very aware that lesser men than he generally tend to take out their frustrations on and exploit women and persons younger than himself. The true gentleman is someone who is never described by others as being a "Sugar Daddy" figure who allegedly victimizes and subjugates persons significantly younger in age than himself. In fact, younger persons who become acquainted with a true gentleman invariably indicate to others that "I feel more confident as a human being, and I feel more ambitious as a human being, for having become acquainted with himself."

---a devotion to pursuing philosophical reflections.

--valor in befriending others.

-- a disdain toward any participation in anonymous communications, a true gentleman being someone who feels personally accountable for any and all statements that he verbalizes to others.

--a refusal to participate in pranks or fraudulent communications or practical jokes or "surprise parties" that could be injurious to or emotionally upsetting to another person, the true gentleman being admirable for his consistency of straightfowardness and moral straightness toward others.

-- a sense of humor, which conveys a gentlemanly capacity to respond to setbacks and crises with magnanimity and determined optimism.

-- a strong and admirable sense of being a very important person at all times, regardless of the perceptions of others and regardless of one's income level or the position of employment one currently holds.

-- a particular devotion to being kind and generous toward children, persons under age 30, and toward mothers raising children inside that family's home.

-- devotion to preventing excessive urban sprawl within one's urban area, urban sprawl being an anti-social, messy and chaotic and unsightly, energy-wasteful, and ungentlemanly intrusion upon the wilderness and upon farmers' and ranchers' lands that is abhorrent to a true gentleman.
The rapacity of commercial real-estate developers who practice urban sprawl is among the societal malaises that poses a major concern to a true gentleman.

--devotion to year-round participation in natural-resource recycling, the true gentleman being very committed to helping protect the supply of natural resources available to any and all future generations of Americans, including the children of today who will be our nation's future parents and political leaders.

---devotion to making financial donations, however modest the amount, to non-profit philanthropy organizations of one's choosing that are aimed at helping to improve the quality of life for many people.